To screen shot this woman's fiances messages

[Fanfeckintastic]

I'm sick to death of seeing cheating slimeballs every where I go!
In my year and a bit of singledom I really saw it all and got propositioned by so many unlikely apparently loved up husband's and partners I have a whole new view on (most) men!

Anyway, I use a Facebook selling page and a couple of times when I've posted a question or a product for sale I get private messages from a random man trying to make conversation, well yesterday the guy was obviously in a serious relationship and was engaged, pics of his partner as his cover photo, the girls name listed quite clearly in the relationship status etc.
So I just saw red for this poor woman and screen shot his creepy messages and sent them to her stating I wasn't trying to cause trouble but I would want to know if I was in her shoes. She didn't reply and I'm glad but I'm feeling pretty awful to be honest, it seems really juvenile doesn't it? But I'm sick of men getting away with this stuff because nobody speaks up!

its probably gone into her "others" messages so she wont see it for about a year....then the shit will hit the fan, and you will have this random woman messaging you, questioning you, thinking you are shagging her bloke
She will check your profile, find out where you, live, work, what you had for dinner......and stalk the shit out of you, yeah I wouldnt worry

Sheesh. No-one is saying the girlfriend or wife is responsible for the man's actions. Its just making what they do public.

And if a woman gets several messages from different women telling her that her boyfriend is messaging women he doesn't know, then if she doesn't do something about it, that's her lookout.

Its the risk a man takes if he's going to flirt with strangers. There are no rules about how someone should respond or ignoring it. His choice - don't send the message, no risk of someone sending it on.

People always say 'maybe she would prefer not to know' but I've never met anyone in real life who feels that way. Much to the contrary, ime.

To U2TheEdge - oh it definitely won't stop him being a prick. He clearly IS a prick (unless he's in an open relationship, in which case, his pickup strategy is poor at best, but so be it). But if his partner is given an example of him being a prick and didn't already know he was one, then she can make the call about whether she wants to spend her life with a prick. Perhaps she'll decide she'd like to be with someone nice instead.

And on a wider level, perhaps if pricks were called out more, and found it more difficult to get dates, there would start to be fewer of them out there. Obviously this is a drop in a large ocean, but I do think every little helps, and the idea of 'this will always happen' is really depressing.

OP I wouldnt have done that. Id feel too sorry for the woman. But Im not going to judge you for doing it. If he hadnt sent you slimey messages none of this would have happened, would it? Yes, I do think people cover up cheating far too much; the same people who will pour out sympathy to you when you found out and yet they knew all along. It really is a double-edged sword tho - a case of "shoot the messenger" so, people don't want to get involved. But he sent the messages so its his call, really. I understand some women would want to be oblivious but personally I would want to know if my partner was a creep.

Am always surprised to learn just how timid some other people are. Man harasses you - "oooooh do nothing, you might upset him" "his partner might turn into a stalker and track you down". But no qualms about deriding other women complaining about it! Strange that. It really does make me question their agendas. I cannot think why anyone in their right mind would object to a man harassing a woman being called out on it. Really strange responses from some...

YANBU she needed to know, what she does with that information is not your fault.

Agree thechandler if you want change in the way men talk to you then your going to have to speak up.

Some of the posters I find crazy its like worrying that Dapper Laughs has lost all his bookings and theaters losing money etc

YYY, Chandler. Next time something bad happens to me, I really hope there are some 'interfering busybodies' around!

And, to keep banging the 'wider picture' drum, it's no wonder sexual harassment is such a persistent problem when there are so many women with a suitcase of excuses for meekly keeping quiet. The less of this shit gets tolerated, the more blokes will have to think twice before treating women like sex toys.

Well said TheChandler & Garlic

Why should the onus fall upon women to protect the feelings of other women, by being subjected to and then hiding sexist/sexually offensive behaviour by men?

I learned an expression from West Wing, of all shows: "Sunlight is the best disinfectant"

Round of applause for garlic

If you're not 'friends' on Facebook, your message will probably have gone to her "Other" in-box, so unless she checks that (and most people don't) she won't see it.

No one is saying be quiet. I am not the kind of person to sit back and accept harassment, I am far from timid.

As I said, I would do something about it, but I wouldn't involve his partner. It isn't one or the other, tell his partner, or accept harassment. There are other options. In all honestly, I really don't think it is a big deal for the op to do what she did, it just isn't the route I would choose, but that doesn't make me a timid person who would just accept harassment. I was sexually harassed at aged 13 and felt I could do nothing, never again.

Losing count of the amount of people who don't read the thread and come on to tell OP about the 'other' box

A lot of mixed feelings on this as I said before I would be thanking you for informing me my partners a cheating snake!! The people who say keep quiet how would they feel? Surely they would want heads up? I hope she did get the info and fucked the sleazy twat off! Excuse my language lol I honestly think u did the right thing

Im wondering, what are the other options? Creeps like this are bold, they won't care less what you do the only thing likely to stop them in their tracks, is you telling their partner. So, what's to do? Go to the police about the harassment messages...? "out him on FB? Because surely then their partner would find out anyway. With this kind of thing I feel you can't NOT involve his partner unless you stay silent. & silence on sexual harassment is just wrong

I moved back to my home town a few years ago, then back to where I had moved to before. When I moved back I was on a dating site and changed my location to be more local. I got a message from a guy I know who works in a local pub, his girlfriend also works there. I didn't reply to the messages other than a "har har what are you doing on here" and he took things further asking if I would like to meet up somewhere etc. I saw him sitting at an outdoor seating area somewhere else local and was stopping there myself, I asked him of he was still with the woman I had known him to be dating before I had moved away. He said that he wasn't, that she was going back to her home country soon and they would be over. He then that night confirmed that in another messages on the site. Saying how they are always breaking up and they are separating for good.
I smelt bullshit.

So.... I went to wear she works (same place as him), the next day and showed her the messages he had sent me on OD site on my phone. I didn't let him see us together. I gave her my password to the OD site so she could message him herself. She did a few times. She then called me a few days later and asked me to go for a drink with her on her day off. We both sat together outside the glass doors in plain view of where he was station on the bar. I have never seen a man bricking it so hard.

What an scumbag.

I made a friend though which is nice! I had only known her in passing before but we get on well now.

Love that story, Overslept!

Me too, overslept! Did she LTB, though?

Will no-one think of the 'other' box?

Buzzard

Keep getting echos of that fab Classic thread of 'comprehension just isn't a strong point with some people'