To screen shot this woman's fiances messages

[Fanfeckintastic]

I'm sick to death of seeing cheating slimeballs every where I go!
In my year and a bit of singledom I really saw it all and got propositioned by so many unlikely apparently loved up husband's and partners I have a whole new view on (most) men!

Anyway, I use a Facebook selling page and a couple of times when I've posted a question or a product for sale I get private messages from a random man trying to make conversation, well yesterday the guy was obviously in a serious relationship and was engaged, pics of his partner as his cover photo, the girls name listed quite clearly in the relationship status etc.
So I just saw red for this poor woman and screen shot his creepy messages and sent them to her stating I wasn't trying to cause trouble but I would want to know if I was in her shoes. She didn't reply and I'm glad but I'm feeling pretty awful to be honest, it seems really juvenile doesn't it? But I'm sick of men getting away with this stuff because nobody speaks up!

Exactly addicted

Always up a debate me and it's great to read other people's opinions/experiences and learn from them.

So you wouldn't deal with them then?

Your choice is to email his wife?

If the fiance or wife was your friend then of course save them from the sleazy monster. But I think it's a terrible idea to wade in with people you don't know. For your own wellbeing. There are some scary people out there.

If the guy is potentially that scary by calling him out you could saving his partner from a future battering! In his mind because people don't speak out on it he's probably thinking it's 'a bit of banter' he just needs to keep trying till he finds someone up for it.

I don't think you did it to save his partner though did you op?

You are sick of sleeze ball men, understandable, but I am not so sure you did it for her sake, probably just out of anger, not really thinking about the possible repercussions.

It doesn't matter who would rather know here, plenty of people wouldn't like to know or don't want to deal with the fall out at this point in their lives, and you just assumed that she would want to know, without actually giving her much thought at all.

These are people's real lives, you are getting in the middle of. Deal with it yourself, block him, report him to fb, whatever. I hope they are both reasonable people and it doesn't backfire on you and you end up in a dangerous situation.

No women should put up with sleazy messages, there are other ways of dealing with them though.

He could also be the type of bloke who would actually run a mile if someone took him up on his offer.

I knew a bloke like that. Would come on to people, enjoyed the sleazy flirting and made out he wanted to shag them. He never did, he would run a mile. That isn't ok in the slightest, but we have no idea he would have actually gone through with it if the OP told him to come over. If that was my husband that behaviour would be a deal breaker though, obviously.

no woman*

I like your style OP - and your intentions were good.

Yanbu. Well done for showing some poor girl what a scumbag she is with. Id want to know if it were me.

She is better off knowing regardless of what some other folk think.

If that was my husband that behaviour would be a deal breaker though, obviously.

Yeah, but you'd never know he was doing it It's easy to deceive when the world covers for you.

MissWing But I think it's a terrible idea to wade in with people you don't know. For your own wellbeing. There are some scary people out there.

And there are also some scary women out there.

I clearly lack the victim mentality. As a 15 year old schoolgirl, on the train to school, "Why the fuck have do you keep rubbing up against me you perv" loud enough for everyone to hear to middle aged businessman who was doing just that.

To sleazy man who tried to talk sex to me when in my first graduate job - I took him aside, and gave him a little talk about sexual harassment in the workplace, what it would mean for him if I reported him, how he would behave from now on and how pissed off our employer would be at the expense of dealing with it. Great working relationship thereafter.

And now there are two recipients of copies of what their flirty, annoying husband and boyfriend sent me last week on FB. Obviously they are prepared to run the risk of that happening. And I'm not wasting time worrying about what bloody folder it appears in their FB. Pretty effective way of solving the problem if you ask me. I bet they won't do it again for a while.

What exactly are the 'other ways of dealing them?

Cos reporting to fb is going to do jack shit. I want ways of dealing with them that might actually do something. I'm serious about this, I'd like alternate solutions.

dealing with them

Why would reporting all these men sending sleazy messages that are possibly looking to cheat stop them from cheating what are they suddenly going to turn into a faithful husband because they fear being caught out I rather be with someone who did not cheat/send sleazy messages to other women because they didn't want to

You cheat because it excites you, your bored, you want sex with someone else not because you can because we all can if we want to

No doubt the internet has allowed making contact easier and unfortunately sexualised messages are accepted as the norm which certainly should not be accepted but this has not caused more men/women to cheat

fb should take more responsibility and deal with harassment more seriously

Seriously you really think the internet causes more people to cheat!

So no one cheated pre the internet.

Sex was invented in what 1999.

Bless you.

How odd not to understand that the internet makes communication easier.

There do seem to be a lot of men out there who mistake FB and any kind of online forum for dating sites.

Since I'm not interested in other men, particularly sleazy ones that hawk their wares around internet sites (mmmn nice shag in a car park anyone? Date at Macdonalds?), can't see how it benefits me in any way to accept such harassment, and it fecking annoys me to hell, hence I think letting their partners know is on balance likely to be more effective than any other action.

I honestly cannot understand the objection to this, unless its something you do yourself (contacting random men with a view to flirting with them on the internet).

In my experience, its getting worse.

Either that, or I'm getting hotter .

Freudian Why would reporting all these men sending sleazy messages that are possibly looking to cheat stop them from cheating what are they suddenly going to turn into a faithful husband because they fear being caught out

I kind of view it as if a dog bites you, you report it to the police. You don't ignore it in the hope it doesn't bite anyone else or in the fear that the owner might get upset or turn nasty. You report it as a public service and as the most effective way of dealing with the problem. The police might not put it to sleep the first time it bites, but on their records and is a known offender. Its not my concern whether the dog learns better behaviour or not as a result, because its not my dog.

Er no I do not contact random strangers and flirt with them and I do not think people can be controlled and trained as dogs can

If a man in a bar made a comment that was sleazy and later you saw him with his partner would you march up to her and tell her what they had said I very much doubt many would and I would hope not she could feel totally humiliated but I and I am sure others would tell him to piss off or pull him up on his unwanted creepy remarks

grumbelina, how does telling his partner change anything either though?

He isn't going to suddenly stop because someone told his partner. If he is an arsehole he will probably continue to be an arsehole. If his partner leaves him he will carry on, if she doesn't he will probably just be a bit more careful in future.

Telling his partner isn't likely to stop this man doing it again. So I can only make sure that I don't have to put up with it again by blocking him, reporting him to fb, and in serious cases the police.

More should be done, but the answer isn't telling a random stranger what her partner is up to. You put yourself in the firing line and change nothing. You have your 'revenge' but it doesn't change anything. He might not message you again but if your goal is to stop him from messaging you then blocking him works perfectly fine.

I am not going down the 'she might slit her wrist' line like another poster has, but you don't know what support network this woman has, what else might be going on in her life, maybe this is the wrong time for her to get a message like this. People assume she will be better off knowing but I won't make that decision on a strangers behalf. I would rather know myself, but I know not everyone will. Unless I can be there for that person after I won't drop that bombshell. I also won't put myself at potential risk in a misguided attempt to save this woman from her partner. Sadly, so many people who aren't ready to really see what their partner is like shoot the messenger. I am not putting myself in the firing line for a stranger who I know nothing about.

And no, never contacted a random man to send him sleazy messages.

Not really my style

And I bet you are totally getting hotter! :)

FFS, the OP is not responsible for this sleazebags behaviour. He is and therefore responsible for the outcomes of his behaviour.

Why shouldn't she make public what he did?

For all the hand wringers and the what if'ers, why are you all worried about what he might do/what the outcome might be to him.

What if the OP had a history of abuse and this triggered her? What if the OP was in an abusive relationship and gave her partner a 'reason' to beat the crap out of her.

The OP as we all should has the right to post on the net/facebook etc without some dick head coming on to her. We as women are not here for mens entertainment and gratification. We are not responsible for his actions and the out come of his actions.

Maybe if more women exposed behaviour like this to the world more men would finally start taking responsibility for their actions and the outcomes.

I wouldn't have done the same I wouldn't have been quick witted enough.

Who said she was responsible for his behaviour or the outcome? She isn't. The only person who said she was is a poster at the start of the thread whose message was deleted.

I just wouldn't want to tell someone without knowing them and being there to offer her support. Just dropping a bombshell and walking away isn't what I would do.

I have been here with a friend before, she wasn't ready to admit to the truth, didn't want to hear it because she wasn't strong enough to change the situation at that point in time I guess. She shot the messenger. People do it all the time, I am not going to put myself in that situation.

Everyone agrees that we are not here for men's entertainment, is is silly to suggest that those of us who do not agree with the op's actions thinks otherwise . I would deal with him, just not through telling his partner. I wouldn't sit back and take it, but neither would I involve myself in a strangers relationship.

*The woman is not responsible for the man's actions. The man is responsible for the man's actions and he should have been told to fuck, the fuck off.

What no one knows is whether telling the partner is helpful to her or hindering him. That's the point, a random message from a stranger without any way of following up or insight into the relationship won't necessarily have the desired effect. Believe it or not, some people like living in ignorance about their partners behaviour. We cannot make them listen or know about it against their will.

No one is blaming the OP. We all do spur of the moment things. she was questioning whether she has done the right thing. Some think yes, some think no. She can take it all on board and come to her own conclusion*

This quote from another poster sums it up nicely.