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Original poster

To screen shot this woman's fiances messages

173 replies

Fanfeckintastic · 19/11/2014 08:46

I'm sick to death of seeing cheating slimeballs every where I go!
In my year and a bit of singledom I really saw it all and got propositioned by so many unlikely apparently loved up husband's and partners I have a whole new view on (most) men!

Anyway, I use a Facebook selling page and a couple of times when I've posted a question or a product for sale I get private messages from a random man trying to make conversation, well yesterday the guy was obviously in a serious relationship and was engaged, pics of his partner as his cover photo, the girls name listed quite clearly in the relationship status etc.
So I just saw red for this poor woman and screen shot his creepy messages and sent them to her Blush stating I wasn't trying to cause trouble but I would want to know if I was in her shoes. She didn't reply and I'm glad but I'm feeling pretty awful to be honest, it seems really juvenile doesn't it? But I'm sick of men getting away with this stuff because nobody speaks up!

OP posts:
WannaBe · 20/11/2014 08:16

nobody said that he should be free to choose to do what he wants.

But you know, the op doesn't even know this bloke. He comes on to her, the sensible thing to do is to say no, then block him. I wouldn't even report - "you have beautiful eyes and only live ten minutes away," is sleezey but it's hardly a crime - it just shows the bloke up as a creep. Fb is full of them, male and female, the block feature is there for a reason.

The op is free to tell him to do one, but otherwise she is not his moral guardian or the protector of some random woman she knows nothing about.

And really, to stalk a stranger's profile more than once is a bit creepy in itself.

FreudiansSlipper · 20/11/2014 08:18

I have had partners that I knew were no good for me, I got out when it was right for me

bigbluestars · 20/11/2014 08:18

It's not our business though is it.

Rats will always exist but we can sharpen our judgements. Leave them to it.
The woman involved may be a rat too, it may be an open relationship.

It's quite arrogant to play the part of relationship crusader.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 20/11/2014 08:36

She probably didn't see them as messages from non friends usually go into "other" folder which people don't check often

PerpendicularVincenzo · 20/11/2014 08:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 20/11/2014 08:38

I see people have already said that. I don't see you did much wrong. It's his fault for being a cheating sleaze not yours.

ilovesooty · 20/11/2014 09:10

I agree with the posters who think you are over involved in other people's business. Never mind - it seems you've got plenty of validation from other people on here who have no qualms about you stalking this woman's profile and interfering. I think relationship crusader is pretty much close to the mark. You don't know these people or their relationship.

outtahell · 20/11/2014 09:29

I would rat them out - if you're chatting up other women with a profile linking to your Mrs' FB then you're an idiot asking to be ratted out. I had an old childhood friend trying it on and when I put something like "your profile says you're engaged?" he hid his relationship status before replying that he wasn't - smooth. Hmm

CocktailQueen · 20/11/2014 09:33

Dear lord, chattymummy, the use - or lack - of grammar, spelling and punctuation is quite enough to report those posters, never mind the sleazy content.

Do these men really think that such messages will be attractive? That they will have women gagging to take their clothes off? I don't think so. Yeuch.

Now that is depressing.

KnackeredMuchly · 20/11/2014 09:37

Yanbu op - I would want to know

SaucyJack · 20/11/2014 09:40

I don't know if everyone has an "other" folder.

I FB on my iPhone, and I've had a couple of messages come straight through on the messenger app from people I'm not connected with.

And sadly, yes, they were sleazy messages from strange men.

FreeWee · 20/11/2014 09:45

I'd want to know so yes after some careful thought I would have done the same thing OP. Especially if it was totally unsolicited (which given you were asking a totally innocuous question about dance classes it sounds as though there's no room for 'she led me on') then I'd know my partner was actively looking to connect with other women. If it was harder to get away with maybe fewer would do it? Although it shouldn't be the fear of getting caught which stops you, it should be the fact it's totally wrong to betray your partner.

Thumbwitch · 20/11/2014 09:48

It depends on your privacy settings, Saucyjack. I only receive messages from my friends, or people I message first; friends of friends can message me and their messages will go to "Other", as will messages from pages I have liked; but people who are not friends of friends cannot message me at all.

NickiFury · 20/11/2014 09:56

I think you did the right thing OP. I'm single and a few of the married men on my FB seem to think I must be gagging for it. They message me telling me I am pretty and look no different from in my twenties blah blah blah then gradually the tone changes until they are sending really suggestive messages. They're told where to go but I have had one or two get really quite aggressive and unpleasant.

I think it happens a lot more than people on here realise.

butterbeerfloat · 20/11/2014 10:08

As someone who found out long after affairs were had that they had been going on I would DEFINITELY have been thanking you if I were the fiance! IMO You absolutely did the right thing.

sparechange · 20/11/2014 10:12

OP, your actions are admirable, but I suspect the message hasn't been read because if a non-friend sends you a message on facebook, it goes into the 'other' or spam folder.
You can only access it via the desktop page and not the app, plus a lot of people don't know it is there, so it might go unread for a while.

Original poster
Fanfeckintastic · 20/11/2014 10:37

I think the real dramatic people here are the ones suggesting I'm stalking this ladies page?? Where on earth are you getting that from? When he originally messaged me I looked on his page to see if I knew him, if we had mutual friends. Plastered all over his public page was proof he was engaged and I sent her the message as her name was on a clickable link on his relationship status!

When I went to see had it been read I didn't even go onto her page just into my own messages where I saw her profile picture had been changed!

Between comments that she may have killed herself and that I'm an over involved stalker, I definitely think the stars of the dramatic society are on this thread!

Fair enough, not everybody would have done it. That's why I asked as it didn't feel entirely right but doing nothing would have felt worse. Some of the comments here are a little uncalled for, I certainly didn't do it to create drama or to revel in someone's misery I'm just sick to my stomach of this kind of unsolicited shite from men who are blatantly unavailable. I would definitely want to know, I can't really understand why you wouldn't as if you don't care or want to bury your head in the sand then you can still do that. You could just right me off as an over involved, drama creating mad woman and continue on your relationship.

OP posts:
GarlicNovember · 20/11/2014 11:11

As an aside, I look forward to the day WannaBe posts something positive on MN. I'm a hopeless optimist.

plantsitter · 20/11/2014 11:16

You were probably right to do it, but I wouldn't expect any Thanks any time soon. Either the woman is busypicking up the smithereens of her life or the bloke has convinced her it's your fault, you're mad, or you've cunningly made it all up.

BreakingDad77 · 20/11/2014 11:21

You did the right thing - some of the posters effectively silent consent on that man's behavior makes my eyes roll.

WannaBe · 20/11/2014 12:19

garlic clearly you haven't been here very long then eh. Hmm what is your problem exactly?
Hmm

NeedABumChangeNotANameChange · 20/11/2014 12:22

I think you did the right thing. So many women seem to like the idea of hiding cheating men and I don't understand why.

TheChandler · 20/11/2014 12:55

Yeah, I've had two this week from random flirty men sending me pms after I've commented on a mutual friends' FB status. One of them is clearly married (photos of wife and kids, married status) and I bet the other is too. Its rampant and I hate it. If more people did as you did OP, the arses wouldn't annoy us by pming so much. "I miss you, I'm lonely, can we chat?" Noooooooooo!

Some women must actually reply to them though, which makes it all the more sad. Maybe the sort of women who disagree with your actions on this thread?

FreudiansSlipper · 20/11/2014 14:05

Yes I disagree with what the op did

Not I would not reply to such messages I would ignore them or report them

No I do not feel I am enabling men to cheat (which he did not but yes i do believe he probably would have or has given the chance he seems to be wanting to)

It is not about hiding men (and women) cheating ways it's about not assuming I know what she would want to know or does already know

In your first post you were angered about all these awful men you came across when single deal with that do not let that drive your actions to save women when you have no way of supporting them

Droflove · 20/11/2014 14:18

ive always thought that if more people spoke out about knowledge they have about someone's cheating (instead of saying its not my business) the world would be a lot less shady and less people would both do it and think its something okay enough not to speak out about. whether you know a person or not, i think its fair to speak out about the horrible thing you have knowledge of.