To ask visitors to take their shoes off before coming into my home?

[moomin35]

Including my MIL who clearly didn't appreciate being asked!

I don't need or want an explanation. It's a polite request not an order at gun point.
I'd accept a no and not ask any questions.

I'd base judgement of a person on how they were for the duration of their stair which if they were nice and pleasant etc then it would have no bearing on what I thought of them.

If they were jumped up shallow cocky arses though the refusal would be the least of my problem with them. But that would be their own doing.

ginny - I asked way upthread about pets but got no response . The whole thing is academic if you have cats.

I haven't RTFT but there have been many and it's usually about 50/50.

FWIW everyone I know asks or automatically takes off their shoes when they enter a house. It's just good manners imo.

Is it possibly a class or regional thing? I'm from a northern working class area. No idea if that is relevant but I really don't know anyone that would just walk into someone's home with shoes on.

However I would never ask someone to take them off. It's just seems to be a mutually ingrained habit.

mini- maybe some forethought is required when you go out visiting?
If I am going to anyone's home I ensure my socks , tights or pop socks or whatever are clean and hole-free, bearing in mind I will offer at least to remove my footwear. Even if the hosts protest that I needn't I always will- unless they are living in a mud-splattered farm house then I'll re-think. I usually always remove them as I hope it's setting an example of what I'd prefer them to do in my home.

Even if you feel uncomfortable in your stocking feet do you not think that is preferable and good manners compared to the risk or possibility or soiling a carpet through wearing grubby shoes? Even dark rubber soles can mark a pale carpet if the wearer is a foot shuffler.

I doubt very much if your feet would get that cold in a modern house and if they do then be proactive and wear warm socks or tights!

I'd hope visitors would have the manners to offer to remove footwear.

What do you all think of the shoe on bridage? when you come to our houses, do you feel dirty, think we are dirty?

Sorry Giles I still think it is impolite to put visitors on the spot like that.

Southern I don't know about whether it is a regional thing, we originate from the North East and shoes off was never a thing up there.

It might be a class thing. I'm probably working class. I think ?

My parents certainly were.

I think it's impolite not to consider someone's property.

Would you borrow a dress then return it stained and unwashed??

'I'd hope visitors would have the manners to offer to remove footwear'

It's all relative to what you're used to as I'd hope my visitors would have the manners to keep their shoes on.

To answer a few questions - I don't have dogs or cats.

If someone had a medical condition ( now that you mention it one friend does wear support type shoes which she wipes really really well. She's normally a shoes off in house person too) I wouldn't mind them keeping the shoes on.

Trades people. Well the last one was arranged by the landlord and left mud all over the (stupidly put down by said landlord) cream hall carpet. Some if which I wasn't able to fully get out. So from now on yes they have to take shoes off too.

If my shoes are grubby I will remove them, of course. I'm talking about being asked to remove my shoes regardless of whether they are grubby or clean which is what shoes off households insist on.

My feet get cold pretty much everywhere without shoes. Perhaps not in a modern house with underfloor heating, but most houses I visit are Victorian not modern. Am I supposed to carry slippers or woolly socks with me?

My socks are clean when I put them on in the morning but by afternoon they are unfortunately sweaty and smelly. I have sweaty feet, I wish I could change that but I can't. Am I supposed to stop somewhere on the street before I arrive, to change into a clean pair of socks?

I will offer to remove footwear if it looks like they are a shoes off house. But I won't like it, and I do think it's a bit precious.

No Giles I wouldn't borrow a dress and return it stained, but I don't see how that is at all relevant to making someone like irishe feel awkward, embarrassed and uncomfortable by asking her to remove her shoes.

As regards good manners: I think it's good manners for a host to try to make their guest feel as comfortable as possible. Which includes not asking or expecting them to remove their shoes, unless they want to.

I don't know if it's a class/regional thing, not consistently. My family is working-class and northern and was always shoes off. I think some of my family members still are.

On the cold feet issue, if I'm wearing tights or have bare feet and I know I'm going to someone's house, I will take socks with me as my feet get a bit cold and also I don't know if everyone would want to see my bare feet. I usually take my shoes off if I'm given the option (but would keep them on if I knew my host preferred that) and prefer to be in socks than bare feet or slidy tights.

But I don't understand why it would make them feel bad polite request followed by a polite decline.

Just like your free to say no to a friend if she asks yo borrow that dress.

PS the manners thing, and who is being rude/whose job it is to make whom feel comfortable, is very interesting. I don't disagree that a host should make a guest feel welcome; but on the other hand there is such a thing as being a good guest too, and personally I wouldn't feel like a good guest if I turned up to someone's house and kept my shoes on unless I was totally sure they were clean.

Someone upthread said a regular visitor 'always tries' to come into her house in their shoes, despite knowing what her preference is, and I find that . Who would be so rude?

rita yes really - most recently the cable tv man put plastic cover things over his shoes before coming in, and a while ago we had a plumber working here and he left his boots in the porch without me having to ask .

But now you've all got me feeling guilty about visitors and their precious little cold feet . Maybe I should buy a few pairs of those slippers you get in hotels that you can bung in the washing? They could live in a basket by the door. Would that be wierd?

But OnlyLovers don't you realise that makes you sound a bit selfish? What if the homeowner doesn't want you to take your shoes off?

Oh no no I got ripped into and called a dickhead for offering slippers penguin even washable ones ! You mustn't offer slippers

Am now thinking I might buy some of these

Are they quite nice or naff?

I find it quote amusing what people are prepared to put up with and the things they let people get away with in the name of outdoing everyone else in the " I'm the best host/friend/accepting person ever" to stakes.

Dirty shoes on carpets - big no. Rude.

Physical issue preventing you from doing so. Fine. Just stop having tickets on yourself that we need to know your bloody bra size in order to establish whether or not we believe you.. just say no. End of story.

Competitive not caring about your carpets.- bull shit. They aren't cheap and you bloody know it and a five minute visit from the neighbour for a cup of sugar is not justify the potential damage just to prove you are apparently so much more welcoming than the rest of us

No, they're dull. Get these instead.

Ha ha x-posted with you wish - a dickhead? Slightly harsh, but then coming from a shoe-on person I suppose it's only to be expected

Giles maybe because they have to decline, they already feel they are not complying with your wishes and are therefore feeling slightly awkward?