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Original poster

To feel terribly guilty that DD will probably never go to Disneyland?

178 replies

JeremyKylesEyebrow · 19/11/2014 20:09

I know I am BU, but have PMS and due to unforeseen financial difficulties, we're looking at a tight Christmas.

DD's best friend is going to Disneyland this spring. She has been going ON and ON about it. DD, therefore, has also been going ON and ON about it.

DD's friend has really been rubbing it in a bit. She comes in to play at our house most days (they are 6) and the Disney talk is constant. She is understandably very excited. DD went to her house one day, and friend was showing her lots of videos of the place.

DD has been full of questions. Why can't we go to Disneyland? EVERYONE ELSE has been, etc etc. I've tried to explain to her that DH and I don't have much money, that different parents like to spend money on different things, that lots of children don't go to Disneyland. And also that I didn't want to hear any more about it, and that if we do go, it will be when she is older and can appreciate it more.

Tonight she ended up in tears, saying her friend was going on about it again, that she feels jealous.

This is all pretty unusual for DD. She isn't particularly fussed on Disney as a rule.

Anyway, I have just watched one of those bastarding Disney adverts and burst into tears. Because we're poooor, and I can't take DD to Disney and waah wah.

It doesn't help that DD's bio dad (who doesn't have any interest in her and doesn't pay maintenance) has been to Disney about six times with his current g/f and her daughter (DD doesn't know this)

I know I need a slap. I don't even WANT to go myself!

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 21/11/2014 09:42

Feel for you, and agree with the poster upthread that people sometimes focus their disappointment on one particular aspect of having less than they want. While i had a very happy childhood, there were lots of things that i felt i was missing, especially when we were abroad. Now, many years later, i have caught up with some of them and , in general, i now see why my parents chose not to do them.

It came together for me, when i did a case study on Estee Lauder ( other major brands) available. They made no bones about the fact that they 'made cremes, but sold dreams', to illustrate the difference between production and marketing.

If you could help dd to see the difference, it might help. I won,t expect she will be able to, for a few years yet, but i feel strongly that its worth trying. Not just saying 'we don't do those sorts of things' but really talk to her about the difference between perception and reality. Might help you see through those Disney video adverts, too. Wish i could help, it will all come right in the end, best wishes.

vintagecrap · 21/11/2014 09:47

I am 36 and I have never been. While it's not made any difference to me at all, I would still love to go. Just once. I know I'd get all teary at the pink castle but that's just nostalgia and childhood emotions. Hell of a lot of money for that.

Dd has never been. It's very unlikely I will ever be able to take her. We can't even afford more than camping so it just isn't going to happen. But she hasn't really expressed and desire to go and we do a lot of other things instead like festivals or day trips etc.

I know it sometimes stings a little, I know I feel it when my fb feed is full of families with micky. But then they might be just as envious when my feed is of dd and I at a festival.

Tiredemma · 21/11/2014 09:53

I would avoid Paris like the plague.

Florida though is v good in comparison and much better value for money (IMO)

Johnogroats · 21/11/2014 09:58

I took the boys to Disneyland Paris when they were 4&6. It was not a success for the reasons others have given, plus it was bloody freezing. They never asked to go back, although they still talk about going up the Eiffel Tower the following day.

We have been to Disney Florida once. Boys 7&9. They enjoyed it but preferred New York. It is not the paradise that the marketing people would have you believe.

I know it won't be easy for DD to believe or accept this. Sorry OP.

IrianofWay · 21/11/2014 10:02

You already know you're being daft and that your DD isn't really missing out so I won't tell you that. I will however offer my sympathy. Our school always has two really expensive school trip that kids can go on every year - Space Camp in US and a week doing voluntary work in South Africa. Both cost best part of 2k. We sent DS1 on the Space Camp one 2 years ago - DD said she wasn't interested which was fortunate as DH lost his job about 18 months ago and it was out of the question Sad. We sent her on a riding holiday with a friend instead at a fraction of the cost. But now it turns out that ALL her best mates are going on one of the trips and one of them is going on both! I feel awful for her. But sometimes there is no choice and that is a lesson that has to be learned at some point. Maybe better now than later. But yes, it does hurt x

specialsubject · 21/11/2014 10:03

jealousy is a playground emotion - but your child is 6 and in the playground!

Everyone else hasn't been, of course - but again, she is 6. Time for a gentle talk on The Way Things Are, which is that some people have more money than others and can afford to do things that others can't. And also that wanting things such as this which you can't have and don't need just makes you unhappy.

stop watching TV ads, too - if you have a recorder box use that, never watch commercial channels live. If you don't, go out of the room or grab a book while the ads roll!

Custardo · 21/11/2014 10:07

I went to Disneyland France and ended up in tears on main street. I cannot state strongly enough how fu king hiddious it is

BerniceBroadside · 21/11/2014 10:08

I didn't get to go as a child as it was simply too expensive. I took myself as an adult. Fair enough, I am a bit odd, but I don't think it was caused by a lack of disney in my formative years.

There are ways to do disney Paris a lot cheaper, if you ever do have a little spare cash. I think tesco vouchers can be exchanged for tickets, and possibly also for the Eurostar and ferries. Coach trips can work out a fairly cost effective way, especially if you live In the north.

Your ex deserves a good kick in the bollocks.

NotYouNaanBread · 21/11/2014 10:13

DH is American so did the whole Disney thing growing up, but dear LORD - it costs SO MUCH MONEY! It's simply not MORAL to spend that much money on something you patently don't need in a direct response to a multi-million dollar marketing campaign. People write dystopian novels about this sort of thing.

Save money. When DD is 10 take the family on a 6 week trip to South East Asia and spend a couple of weeks clambering around at Angkor Wat and going scuba diving on tiny islands in Thailand. THAT is a trip worth spending a few bob on, not 2 weeks of spendspendspend at Disney because a thoughtless little girl of 6 hasn't been told by her parents not to brag.

#antidisney

Fullpleatherjacket · 21/11/2014 10:21

Actually on second thoughts a ds1 and dd have been when they did a French exchange via school.

Wait until she's in secondary, OP. She'll enjoy it far more with her mates and you'll have saved yourself the trouble, expense and angst Grin

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 21/11/2014 10:34

I will never take my 2 dc even if I did have the money.

DC got bored of lego land after 2 days

Sipsmith · 21/11/2014 10:44

We took our DS to the Paris one for a day, only because I got an incredibly cheap deal and we were going to France on holiday.

It was possibly the worst experience of our lives. He pesters to go to Florida, but it NEVER going to happen. Of course it isn't helped by his delightful grandparents going regularly to the Florida one (and Harry Plopper land), but always in term time and never offering to take him.

girlywhirly · 21/11/2014 10:47

I took DS when he was 9 to Disneyland Paris. It was OK because it was a lot newer then, but he wasn't tall enough for quite a few rides which annoyed him as he was quite up for some adult type scary ones. Yes the usual complaints apply, long queues, expensive etc. I wouldn't have done it again. One plus was that the weather was good, and not too hot or cold, and we were upgraded to a better hotel near the park.

I compare the ads to those ones for toys and games that look so exciting in the TV ads, but when you come to play with them they just don't deliver. It's a hard lesson to learn for a 6yo but that's life, imperfect at times.

I hadn't even been out of the UK until I was 24, never been on a plane. Holidays as a kid were seaside staying in a B&B, or guesthouse, and going to the funfairs and attractions there. My parents simply couldn't afford anything else.

thedevilinside · 21/11/2014 11:51

You can have a cheap holiday to France, camping or in a mobile home, and then have a day trip to visit the horror that is Euro Disney. We all preferred Parc Asterix and the DC only ever talk about the Eiffel Tower.

cherrybombxo · 21/11/2014 12:37

I've never been to Disneyland and I'm still standing. Several of my friends went when we were kids and DP and I would LOVE to go now but neither of us drive, which I've been assured would make a trip to Florida a nightmare.

As others have said, find something else for her to get excited about. She's young, she'll get over it quickly enough once her loudmouth friend shuts up about it.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 21/11/2014 12:41

I'm in psycho-therapy right now, because of this. My bastard parents also never took me to the magic kingdom.

Not really :)

SallyMcgally · 21/11/2014 12:44

I was desperate to take my little boys and to make magical memories for them, but it really is expensive and we never did it. We managed to go to Paris for a few days last year and I looked into Disneyland, and it would have cost us £200 to go for a day which is insane. Then I read about the over-priced disgusting food they sell there (you're not allowed to take your own), having to queue for 2 hours for certain rides so that by the end of the day you've barely really done anything. On the day we arrived in Paris there was a newspaper article about a little boy who was critically ill after falling from the pirate ship and being crushed (he survived by the way). By this time none of us wanted to set foot in the bloody place, and my eldest son is now quite proud of NOT wanting to go there.

Badvocinapeartree · 21/11/2014 12:46

It's a theme park.
She is 6.
She will get over it.
though. It's tough to not be able to do things for your dc.

simonthedog · 21/11/2014 12:46

I would say the majority of children don't get to go.

I have never been.

If she still wants to go as a adult she will be able to save up and take herself.

I think I would have something to say to her father though.

Summerisle1 · 21/11/2014 12:50

Neither of my dcs went to Disneyland despite a friend who lived in Paris having a resident's discount when it first opened. Neither of them grew up scarred by my failure to expose them to the Evil Mouse Empire and interestingly, ds2 is in no hurry to whisk his own dds off there either.

Please try and ignore the quite ridiculous Disney adverts which suggest that anyone who hasn't bought into their marketing strategies is, in some way, guilty of parental neglect.

As your dd grows up she'll encounter any number of friends who have something she may not have or indeed, had never considered wanting up to that point. You will certainly be told that "everyone" has whatever a desired item is. You can choose to ignore this.

MrsDeVere · 21/11/2014 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nosleeptilever · 21/11/2014 12:55

I was never taken to disneyland, and we could have driven there! I'm ok with it. She will be ok but I know how crap it feels to not be able to afford things.

AliceinWinterWonderland · 21/11/2014 12:58

I grew up in the states and raised dd in the states, and because we lived relatively close by, she went to Disneyland a lot. But I didn't go until I'd taken her when she was 10 - so I was 30. I survived my childhood relatively unharmed by lack of Disneyland (and my parents went once without us when we were very young!).

I am now raising ds1 and ds2, and they most likely won't go to Disneyland. Stbx would never allow me to take them out of the country (controlling), and as ds1 is disabled and ds2 has SNs, they'd likely not enjoy it much anyway - or be quite overwrought by it all. They're quite happy to play with Disney Infinity on the Wii. Grin Cheaper, and I don't have to leave home.

As everyone has said. It's just a theme park, really.

AliceinWinterWonderland · 21/11/2014 13:00

If it helps, you can always tell her that if she wants to go when she is 18 or 21 (or whatever age you want to use), then she needs to save her money and wait until then, so that she's then tall enough to go on ALL the rides. At 6yo, there'll be a fair few she won't be big enough for.

Sothisishowitfeels · 21/11/2014 13:01

I went to disney as a child - it was a good holiday but tbh doesnt stand out any more than the other holidays we had, which were either in this country or france. I dont think the actual place made much of a difference - my strongest memory of a childhood holiday is laughing like mad at my grandmother screaming her head of because she opened the blinds in her bedroom to find a cow licking her window. That was is Devon!