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Original poster

To feel terribly guilty that DD will probably never go to Disneyland?

178 replies

JeremyKylesEyebrow · 19/11/2014 20:09

I know I am BU, but have PMS and due to unforeseen financial difficulties, we're looking at a tight Christmas.

DD's best friend is going to Disneyland this spring. She has been going ON and ON about it. DD, therefore, has also been going ON and ON about it.

DD's friend has really been rubbing it in a bit. She comes in to play at our house most days (they are 6) and the Disney talk is constant. She is understandably very excited. DD went to her house one day, and friend was showing her lots of videos of the place.

DD has been full of questions. Why can't we go to Disneyland? EVERYONE ELSE has been, etc etc. I've tried to explain to her that DH and I don't have much money, that different parents like to spend money on different things, that lots of children don't go to Disneyland. And also that I didn't want to hear any more about it, and that if we do go, it will be when she is older and can appreciate it more.

Tonight she ended up in tears, saying her friend was going on about it again, that she feels jealous.

This is all pretty unusual for DD. She isn't particularly fussed on Disney as a rule.

Anyway, I have just watched one of those bastarding Disney adverts and burst into tears. Because we're poooor, and I can't take DD to Disney and waah wah.

It doesn't help that DD's bio dad (who doesn't have any interest in her and doesn't pay maintenance) has been to Disney about six times with his current g/f and her daughter (DD doesn't know this)

I know I need a slap. I don't even WANT to go myself!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 21/11/2014 14:09

Children do this from time to time. You can't afford Disneyland and won't be going this year anyway. There's always somebody going to be better off than you. If the next person goes to somewhere more exotic you don't have to feel obliged. With my DD it was a horse. Everyone had a horse. Though in reality only two people she knew had one.

MaryWestmacott · 21/11/2014 14:11

Thing is for people saying "oh i'd rather go elsewhere" or "it's my idea of hell" - there's a world of difference between being able to choose not to do something and the sad realisation it's not an option even if you wouldn't fancy it anyway.

OP - to me, it sounds more like you aren't particularly upset about Disneyland as such, just that you aren't able to do the things you'd like for your DD because of finances, and that's perfectly understandable. It's Disneyland that's upset you, but it could just as easily been horse riding lessons, or expensive music tuition, or dance classes, or private schooling, or anyone of a million things/experiences that wealthier parents have as an option for their DCs, even if they don't choose to use that option.

If you are poorer than a lot of your DD's friends' parents, then you will have to get used to this - there's going to be lots of occasions where you can't afford something they can, but you know what, your DD won't remember the disappointment at not having the 'stuff' as long as shes happy.

MargaretRiver · 21/11/2014 14:14

Disney can be great fun ( we've been to 3 different ones) but I agree that the advertising tends to overhype it and that younger DC can get overwhelmed

BUT , none of these opinions are anything like as Strong as those people who claim they would literally prefer to eat human shit, etc, than ever venture somewhere that they have, in fact, never experienced,and are therefore in no way qualified to make a judgment upon

How would you rate my opinion if I said I'd never been to a festival or national trust house, but knew they were deeply crap and only a fool would take their child near one?

Purplepixiedust · 21/11/2014 14:15

Disneyland is not compulsory. However why not look at doing Disneyland paris on the cheap if you really want to? I am taking DS in February. Booked it 13 months in advance, kids under 12 free and early booking discount made a huge difference in price. Cheap flights booked separately (or you can eurostar). Yes it will be (really) cold but I have bought thermals! We are very excited :)

Damnautocorrect · 21/11/2014 14:26

I've had this from my 6 year old
'Why haven't /can't we go to Disney land / world'
It's really hard, I've never been and I've never spent that much / had that much to spend on a holiday.

Do you want to take her in the future? Could you start a jar she can see which is the Disney fund where you once a month put in say a tenner or so, even if it takes until she's twenty. She can say it
appreciate that could be a stupid idea

GooodMythicalMorning · 21/11/2014 14:26

That's true Purplepixiedust, we're driving to make it even cheaper.

Bonsoir · 21/11/2014 15:24

We took DD to Disneyland Paris for her fourth birthday (just down the road for us). I thought she "ought" to go as it is one of the things that children who live in Paris generally do and we could then tick it off our list.

She was really bored and has never wanted to go back!

bigTillyMint · 21/11/2014 15:36

I agree with Euphemia - what children need is constancy of love and affection, not material goods and fancy holidays.
She will get over it.

We took the DC to Disneyland Paris when they were probably 9 and 11. We had a very long day there. They enjoyed it, but it wasn't the be all. They have never expressed a desire to go to Disneyland Florida. Thank God!

Coyoacan · 21/11/2014 15:44

there's going to be lots of occasions where you can't afford something they can, but you know what, your DD won't remember the disappointment at not having the 'stuff' as long as shes happy

Actually, we were poor when we were growing up and it was my mother who suffered having to say no, much more than we did.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 21/11/2014 15:52

I agree with the posters who are saying this isn't really about Disney but more about the realisation that you can't give you DD the experiences you might like to because money is tight. It is understandable that you feel frustrated but hopefully you can focus on the things you can do with your DD that she loves and will create happy memories.

whattheseithakasmean · 21/11/2014 15:55

curious my children have never particularly wanted to go to Disneyland - I bet that is a shock to your system! They are both fairly untypical girls in their own way - we had the Barbie phase but neither went Disney princess wild and my older girl was terrified at the thought of giant Micky Mouse type figures (but then, she was scared of the Tellytubbies Grin)

We could afford it & we do take the girls abroad, but their best holiday memory is when we went youth hosteling in Sutherland & Assynt. It still sits above our more exotic destinations in our best family holiday ever.

OP, my girls are now 12 & 17 and I think they would refuse to go to Disneyland now - they certainly don't think they have missed anything.

TheWordFactory · 21/11/2014 15:59

I think posters taking the moral high ground about how dreadful Disney Land is, are spectacularly missing the point!!!!!

This is about being skint and how that feels. It can't just be dismissed by others saying it's a dreadful place.

JoanHickson · 21/11/2014 16:10

This is for you about your ex taking another child. For your dd about learning to get over jealousy.

I didn't go to Disney as a child. I took my children to Florida. It was an amazing treasured holiday. Your dd can go as an adult.

wannabestressfree · 21/11/2014 16:23

My dad was a miner when I was a child and thus on strike a lot and then had a succession of shit or no jobs. We went to a caravan if we were lucky.
I took my two boys to the one in America whilst my eldest was in hospital (it was respite) and they really had a wonderful time. We did everything- paid for by relatives as it's was very expensive. It was a dream for all of us.
BUT these are one in a million things not everyday occurrences. I have really learnt over time that money does not equate happiness.

Surreyblah · 21/11/2014 16:29

That is really shitty of your ex. Anything further to be done to make him pay maintenance?

MrsCosmopilite · 21/11/2014 16:32

It probably doesn't help at all but I am not a Disney fan. In fact I have a deep-seated hatred for Mickey Mouse.
DD (3.9) is constantly singing stuff from 'Frozen' at the moment as it's all over nursery. Drives me up the wall.
I'm sure friends of hers have been to Disneyland but
a) it's too expensive
b) it's far too commercial
c) I hate Mickey Mouse
and d) I have vowed never to go

If we were to go the States it would be to see things that we can't see at home, to visit friends and family, and to spend quality time. I have no wish to stand for hours in a queue for an overpriced ride, with hideously oversized creatures bouncing around the place, and sugar-laden snacks everywhere.

Shockers · 21/11/2014 16:38

Haven't read the whole thread, but I like ThatBloodyWoman's suggestion of doing something magical just for your DD.
A den in the garden, filled with fluffy pillows and blankets, lit by fairy lights and stuffed with cosy story timesSmile. Even better if you can have a little fire close by to toast marshmallows on.

Btw, I will never take my children to Disneyland either... but that's through choice! If they have a desperate desire to go the the fibreglass kingdom, they can go when they're old enough to go alone and pay for it themselves.

Coyoacan · 21/11/2014 17:01

I didn't even have the money to take my dd to the beach one summer, and we were living in a coastal city at the time, while her charming father had a recently acquired a car, a boat, a house and two huge dogs, but wouldn't send us a penny. So you have my sympathy in this, OP.

I8toys · 21/11/2014 17:01

Been to Disneyland Paris once - not going back again. It was good but too crowded. My children will never get to go to America as I refuse to pay thousands for a holiday - would rather get a new car. If you can afford it all well and good but we do loads of other things. Days out, theatre trips, museum trips. Wouldn't feel bad about it just be more imaginative in what you can treat her to.

Marylou2 · 21/11/2014 17:06

My DD 7 hasn't been and probably never will. I have no interest in it at all.I went to a conference at Disney Paris and found it laughably tacky. Your DD won't come to any harm by not giving this grotesque marketing excercise a miss.

SallyMcgally · 21/11/2014 17:15

I don't think it is completely missing the point to say that Disneyland may not end up being the answer to a little girl's dreams. It could be quite helpful to recognise the absurdity of scrimping and saving to pay for something that, for many people, has fallen short, or of beating yourself up too badly if it just isn't possible (which is the case for so many of us). This is often the case when it's magic that you have to pay for. I like the idea of creating the magic by toasting marshmallows lit by fairy lights etc - that sounds brilliant.

cheesecakemom · 21/11/2014 17:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

notagainffffffffs · 21/11/2014 17:22

You have my sympathies op , but if it helps I raged at my mother because I wanted an eye patch just like my best friend (she had a lazy eye).
This went on for months and months and I faked a vision test in order to achieve said eye patch.

Anyway, I think your disappointment is totally normal, it would be lovely to give our kids their dreams on a platter but sadly it cant always happen.
Maybe yoy could tell her about working at disney one day, she could be cinderlla or dress up as Minnie and get to live at the park! Maybe look at drama classes or dressing up costumes to divert her energy

TheAlias · 21/11/2014 17:25

I could count on one hand the number of families I know who have been to Disney.

Is it really so unusual not to go? MY DC are 11 & 13 and have never mentioned wanting to go.

MaryWestmacott · 21/11/2014 17:34

TheAlias - I guess it depends where you live - if you live in an area where most people couldn't afford it, it won't feel like a big deal, if you live in an area where it's something that most children will do, then being the only 'poor' family can be a lot worse.

It could be Disney, or ballet lessons, or a horse, or a million other things, not being able to afford what the norm is for your DCs class is never going to feel nice, and is going to be harder than not going ot be able to afford the same thing in an area where noone else can afford it either.