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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to tell my sister to suck it up

258 replies

Vodkajellies · 17/11/2014 20:49

I've booked a trip to Disneyland for dcs birthday originally it was just going to be myself and dcs my sil asked if she could come so we booked everything and it was all paid up and my dsis asked if she could come but as the room was full she had to pay a reduced price for an extra room all was fine until exdp said he'd really love to join us after the last few months it would be a turning point
for us,I've given him the price of adding himself on and told my dsis about she is now refusing to go as she doesn't like exdp (neither do I but its besides the point) anyway she said he can buy her tickets which are almost twice as much as what I've told him he has to pay and I know if I tell him it's more it will cause an argument and he will probably end up not coming.
So would I bu to tell dsis it's tough I've given ex the price he has given me the money or tell ex he has to pay to more? U know their his dcs and he's a shit but he's not rolling in it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vodkajellies · 17/11/2014 21:50

I've said up thread of course my sister is entitled to a full refund and I not taking exdp side over hers but this is what she's like if she doesn't get her own way.

What is so wrong for their dad to wanting to come?

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 17/11/2014 21:50

Why on earth would you want him there over your sister?

Shlurpbop · 17/11/2014 21:50

Another YABU here.

You need to show a bit more solidarity to your sister. She is actually your family, not the bloke who cheated on you. He sounds mean...although so do you at the moment as well. If she doesn't want to now go on the changed holiday you should give her all her money back. If your ex is so wanting to go for the sake of your son the he won't mind paying extra.

motherofmonster · 17/11/2014 21:51

I think people are assuming that you want to get back with exp because you are putting his wants and demands over that over your sisters. And instead of the relaxing and magical holiday for your dcs you are possibly going to have a horrible atmosphere. I think most of us are having trouble working out what you are gaining giving into exp

Jolleigh · 17/11/2014 21:54

You arranged a holiday. Sis asked if she can come. You said yes and she booked. Ex asked if he can come. You said yes without checking the other adult was happy having a holiday with your ex. She isn't but is willing to come off the holiday albeit begrudgingly providing she doesn't incur costs from a holiday she's now not going on. Ex can buy her ticket. Why is your sis being unreasonable in your mind? I wouldn't expect my sibling to be happy with me saying my ex was now coming on holiday with us. Why does your ex not pay the standard price like your sis did?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 17/11/2014 21:55

I've said up thread of course my sister is entitled to a full refund and I not taking exdp side over hers but this is what she's like if she doesn't get her own way.

Gets like in what way, because she doesnt want to spend what should be a great holiday with a guy who cheated on you, you might be in the process of forgiving, but it doesnt mean she has to.

pictish · 17/11/2014 21:55

Another yabu. Your sis paid for holiday x, but you tunred it into holiday y without asking her. She doesn't want to go on holiday y, so she has pulled out and that's ok.

ghostspirit · 17/11/2014 21:56

YABU you made arrangements with your sister. not nice at all. and all for someone you don't like.

MissBlennerhasset · 17/11/2014 21:57

If this was a holiday with a friend, and another friend asked if they could come, would you not check with the original friend before saying yes? Of course you would. How is this scenario different?

ghostspirit · 17/11/2014 21:59

is it about your sister getting her own way or you getting your own way?

WalkingInMemphis · 17/11/2014 21:59

I'm of a different opinion, I think yanbu and that you should tell your dsis that ex won't be buying her tickets because of the cost of changing name etc.

IF you had planned and booked this holiday with your sis as equal 'planners' in it, then changed the dynamic, she'd be well within her rights to be pissed at you inviting someone else on your collectively planned holiday.

BUT that's not the case. YOU have arranged this holiday, and then been subjected to a series of hangers-on who want to join you. Fine (if you're happy with that) - but don't forget that this is a holiday that you arranged, for YOUR dc, for their birthday.

I'm putting myself in your shoes. I plan a holiday. My SIL asks to come, I agree. My sister asks to come, and I agree. Then ex dh asks to come, for OUR dc, which I think is a good idea and that my dc will enjoy (and the reason we split is so NOT relevant here, when regarding things to do with the dc). Then my sis goes mental and insists that ex buys her tickets, at the increased cost of transferring them, because she doesn't like him. I think i'd be telling sis to go fuck herself tbh.

Original poster
Vodkajellies · 17/11/2014 22:02

Ex would be paying the same price as dsis did but with extra costs of changing over tickets as we're going very soon it's almost twice the amount of what he's already given me to book his place.

OP posts:
Jolleigh · 17/11/2014 22:03

One sec, is SIL his sister and DN his nephew, hence why his ticket is cheaper because he's staying in a room with them? But your Dsis says she'll now not go because he's there, wants him to buy her ticket instead of sharing, effectively paying more, so that she doesn't have to swallow the loss of her deposit?

ThePinkOcelot · 17/11/2014 22:04

Another AIBU thread, no I'm not, blah blah. Yawn!!

WooWooOwl · 17/11/2014 22:04

I don't understand the big deal posters are making about you going to Disney with your ex. I've done it, it was all very civilised.

You can tell your sister she's going to have to suck it up if you want to, but she will still be free to choose whatever she does after that. You didn't treat her very well here. You may be pissed off at the way she's gone about things, but she can throw the very same and more back at you from the sounds of it.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 17/11/2014 22:07

Jolleigh, it wouldnt be a cheaper price, same price with extra fee for changing on top, he'd have his own room, as SIL is staying in OP's room with all the dc.

motherofmonster · 17/11/2014 22:08

Possibly because the op started off by saying it is a difficult relationship and they have barely spoken for months?
anyway, this isn't about the sister, she wont loosen out any money if you refund her (which you should as you have changed the plans) it is more that your exp is not willing to accept paying the extra even though he expects the plans to change to include him

Original poster
Vodkajellies · 17/11/2014 22:09

I've said this is not about me and it's not about anyone else other than my dcs.
my sister asked if she could come after myself and sil had booked it I didn't ask sil if it was ok if my dsis came along And they barely know each other.
I think it's childish

OP posts:
wanttosqueezeyou · 17/11/2014 22:10

I thought sis was staying in the room with the OP and dc...

Jolleigh · 17/11/2014 22:12

Ta! I was a bit muddled there for a mo. OP, by 'suck it up' are you expecting her to swallow the cost of changing the ticket name (a high cost from what you've just said) or to come along on the holiday despite not wanting to spend time with your ex?

Three women on holiday with their respective children gives a completely different dynamic to 3 women and a man with their children.

wanttosqueezeyou · 17/11/2014 22:12

You've invited a guy on holiday that neither of you like.

I do realise why you've done that (although I wouldn't) but I don't think its childish that she no longer wants to spend her holiday with your cheating ex.

YABU

WooWooOwl · 17/11/2014 22:12

Would it really not have bothered you at all if your sil had invited someone you barely know to share your holiday with you?

Jolleigh · 17/11/2014 22:13

Or should I say, this particular man.

motherofmonster · 17/11/2014 22:16

Ok then op. Do you think that your dcs will enjoy it more or less having there dad there bearing in mind the current circumstances? Will it add to the magical atmosphere or detract from it?
Are you honestly in a position where you can say that you are getting on well enough to go from practically 0 contact, to near on full time contact without creating problems which your kids will pick up on

okeydonkey · 17/11/2014 22:17

I hate my dsis's exp, if that happened to me i would back out and expect refund,I would not go on holiday with him.
It's also awkward for all concerned

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