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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel terribly guilty that DD will probably never go to Disneyland?

178 replies

JeremyKylesEyebrow · 19/11/2014 20:09

I know I am BU, but have PMS and due to unforeseen financial difficulties, we're looking at a tight Christmas.

DD's best friend is going to Disneyland this spring. She has been going ON and ON about it. DD, therefore, has also been going ON and ON about it.

DD's friend has really been rubbing it in a bit. She comes in to play at our house most days (they are 6) and the Disney talk is constant. She is understandably very excited. DD went to her house one day, and friend was showing her lots of videos of the place.

DD has been full of questions. Why can't we go to Disneyland? EVERYONE ELSE has been, etc etc. I've tried to explain to her that DH and I don't have much money, that different parents like to spend money on different things, that lots of children don't go to Disneyland. And also that I didn't want to hear any more about it, and that if we do go, it will be when she is older and can appreciate it more.

Tonight she ended up in tears, saying her friend was going on about it again, that she feels jealous.

This is all pretty unusual for DD. She isn't particularly fussed on Disney as a rule.

Anyway, I have just watched one of those bastarding Disney adverts and burst into tears. Because we're poooor, and I can't take DD to Disney and waah wah.

It doesn't help that DD's bio dad (who doesn't have any interest in her and doesn't pay maintenance) has been to Disney about six times with his current g/f and her daughter (DD doesn't know this)

I know I need a slap. I don't even WANT to go myself!

OP posts:

TheAlias · 21/11/2014 17:36

Ah there's the answer then, everyone needs to move to the rough areas, cos you know, life's sooo much easier/nicer here.

OttiliaVonBCup · 21/11/2014 17:40

Never been and the DCs seem to have survived.

No desire to waste time, money and energy on a marketing paradise.

PunkrockerGirl · 21/11/2014 17:42

My dc never went to Disneyland. They are 23 & 19 now and haven't given it a second thought.

Thanks God we never went, sounds like hell on earth

windchime · 21/11/2014 18:54

Disneyland is hell on earth. Who wants to queue for 3 hours to be turned upside down for 90 seconds? It is a holiday for the brain dead who have too much money to waste. Do not feel a bit guilty. You DCs braincells remain intact.

Mehitabel6 · 21/11/2014 19:03

Mine are all adults and have never been- they have never mentioned being bothered. If they were they could take themselves now.
I have some regrets- but not going to Disneyland is not one of them!

NickiFury · 21/11/2014 19:05

I'm always interested in how people form these strenuously, negative opinions of Disney and how awful it is when they've never actually been.

OttiliaVonBCup · 21/11/2014 19:09

Well, I've never been to other places as well, Kobane or North Korea, for example, and don't think I need to in order to know I would probably not enjoy it much.

Same with Disney, there's enough information on it, so I won't have to.

NickiFury · 21/11/2014 19:12

Well saying you wouldn't enjoy it much is rather different from saying it's a "holiday for the brain dead", which seems a rather extreme judgment on other peoples holiday choices.

OttiliaVonBCup · 21/11/2014 19:13

I was being sarcastic.

grunty · 21/11/2014 19:14

We went to Disneyland Paris when my dds were 7 and nearly 5. All DD2 can remember is hurting her finger on the light in the frigging hotel and the injustice of her sister getting the top bunk. DD1 remembers being scared out of her wits on a ride and a horrible little girl in the restaurant shooting her toy dog with a (pretend!) gun.

It was freezing cold, stank of slurry and rained a lot. We survived off pizza and chips as that was all the girls would eat. Oh and cheap red wine from a nearby garage (DH and I only). I got really ill when I got home with 'flu and took 2 weeks off work which went down well!

My daughters have friends with ponies, swimming pools, etc and one has access to a private jet and a yacht! It is a bit mean when other kids rub it in their face but there is always someone richer. I bet the girl who is going will be disappointed that it doesn't live up to her expectations.

NickiFury · 21/11/2014 19:14

Really? I didn't get that. Too subtle for me I am afraid.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 21/11/2014 19:18

My advice in this would be to acknowledge that being skint is rubbish. Don't listen to the nonsense about money being unimportant, that family is all about love yadda yadda yadda. This just dismisses your perfectly genuine feelings and those of your DD.

Then once you've acknowledged it, think laterally. What is it about the trip that you and your DD really would like? How can you capture that feeling in a cheaper way

Totally agree, don't dismiss her feelings. ^ Then think about what you can do....some stately homes are dressed up for xmas where are you OP? Tesco vouchers, warwick castle? Longleat? NT?

I never went, some people at school did and I also survived and really look forward to taking our DD but it will be a three year savings job !!!

riverboat1 · 21/11/2014 19:21

My parents would NEVER EVER have taken me to Disneyland, not because we couldn't have afforded it but because it was both of their ideas of hell! I remember wanting to go, but it wouldn't have mattered how much I begged. There would have been no way. We went on holiday to a gite in France every year but there would have been no chance of stopping by Disneyland.

There are ways to do it cheaply, if you really wanted to save for it and go for it one day. Drive over (ferry prices really cheap) stay outside the resort itself, go in on public transport, buy locally (French) priced entry deals. Resist all the merchandise.

But yeah, it must ultimately suck and I'm really sorry.

BettyFocker · 21/11/2014 19:29

I think rather than focusing on not being able to afford to go and feeling sad for your DD, you should talk to her about jealousy and how there will be lots of times in life when people will be doing fun things that she isn't, have things that she doesn't and vice versa.

I would like to take DS to Disneyland in Florida when he's older because he's into Disney. But looking at the prices is eyewatering and it would take a hell of a lot of saving for us to ever go. I wasn't interested in Disney at all as a child and never went on holiday outside of England, and by holiday, I mean staying at a relative's house. I sometimes felt jealous of my friends who would go abroad every summer. But some of my other friends never went anywhere at all, didn't get computer games and clothes like I did, whose parents really struggled to afford anything. So it all works both ways. Your DD is jealous of her friend but she probably has a friend who is jealous of aspects of your DD's life. Try to talk to her about this rather than focusing on not going to Disney.

And just to add, I went to Disneyland Paris when I was 15 and hated it. It was freezing and the rides and food were shit.

Kab13 · 21/11/2014 21:01

I went to Disneyland as a child a few times as had relatives nearby. It's really not all that. Can't remember most of it!

HappyAgainOneDay · 21/11/2014 21:48

ThaAlias I know no one who has been to a Disney theme park (that's all it is so what's the matter with Alton Towers or Chessington?).

NickyFury One doesn't have to go anywhere to know about it. There's plenty of information on the internet, in holiday brochures and on mumsnet forums to have an opinion. Would you ever have a pit bull dog? No, thought not.

OtlliaVonB Cup Quite right.

Riverboat

"I remember wanting to go, but it wouldn't have mattered how much I begged."

At last! This is how it should be.

jellybeans · 21/11/2014 22:47

Mine have never been and I am not bothered whatsoever. Don't get sucked in by hype and competition. I am the poor end of an affluent area so know how it feels. I was a poor teenage mum. But I am happy with what we have and it is more than most in the world have.

itsbetterthanabox · 21/11/2014 23:09

We did it when I was a kid but a very cheap way, I know any holiday can be too much though but if you can do it cheap Obviously don't stay in Disneyland! Stay outside in a cheaper hotel. We got an overnight ferry there which was much cheaper. We stayed with friends who live in Paris but there are cheaper hotels or do airbnb! Airbnb can be very cheap.
They do deals on tickets to the park at less busy times of the year. Take packed lunches into the parks. It can be done without spending a fortune. I do think those who spend a fortune on it are being ridiculous.

Adarajames · 21/11/2014 23:11

Take her to the Fairy Fair in Norfolk instead, far more magical, based on nature and conservation but all through the wonder of the wild woods and story and craft, and learning of our own folklore and stories of myth and magic. Far cheaper and far far far nicer!

BeeBawBabbity · 21/11/2014 23:32

Oh God Disneyland Paris was awful. Honestly the worst holiday I've ever had. Overpriced, tacky, queues galore, rank food.....

I cant imagine flying across the Atlantic for a bigger version.

I appreciate that might be hard to explain to a 6 year old though.

NickiFury · 22/11/2014 00:05

Oh I am not arguing that you and other posters cannot have an opinion Happy I just wondered how they can be quite so strenuous about something you've never experienced? But as you say you've read a lot about it and Disney does seem to provoke an intense reaction in some.

curiousgeorgie · 22/11/2014 00:12

The Fairy Fair in Norfolk is more magical than "The Magic Kingdom"?!

Okay.

If your DD really wants to go, then just save. If you can't, you can't. It's fine. Not everyone needs to go. It doesn't make you a bad parent and you shouldn't feel guilty. It's clear you care.

Triooooooooooo · 22/11/2014 00:48

We've always managed to go to Disney pretty cheaply, in fact holiday pirates had an offer for four nights including tickets, meals and hotel for under £500 for a family of four. It may not be out of your reach.

But yabu for feeling guilty, the world won't melt if she doesn't go.

Thumbwitch · 22/11/2014 02:33

I think that it's perfectly normal for children from the ages of about 6 til 10 to want to do whatever their best friend is doing as well - and if that's Disney, then that's what they want to do. The best friend going ON and ON about it will not be helping, it's just reinforcing the idea all the time - and of course your DD will be thinking it's the only thing in the entire world that would make her life worth living at the moment, because that's how children tend to think.

My best friend got a horse when she was 9 - I wanted one too, so badly - but we couldn't afford it (nor the time!). I got my horseriding lessons, but that was it (and in all honestly, that was enough, even though it might nor have felt like it at the time)

I wanted to go to Disneyland when I was small, so much - but I never went. However, I did go to Eurodisney shortly after it opened, and that was good enough for me (I was already an adult when that happened!)

I completely understand why you feel guilty, not being able to give your DD what seems to be her current heart's desire - but you can't, and that's something she's going to have to learn and try to understand. Perhaps, and I know this is tricky, you could have a word with the friend's mum and ask her to get her DD to rein it in while she's with your DD, as it's a bit unfair on your DD? I can't see what else you can do, you don't want to stop them playing with each other, but you do need to stop the going on and on and on about it.

IsabellaofFrance · 22/11/2014 08:17

Well I have been so am I allowed an opinion to say I don't like it?

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