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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to tell my sister to suck it up

258 replies

Vodkajellies · 17/11/2014 20:49

I've booked a trip to Disneyland for dcs birthday originally it was just going to be myself and dcs my sil asked if she could come so we booked everything and it was all paid up and my dsis asked if she could come but as the room was full she had to pay a reduced price for an extra room all was fine until exdp said he'd really love to join us after the last few months it would be a turning point
for us,I've given him the price of adding himself on and told my dsis about she is now refusing to go as she doesn't like exdp (neither do I but its besides the point) anyway she said he can buy her tickets which are almost twice as much as what I've told him he has to pay and I know if I tell him it's more it will cause an argument and he will probably end up not coming.
So would I bu to tell dsis it's tough I've given ex the price he has given me the money or tell ex he has to pay to more? U know their his dcs and he's a shit but he's not rolling in it.

OP posts:
olympicsrock · 17/11/2014 21:15

You are being completely unreasonable. As you have chosen to change plans you should offer ds is her money back. Up to you if you or exp pays.

BastardGoDarkly · 17/11/2014 21:18

I would cancel too in your sisters position.

And if you told me to 'suck it up' I'd tell you to piss off.

BumWad · 17/11/2014 21:18

YABU no wonder your sister is pissed

Original poster
Vodkajellies · 17/11/2014 21:18

No we are definitely not getting back together and I have been coping and taking dcs on holiday on my own since they were three months old, by turning point I mean after the last few months we haven't spoken and are slowly trying to get in for our dcs sake.

Neither him nor my sister have ever had a problem with each other he has never been rude to her or she to him so I don't really get the issue.

OP posts:
SusanIvanova · 17/11/2014 21:18

Why should she check her plans with someone who invited themselves along anyway? YANBU OP. He is your DC father and it would be nice for them to be together.

hamptoncourt · 17/11/2014 21:21

YADBU

Sorry OP but this smacks of you wanting XP in the hopes of a Disney love inspired reconciliation.

I expect DSIS has heard enough of what a cheating piece of scum he is to want to witness this first hand and I don't blame her.

You agreed for DSIS to come and then said someone else could come without consulting her.

To be honest you should tell XP he cannot come, it was more complicated than you thought to change the booking.

Is XP price a lot cheaper because he will be sharing a room with you whereas DSIS was in a separate room?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 17/11/2014 21:21

He might have invited himself but the OP can say no, she is allowed to do that.

scarletforya · 17/11/2014 21:22

Yabvu

Icimoi · 17/11/2014 21:22

I don't see why your ex has to come just because he's asked. Presumably he'll have plenty more opportunities to see your dc and celebrate birthdays?

Pooka · 17/11/2014 21:23

Regardless of whether they get on or not, by saying he can come you've altered the dynamic - before was you, dsis and sil plus dcs.

I like my sister's husband. A holiday with my sister and her dcs would be totally different to the same destination with her dh there too.

YABU.

psychomum5 · 17/11/2014 21:25

You sister deserves all the money back that she paid, end of.

YOU are the one who needs to 'suck it up'.

madwomanbackintheattic · 17/11/2014 21:25

Where is he going to sleep?

How come it is so much cheaper to add himself on that it was for your sis?

Is your SIL giving you pressure to bring him?

Why do you want him there's? He can arrange his own celebration for his son, why does he suddenly want to hop on your celebration? Particularly if he's been a shit bag recently. Because it will save him the effort?

Original poster
Vodkajellies · 17/11/2014 21:26

Your right he cheated on me not her and he's been an absolute twat in the time after I'm not denying that in anyway shape or form.

I didn't invite neither of them it was my holiday that I planned for my dcs they and my sil invited themselves of course I was not going to say no to any of them as they are all mine and dcs family what is so wrong with that?

OP posts:
Madamecastafiore · 17/11/2014 21:27

I'd refuse to go on holiday with some utter bastard who screwed around on my sister.

Your kids need to understand you aren't together, this is not going to help.

whois · 17/11/2014 21:29

Omg how do you even have to ask?!?

You're being totally U by changing the holiday that SIL agreed to.

Ex either buys her out, or doesn't come.

motherofmonster · 17/11/2014 21:30

Yabu, and a bit unrealistic. You have said that for the past few months you have barely spoken and are trying to get on for the kids sake.
To go from that, to being in constant company with each other (and by the way Disney is one of the most exhausting holidays you could have picked) where you will be faced with crowds, queues and possibly stress from traveling ect. To then add in trying to make peace with a exp and put a happy smiling front on it for the sake of the kids is asking for trouble

BastardGoDarkly · 17/11/2014 21:30

After agreeing to your sister coming, and she'd paid, you had an agreement.

Original poster
Vodkajellies · 17/11/2014 21:31

My dcs know we're not together we haven't been for a long time there will be no reconciliation whatsoever I'm not hoping for it and neither is he.
I would be sharing a room with my dcs and dsis and he would be in with sil and DN.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 17/11/2014 21:32

You're not getting on (understandably) so you think the pressure cooker situation of a holiday is a good thing?

My money is on him initiating sex and you going along with it. I bet ten dollars and some Mickey Mouse ears.

Original poster
Vodkajellies · 17/11/2014 21:42

Why is everyone going on about sex and getting back together??Confused

OP posts:
BigfootFilesHisToesInYourTea · 17/11/2014 21:43

Unusual to see 100% agreement of "YABU" on AIBU.

Think on, OP.

madwomanbackintheattic · 17/11/2014 21:44

I got Noro at Disney. So did ds1 and my youngest nephew.

It's all hearts and flowers at Disney until the actual people arrive. Holiday of a lifetime, so everyone tags along, even though they all hate each other. Put a nice big smile on for the cameras and then argue incessantly.

I can't think of anything worse than Disney with an ex who shagged around on me, trying to play happy families.

I wouldn't put that pressure on myself if you paid me. Tell him to sort something else out at a later point. Or is he one of those types who doesn't take his children on holiday?

BigfootFilesHisToesInYourTea · 17/11/2014 21:46

Nope, just re-read the thread and I can still only see one person mention sex.

One person asked if you were hoping for a Disney-like reunion/getting back together.

One person raised the point it could be mixed-messages for your kids about whether you are getting back together again.

Even leaving those responses aside, 34 other posts still say YABU.

madwomanbackintheattic · 17/11/2014 21:47

We are quite rightly questioning his motivation, vodka.

And given his propensity for getting swayed by the offer of a shag in the past, it's not that much of a leap is it? And from not getting on so well, to inviting him on holiday, he probably thinks there's a reasonable chance.

Being invited back into the fold, etc. all one big happy family. Fireworks.

You may not have actually technically invited him, but you agreed, and it's possible that SIL sees some reconciliation work?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 17/11/2014 21:49

Tbh, I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than spend disney with my cheating ex, oh we get on quite well, but we are very different people now.