To screen shot this woman's fiances messages

[Fanfeckintastic]

I'm sick to death of seeing cheating slimeballs every where I go!
In my year and a bit of singledom I really saw it all and got propositioned by so many unlikely apparently loved up husband's and partners I have a whole new view on (most) men!

Anyway, I use a Facebook selling page and a couple of times when I've posted a question or a product for sale I get private messages from a random man trying to make conversation, well yesterday the guy was obviously in a serious relationship and was engaged, pics of his partner as his cover photo, the girls name listed quite clearly in the relationship status etc.
So I just saw red for this poor woman and screen shot his creepy messages and sent them to her stating I wasn't trying to cause trouble but I would want to know if I was in her shoes. She didn't reply and I'm glad but I'm feeling pretty awful to be honest, it seems really juvenile doesn't it? But I'm sick of men getting away with this stuff because nobody speaks up!

OP you definitely did the right thing. I would want to know, and I can't imagine why anyone would not want to be given the heads-up that their partner is a cheating scumbag. The cheating scummers rely on the other women 'not wanting to get involved' or thinking it's none of their business. Why allow him to get away with it? But then again, I don't like to live with my head sticking in the sand.

And what Droflove said!

Garlic that was a fairly nasty personal attack on Wannabe and if I was her I would report it. Personal attacks are not allowed.

I completely agree with Wannabe and totally disagree with what the op did as I already stated up thread.

She is running an online business and as such should expect to messages of a dodgy nature. I do too. The course of action is up report them to the site moderator.

Secondly the op has no idea who this adult is or who his OH is or anything about their relationship.

Thirdly by interfering in strangers lives like this she is potentially endangering her own safety and perhaps that of others.

I think some posters watch too many reality TV shows or soaps and need to post far more responsibly.

What exactly does the OP need to know about the relationship that might make her action unreasonable?

I have friends in open relationships, and it's not uncommon for acquaintances who don't know to sit them down and say they have 'something to tell them' about their partner. My friends are never offended by this, in fact usually they're quite touched that someone cares about them.

If the man is the type to go and attack the OP for letting his partner know he's a jerk, then it's probably even better that his partner is made aware that she's marrying an asshole, and presumably he'll be arrested. Furthermore, I highly, HIGHLY doubt that the average flirting jerk would do anything awful with the OP's personal info. Finally, I sense that the OP, as a grown adult, is aware that this is a possible, if unlikely, consequence of her actions, and has decided to take this step bearing that in mind. I don't think it was the wrong step, I don't think anyone should feel they HAVE to do it, as they may feel that the risk is too high, but I think suggesting that the OP, or the partner, is likely to come to physical harm because of it, is a little OTT.

"Some women must actually reply to them though, which makes it all the more sad. Maybe the sort of women who disagree with your actions on this thread?" riiight, because of course not wanting to send messages to random women on the internet involving oneself in their relationship makes one the kind of women to reply to this kind of creep. or perhaps most women have better things to do with their time and find the block button far more useful.

Thinking about it,
if someone posted on mn that they'd had a message from a random stranger on fb informing them of their partner's sleezy messages the consensus would probably be that the sender was the ow.

delivering that kind of message with no context i.e. if you're not a friend who knows the op and/or the partner then it just comes across as weird and somewhat righteous.
As for garlic's personal attack, it didn't take much searching to figure out who she is - a long time poster with form who has since namechanged....

This long time poster "with form" namechanges at least once a month, it's no secret I'm not even going to ask about the 'form'!

Serves him right for being a cock.

If you act like a cock, sooner or later you'll have to deal with the consequences of acting like a cock.

Men like this think they can get away with doing stuff like this because they rely on the fact that women want to be 'nice' and 'not rock the boat' and just 'sweep any unpleasantness under the carpet' and forget about it.

They expect their victim to take on the responsibility for the consequences of their actions.

Fuck that.

I think you did the right this OP. If he's a shady wanker this lady can chose whether or not to make him her husband. If they have an open relationship I can guarantee you all that will happen is she will show him the page and they'll have a private giggle over it- it won't hurt the relationship one bit. My friend has an open relationship with her husband and the amount of times people have have told her or her husband the other is cheating. In fairness to them though they always respond to the people and make it clear all is fine but thanks, but then the try and make it clear when propositioning too.

Most poly or open relationship folk are happy to say they are in an open relationship if they are if contacting an 'other', especially if their relationship status is listed as taken somewhere else.

Who can be arsed to get involved in a strangers relationship.

I'd have told him to jog on and then blocked him.

I'd have done the same as you, OP. Not my responsibility to think 'What if...?' about his partner. He's playing her for a fool, most likely and she's better off knowing that.

The message will be sitting in her others box in the messages section. If she access via her phone she may not see it is there.

I would have done the same.

addictedtobass it's not necessarily true that she and DP would be having a giggle over it. I'm in an open relationship, and I'd still be a little if DP was so disrespectful of women in general that he'd mistake "where can I find a dancing class for a 3-year-old?" for "get it here, big boy".

Also, I'd be dead of shock that DP finally figured out how to work FB, but that is neither here nor there...

Ususl well exactly.

Jesus I advertise online for my business and quite frankly if this school boy message popped up to me, and I have had similar, I would just block the person and maybe report to the site.

Hilarious that the women on here disagreeing with the op are those kind of women

If that makes me far too fucking busy with my life, family and business I take that as a compliment.

Rather that than someone who sends wierd messages to other women I have never met over the internet.

Oh wait a minute!

TheBody She is running an online business and as such should expect to messages of a dodgy nature.

Are you serious? Do you live in the UK? What kind of business do you think the OP is running that would cause her to expect "dodgy messages"? She's not on a bloody dating site! If this happened in real life, she would be perfectly within her rights to report them for sexual harassment or worrying behaviour to the police.

In fact, who wrote the manual on what to do with dodgy messages anyway - there are no rules, if you are a cheating, flirtatious husband who likes to harass women, you run the risk that one of the things that might happen is that it get sent to your wife. It doesn't matter how exactly you might react.

Personally think this sort of thing is getting worse precisely because too many women have just ignored it in the past. makes a mental note to go back to inbox folder and copy and paste both messages received this week to the sender's wife and girlfriend respectively

TheChandler

Childminding business snd of course in the UK.

and yes you do occasion get unwanted and sleezy messages.

I block and report.

If messages were threatening or very sexual then I would inform the police.

The ops messages were nothing like this at all.

Obviously he sounds sleezy but to go to the trouble of tracking down his oh or whatever she is and bother to send her a message. to a perfect stranger by a perfect stranger to me is wierd.

Each to their own and maybe a bit of pespective here.

And what precisely is getting worse have you studies statistics on this? Wow.

PedantMarina Lol, yes in the OPs case I expect many people would wonder where he got the idea she was up for 'a big boy'- I meant they'd have a giggle over yet another 'your partner is cheating/trying to cheat message' rather then the messages he sent.

On a sad note, you'd be surprised how many women would actually go for that though. My friend gets all kinds in her fb inbox from men and women - the crap they all come out with. Reminds me of poor webcam invite pop ups sometimes.

TheBody but to go to the trouble of tracking down his oh or whatever she is and bother to send her a message to a perfect stranger by a perfect stranger to me is wierd.

My God. You criticise a woman for taking action to tackle harassment, and say she is weird, etc., but nothing about the man's behaviour! You seem to think it is normal - maybe you should learn to stand up for yourself a bit more, instead of blaming the woman who do that for being "weird"! I think you've got your ideas of what weird is mixed up somewhere along the line...

If my DH was sending dodgy messages to random women on the internet, I'd want to know, so I could cut my losses and get divorced asap.

Has anyone said how the message is probably in her 'other' box yet?

I think YABU. I concern myself with my relationship and mine only. Those of my loved ones if they involve me and I can actually support them.

That is the problem. Some people would prefer not to know, unless you know the person and their view on it then you have no darn business deciding for them if they should know or not.

People should focus on their own relationships and leave others to theirs, well at least strangers anyway. Obviously excluding witnessing abuse etc.

I don't know if the "Others" box functions in the way it used to. Both unwanted flirty messages from random men that I got this week landed in my normal Inbox.

TheBody, First off, specific to this, OP has repeatedly said that she isn't running a business, just posted on a local group asking a perfectly innocuous question. So, sorry, your two situations aren't even equivalent.

More generally, I disagree in general that if you're on t'interweb, perving men is something you just have to deal with. You keep saying what you do about it, and that's what works for you. Good for you.

But not every woman is OK with being treated like meat, and that's what these guys are doing. Some women are so bothered with it, they limit their interactions online. This is the internet equivalent of the street harassment that has been highlighted a lot lately. In each "forum", there are legions of me who think it's their right to treat women like meat (or drive them away, as has been demonstrated and may well be the menz secondary objective ). And there are more than a few women who say the equivalent of "It doesn't bother me, why should it bother you?".

Well, it does. It bothers loads of women.

I would definitely want to know if my dh was up to this kind of malarkey.

Ok well disagree.

Hate when threads get so personal as it spoils the debate as I have pointed out.

However as it has pleasent me reassure you that I value myself well enough thanks.

You are allowed to disagree with the op on mumsnet.

And I do. I

think her actions were at best misguided and childish and at worse dangerous and presumptuous.

It is actually fine to disagree

Thebodynowchillingsothere Disagreeing makes things more interesting, sometimes it makes me think- sometimes it doesn't to be fair but sometimes there's POV I haven't considered.

But "perving men is just something you just have to deal with..."

wHY?