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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel terribly guilty that DD will probably never go to Disneyland?

178 replies

JeremyKylesEyebrow · 19/11/2014 20:09

I know I am BU, but have PMS and due to unforeseen financial difficulties, we're looking at a tight Christmas.

DD's best friend is going to Disneyland this spring. She has been going ON and ON about it. DD, therefore, has also been going ON and ON about it.

DD's friend has really been rubbing it in a bit. She comes in to play at our house most days (they are 6) and the Disney talk is constant. She is understandably very excited. DD went to her house one day, and friend was showing her lots of videos of the place.

DD has been full of questions. Why can't we go to Disneyland? EVERYONE ELSE has been, etc etc. I've tried to explain to her that DH and I don't have much money, that different parents like to spend money on different things, that lots of children don't go to Disneyland. And also that I didn't want to hear any more about it, and that if we do go, it will be when she is older and can appreciate it more.

Tonight she ended up in tears, saying her friend was going on about it again, that she feels jealous.

This is all pretty unusual for DD. She isn't particularly fussed on Disney as a rule.

Anyway, I have just watched one of those bastarding Disney adverts and burst into tears. Because we're poooor, and I can't take DD to Disney and waah wah.

It doesn't help that DD's bio dad (who doesn't have any interest in her and doesn't pay maintenance) has been to Disney about six times with his current g/f and her daughter (DD doesn't know this)

I know I need a slap. I don't even WANT to go myself!

OP posts:
wigfieldrocks · 21/11/2014 08:23

You're right Mintyy, poor choice of words there made me sound like a twat. I suppose what I really meant was I wouldn't want to go even if I could afford it.

skylark2 · 21/11/2014 08:28

My kids have never been to Disneyland either - they're 18 and 15, it won't be happening ever. The world hasn't ended.

It's a choice, for goodness sake, even if you could afford it. It's one possible holiday destination - IMO a particularly horrible one, all concrete and crowds.

WeirdCatLady · 21/11/2014 08:31

I'm 41 and I've never been. I wouldn't mind going, but i hate queues and crowds so I don't think I'd enjoy it.
Hope you feel a bit better today OP x

Siarie · 21/11/2014 08:40

I didn't go as a child as my parents couldn't afford to. Do I feel like I missed out? Yes, I do actually. It's one of those things you can't get back but I'm hopeful that when j wake my children I might still get to enjoy it.

But I would by lying if I said I didn't care.

Siarie · 21/11/2014 08:40

I take * sigh!

outofcontrol2014 · 21/11/2014 08:46

Loads of kids never go to Disneyland, it's not a bleeding human right! I wouldn't go there if they paid me!

This is just artificial pressure created by marketing. Don't give in to it - RESIST! Tell your daughter that there are much more wonderful things in life than an amusement park, show her how poor kids from the developing world slums are, then spend some quality time together as a family.

magimedi · 21/11/2014 08:54

My DS (now mid 30s) berates me for his deprived childhood in that he never went to a theme park of any sort! Grin

And, he never had a Mr Frosty.

Just wait until I have a DGC - Mr Frosty will be its first present! Grin

Coyoacan · 21/11/2014 08:58

When I was a child, many moons ago, Butlins was what was advertised on television and I used to nag my mother about it. Finally one summer she took us for an afternoon to Butlins and it was dead boring, I couldn't wait to get away.

slippermaiden · 21/11/2014 09:00

I never went as a child. My father in law took us all last year and we all loved it, maybe me the most. Your daughter can go one day when there is enough money, maybe her money and it willbe worth the wait

Miggsie · 21/11/2014 09:03

95% of the population of this planet haven't been to Disneyworld.

WD41 · 21/11/2014 09:04

Yabu. I have never been and have no desire to do so. We will not be taking DD. Of course not everybody has been.

Personally I think it's tacky, overpriced rubbish and anybody who goes all the way to the states to spend their time in theme parks is seriously lacking in imagination.

cricketpitch · 21/11/2014 09:05

Never been, kids never been; no-one feels deprived. Understand that your kids want to go though and that it is hard sometimes to feel that you can't give your children what they want. (I always wanted a pony by the way - always......more than anything.... never got one; surprise, surprise.)

You sound like a caring mum and you love your DD - that's what is important here,

adsy · 21/11/2014 09:06

(I won't take DS ever because I thinks its a rip off and there are much better holidays to go on.)
I agree. my idea of a hell holiday. No way will I be taking the dc and I feel so strongly about how shite it is that if DGP offered to take them for free I'd say no.

Heels99 · 21/11/2014 09:07

Tell her she has already been. When she was 2. Mock up some pictures.

Job done.

Repeat for any other 'must do' destinations.

ThursdayLast · 21/11/2014 09:08

Even if my parents had been able to afford it, there's no way in hell they would have taken me and my sister. And that was that.

I did take myself to the one in California when I was travelling - but I was 22 and with my boyf. NO WAY I'd want to traipse around with small children in tow!

TheWordFactory · 21/11/2014 09:16

OP I bloody love Disneyworld and all things Florida.

But this is not something you should worry about. In fact, I suspect you might have just fixed on this as a symptom of worrying about money generally (?).

When I was a child, we were very poor. Very very. And my Mum would usually stay chipper, but occasionally she would fix on something that we couldn't afford and it would really depress her. It was always something for me, and always something not terribly important Wink.

My advice in this would be to acknowledge that being skint is rubbish. Don't listen to the nonsense about money being unimportant, that family is all about love yadda yadda yadda. This just dismisses your perfectly genuine feelings and those of your DD.

Then once you've acknowledged it, think laterally. What is it about the trip that you and your DD really would like? How can you capture that feeling in a cheaper way?

Then look forward. Is there anything you can do to improve finances? How can you prepare your DD to ensure her won financial outlook is good as an adult?

That's what my Mum did anyway Grin.

MaliceInWonderland78 · 21/11/2014 09:16

I think this would be more of an issue if she really was into all things Disney. I've been a few times with the kids (once Florida and a couple of times to Paris - on our way to from elsewhere in France).

I don't know what your personal circumstances are OP, but have a look to see if it's do-able (if you think she REALLY would like to go). It can be done relatively cheaply - though it might mean not spending on other Christmas and Birthday's. My mother took my youngest sister (half sister) when it first opened. They went on a coach (for not much money). The rest of us didn't go. We survived - even though I remember feeling a little bit annoyed at the time that we were being left at home but then my mum's like that

TheBogQueen · 21/11/2014 09:19

I never went to Disneyland

My children are definitely not going to go. Any fuss - I tell them to call Childline.

Catsarebastards · 21/11/2014 09:25

When we were children, my dad (for reasons known only to himself) Hmm ordered the video to show us what disneyland was like. He is the tightest man on the earth and hates holidays so we hit the roof with excitement and settled down to watch the video thinking we were going to disneyland. Then mum came home from work and EXPLODED at him. He had no intention of taking us to disneyland. Christ knows what possessed him to let us watch the video and think we were going. We were gutted.

But we're both fine now we almost never mention that awful time Grin

Seriously though, we remind him as a joke but really we are both completely ok with it. We understood there just wasnt the money.

NickiFury · 21/11/2014 09:26

I too love Disney. Favourite holiday. Have been to both Florida and Paris.

As an ADULT. When I could afford to take myself. My parents never took me and it's certainly never bothered me.

Sunna · 21/11/2014 09:26

Disneyland is vile.

I'm eternally grateful that my DCs have never expressed a desire to go to any of the Disney places.

unlucky83 · 21/11/2014 09:30

Like Thursday! I went to Disneyworld in California when I was in LA anyway as a 23 yr old. With a gang of Americans, who had been lots of times and knew their way around etc. It was fun but I think the inside knowledge (eg best order of rides to avoid queues) etc and the company made it!
We went when it was the cheapest and the children should be at school etc so had the smallest queues but we did still spend a looooong time queuing -fine with good company -I'd imagine shit with small bored children...
(And one of our party nearly get thrown out ...in the cafe forgot to ask for something, followed the waitress to the kitchen and stuck his head through the door...apparently that was a massive NO - going 'behind the scenes'...the manager spoke to him etc - all a bit OTT (we thought it was funny) ...that's probably my most memorable bit of the whole experience!)

Don't worry - your DD will be fine without ever going ...like if she can't have her own horse or a house with a swimming pool ...there are much more important things in life -like feeling safe and loved - your care and attention alone is priceless...

NewEraNewMindset · 21/11/2014 09:31

Bloody hell get a grip PLEASE. There are people starving to death around the world, being raped and tortured and you are upset because you can't afford to take your child to Disneyland?!!!

We never went on holiday full stop. My father would have rather stuck pins in his eyes than set foot on an aeroplane, I don't think he ever owned a passport. I have survived, I went to Disneyland Paris when I was 30 and had a great time. Just tell her that she can go when she is older, it doesn't disappear once you pass 7 years of age!

adsy · 21/11/2014 09:36

I've never really understood. Isn't it just a theme park with rides and people wearing suits?

tigermoll · 21/11/2014 09:36

I used to work in Disneyland and I can tell you for a fact who has the best time there - young, loved up couples and groups of mates in their twenties. NOT CHILDREN.

Most of the children have been so hyped up by Disney marketing that there is no way the reality of the park can ever live up to it. They are exhausted from having to queue and being on their feet all day, they have been eating junk food so they feel sluggish and fractious, it's loud, it's overwhelming and they are being bombarded with shops and things to buy. They cry, they whine, they pick up on the 'holiday of a lifetime' vibe from their parents; the desperation that this 'has' to be amazing because it was so expensive. It's a nightmare.

If she wants. she can go when she's a grown up. I promise you she will have a much, much better time.