To leave ds to scream in his cot tonight...

[listsandbudgets]

because I can't manage to deal with him tonight.

He's 2+4. EVERY NIGHT of his life he's screamed endlessly at bedtime. We tried going to him, lying down with him in the dark, cosleeping singing to him, letting him come downstairs, cuddling him, ignoring him, sitting holding his hand, seen GP and had various cchecks carried out to make sure he's not in some kind of pain...

but still he screams endlessly "MAMA,MAMA, MAMA, MAMA, MAMA...

Over and over again.

We finally get him off to sleep about an hour - two hours after putting him to bed (I say we its normally me as dp works away Monday to Thursday and someetimes longer).

He then wakes at 3am and it all happens again until about 4.30-5am.

Its affecting my mental health. I keep losing my temper, keep bursting into tears for no reason, I can't function properly at work and I'm facing a disciplinary for mistakes, I feel like everyone hates me and I wouldn't blame them

I've not had a full nights sleep since 3 months before he was born.

I can 't do it any more. I just can't do it....

AIBU to sleep in teh spare room with a pillow over my head and let him scream?

You'll all flame me I know you'll flame me and I deserve it.

He's still screaming I put him to bed at 8pm and I've already been in and given him 2 X10 minute cuddles

Just popped in to say good luck. You know your child and it sounds like you've taken the advice y think will work for you and gone with it.

Now if your DS is as sensible as you you'll be sleeping all night in no time!

With ds who's the same age of ask him what's wrong. Fix it if I can. Reiterate it's night time, point to the gro clock, cuddle love you sleep. Unless he's ill or dirty he does not get up until morning.

You're in a bed time routine but essentially need a new one. Completely mix it up.

New pjs and three books to read at each sleep time. Blackout blinds.

Be very consistent and repeat at night waking. Fix anything you need to and leave him to it

Hi OP - read this thread earlier today and came back to see how you were getting on tonight. We have 3 dc - 2 were good sleepers but our middle dd was a nightmare - didn't sleep through until she was 3 and would take 2-3 hours to get off to sleep (my strategy was a combination of popping in every 10 mins or so and pottering about upstairs so she knew I was nearby). I'm glad she was our second otherwise I think we would have thought we were doing something wrong. She stopped wanting naps during the day at about 12 months. As she got older we started to realise that she just doesn't need as much sleep as our other 2 - she's 15 now and often goes to sleep later than we do. The other thing I find surprising is that after all the screaming and tantrums as a toddler she is such a polite and lovely teenager! I hope tonight goes OK - hang on in there - suddenly you'll find the nights get better and believe it or not you'll find it hard to remember how tired you are just now.

Absolutely. Stay strong and it will get better. I've been there too

As the wisdom of MN says, 'this too shall pass'. I'm actually considering having this tattooed on me somewhere.

Hang on in there lists, everything will pan out OK

oh dear it is really hard to do the controlled crying thing. difficult to hear them howl. hoping that it works quickly as it is such a difficult schedule he is on.

Keep going. The will of mn is behind you. (Holds ops hand) x

Just started going upstairs for 9.26 visit. He's quiet. Actually what I mean is he's not screaming. I can hear him talking to his teddy and it sounds like teddy is getting big sloppy kisses. I didn't go in.

Still can't hear anything please let this mean he's considering sleep

Yep don't go in, you're doing great. He will eventually quiet right down and fall asleep. Keeping going x

Well done, keep it up and keep us informed you CAN do it!!

We have had to do it in the past as our dd used to do this. In fact DH muppet still leaps out of bed when she calls him every bloody night and she is six . She doesn't do it when he's not here though because I won't getup!!

Keep going, it does work!!

OP how are you getting on? remember that now you have started down this path you MUST stick to it, tonight and tomorrow and after that (barring illness). Screw up your resolve!

Cross post. It sounds as though he's picked up on your calm.

Hurrah! Well done. X

Oh fingers crossed for ypu OP.

Keep posting if it keeps you focussed/distracted. Whatever helps!

Lucky tesdy getting sloppy kisses!

Op stick with it. Be strong. Xxxx

Fingers crossed for you OP you're doing brilliantly.

Still can't hear him. I am worried he may get cold as i suspect he's gone to sleep on top of the duvet. how long do you think before its safe to pop a blanket over him? I'm inclined to give it another 20 minutes or so. Don't want to wake him

Keep going lists, I know it's hard and heartbreaking to hear him crying but it is the best for both of you. A life without sleep is torture.

I probably wouldn't leave it 20 minutes between visits. I have done a lot of sleep training, various methods and if you are doing controlled crying, a extra minute will feel like a life time to your son. I have always done 1 minute x2, 2 minutes x 2 etc up to 5 minutes. But start counting when he starts screaming, if he stops for 15 seconds or more (usually to listen to see if you are coming!) the 5 minutes starts when he starts crying.

Giving him a kiss occasionally is fine, also saying "sshh" or "it's ok" is fine occasionally. But do not get in a conversation with him.

He is old enough to understand now, so at tea time/story time tell him why you all need sleep, that you love him and you will always be there for him and you will always come when he needs you but bedtime is for sleeping and give him something to look forward to - in the morning WHEN you have been a good boy you can have your favourite cereal/tv after breakfast/your phone on the journey to nursery/whatever he asks for all the time but you only allow on special occasions. Also tell him that he can choose a new magazine/small toy/book etc at the weekend if he can help you by not crying at bedtime.

My 14 month old charge sometimes doesn't want his lunch time nap, I promise him something fun when he wakes up, today's was going to the park with torches in the dark! He slept for 2.5 hours! Tomorrows is stickers which always works well too. Bribery really does work wonders and it doesn't have to be sweets and chocolates, it generally has to be your time and attention.

Good luck and I'm thinking of you. Been there so many times, it's heartbreak ng and they are not even my children!

Keep going OP. Very rarely post but really feel for you, you sound so exhausted. Thought I'd offer another hand to hold! He's managed to calm himself a couple of times. This is a seriously good step forward. Stay positive.

If he's cold he will wake up or crawl under the duvet himself. Don't go in whatever you do. This may be his next idea to trick you into coming in. To Go quiet

Check on a couple of hours when u go to bed if you must

Good luck OP. Also, I'd try cutting out that midday nap. 2 hours is way too much for some 2 year olds. I know my DS stopped having a day time nap at around 2. Also, if he does sleep, make sure he doesn't nap after 3pm. That was my cut off point for naps and still is.

anothermakesthree the lamp posts don't bend but perfectly even floors suddenly appear to have steps or pits in them. I keep tripping over things that aren't there IYSWIM. Its horrible.

Wow - let's hope he is asleep and stays that way,

Blimey Giles I hadn't thought of that - just shows how low level my brain power is at the moment

Wait until you go to bed before you check him or maybe leave heating on just tonight on low so you don't disturb.

Keep going, it's hard. You are doing fab. And he will be FINE, honest. DS had time out in his bedroom more than he was downstairs at one point, he's 15 and ace!!