Aibu to tell my sister to suck it up

[Vodkajellies]

I've booked a trip to Disneyland for dcs birthday originally it was just going to be myself and dcs my sil asked if she could come so we booked everything and it was all paid up and my dsis asked if she could come but as the room was full she had to pay a reduced price for an extra room all was fine until exdp said he'd really love to join us after the last few months it would be a turning point
for us,I've given him the price of adding himself on and told my dsis about she is now refusing to go as she doesn't like exdp (neither do I but its besides the point) anyway she said he can buy her tickets which are almost twice as much as what I've told him he has to pay and I know if I tell him it's more it will cause an argument and he will probably end up not coming.
So would I bu to tell dsis it's tough I've given ex the price he has given me the money or tell ex he has to pay to more? U know their his dcs and he's a shit but he's not rolling in it.

It's like headbutting a brick wall. The OP clearly doesn't understand that neither her ex nor her sister have cocked up here...She has.

I'm not missing the point or deliberately trying rile anyone up nor am I trying to exclude my sister or make her look bad.

So, what are you going to do?

(I really am going to bed in a minute)

Yes bastard their still happily loved up and what that has to do with this I don't know .

They are.
Not their.

Iswym bastard still madly in love with him only 2 months ago... OP - grow up and stop using your children as an excuse to have him come on holiday. Just stop it - you're being a horrible parent and very poor role model. Admit you've messed up, let xp down, allow sis to cancel and give the kids the holiday they deserve. Stop thinking about yourself and have some bloody self respect!

The ridiculous part started when XP asked to come and you said yes.

Any normal, rational person would have said no.

Because he's a cheating arse you neither like nor are able to get on with. Yes, he's your DCs' father, but so what? If he wants a holiday to Disney with his kids then be can organise one himself.

And I actually think the chances of the children enjoying themselves with born you and he on the holiday are vanishingly small because no matter how saint-like you try to be it will be too much in a high-stress, exhausting situation.

Just tell him you've changed your mind, cancel his tickets, refund him his money (you should pay any cancellation fee - it was your stupidity to say yes to him in the first place), and go back to the plan of going with DSis and SIL.

Sorry for my grammar and spelling mistakes.

Yes two months ago I did still love him today I still love him but I don't like him or some of the things he does it is possible you don't just stop loving someone.

I have no reason to use my dcs as an excuse to get ex to come on holiday and who are you to judge me on wether I am a horrible parent or have no self respect I have plenty thank you.
You don't know me or how I look after my children or what I do for them I came on here to ask if I was bu and by your standards yes I am that's fine and fair enough I asked and got my answer I am trying to do what I think is right and best for my dcs not two squabbling adults if my sister wanted to go on this holiday again on her own she could afford to do so my ex not so much but yes he can go and do what he likes aswell and I will not let either of them ruin it.

You have to choose.

Either give your Sister or your Ex their money back.

Problem solved.

Okaaay...

vodka I think you should stick to your original arrangements.

If you still have feelings for DH dont explore them, lets say, by re-arranging this holiday. You dont get to 'play' at being a family. I mean this kindly but things wont just slot back to how they were before he hurt you in this way. I have been through a similar situation - just wait and see but this is not the thing to be doing.

Trust me I am not trying to get back with him at all I know within myself that it would be a bad idea we have been separated for almost two years and in that time I have met someone it's not serious but I'm happy where my life is at right now.
I honestly just want this for my dcs.

So give your sister her money back.

I wouldn't go on holiday with a scumbag who cheated on my sister.

Even if she was silly enough to want to.

Just lost a long post! Vodka I think you made the mistake of making decisions without really thinking it through. You allowed your sister on the holiday without consulting SIL and then did the same with your ex.

I think you just wanted to keep everyone happy.

I think you are being unreasonable using the language of Suck it up for sis! But I think you got yourself in this pickle by not being more firm and decisive about what you wanted.

No idea what you should do.

But at the very least....

I think be prepared for things not to be easy with ex if you do go away with him.

Make sure your sis is not out of pocket.

Build bridges with your sis, don't bring in things from the past or use the language of 'suck it up'. Hopefully she will understand. The fact you were both willing to go on holiday together does suggest you have a closeness there, so hopefully you can work it out.

And I will agree with you about one thing, a trip overseas to Disney World is a holiday of a lifetime! I don't have much money at the moment so overseas travel does seem like a luxury. Next time something big like this comes up be decisive, and make sure you do enjoy this trip, don't let all this spoil it for you, that would be in nobody's best interest.

Bon Voyage.

well if you have moved on then stay moved on and dont complicate things with holidays your DD effectively have two sets of parents now.

you do this with them then, let your ex find his own way.

For me it wouldn't be about him having cheated on my sister, it's the idea of spending my holiday in an atmosphere of negatively (ex and the woman he cheated on)... talk about awkward! It's only RECENTLY started to be good, so I wouldn't risk that.

Did you think perhaps this is a holiday of a lifetime for her too? You girls and the kids having fun and relaxing... then add a guy who's the cheater ex, the brother, and the father of the kids and you'd feel very pushed out. You'd just "play nice" (which you already are) and it would make her uncomfortable.

Withdraw your offer to your children's father, admit that you didn't think about it and how you think it would be best to do smaller, shorter holidays first and work on your relationship and up to a family holiday.

Interesting how you're only getting along well now you've got this "trip of a lifetime" coming up isn't it...

But OP, from what I can see, if you don't want your ex to buy your sister's ticket, because of the cost of the name change, are you going to pay your sister back out of your own pocket? Or how are you going to pay her back?

It all sounds a bit costly to me.

I think it was a nice idea OP but I don't think it will work out. If I were you I'd tell Exp and Dsis your going to have the holiday you originally planned, just you and your kids.

Seems like a lot of hassle really doesn't it? I'd just stick to your original plans

Everyone going on about OP's sister, she was never in the original plan! She invited herself along

Yanbu op , I can't understand why everyone is missing the point that her dc are more important than her dsis. The op is trying to put her children first not her ex.

What a mess. Uninvite them both and in the future don't let people invite themselves along to your holiday that you're presumably taking to get away from every day drama and frustration.

But going on holiday with the children and her ex is going to give out very confusing and mixed messages to the children, particularly when mum and dad haven't been getting on alone.

Op, you are separated, your exDP shouldn't get the right to come on holiday with you and play happy families. You should go without him and start building up new happy memories as the smaller family unit you are.

I was that child, with my parents trying to play happy families, events and holidays were always really stressful for us siblings.

You seem to also be worried about telling your exDP it's costing more because it will cause arguments. Doesn't that show you exactly who he is?

Enjoy your holiday OP, you deserve it. But it shouldn't be at the cost of your relationship with your sister, she isn't the one in the wrong here. You are going to need to do something which will upset exDP - either tell exDP he needs to pay more, or tell him he can no longer come. Are you scared of his reaction? Is this why you are blaming your sister instead?

As it seems u for either your ex or sis to pay the extra for the name change if she doesn't come can you cover this cost?

Impressive point dodging. Basically op yabu. Virtually the whole thread is saying yabu but you refuse to get it. Yes the whole situation is ridiculous because of you not your sister who is behaving like a normal human being.

I'm sure you're right she doesn't mind sharing with you and DCs for less money but for the same money it wouldn't be fair. Go back too ex and say you made a mistake agreeing without asking your DSis. Say you need to stick to just the 3 adults who were already going not least because it will cost more to make changes and you're sorry for saying it might be a possibility.

Put yourself in your sister's shoes OP.

I wouldn't want to go with your dp either if I were your sister.

Your sister should not have to "suck it up", but you do! Sort out the mess you have made and stop blaming your sister for something she hasn't done.