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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask visitors to take their shoes off before coming into my home?

596 replies

moomin35 · 17/11/2014 08:36

Including my MIL who clearly didn't appreciate being asked!

OP posts:
EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 18/11/2014 15:32

We had quite a dark carpet years ago, thinking it would be fairly dirt-resistant and hard-wearing. It was great, until friend's son walked dog shit throughout the entire downstairs. It took me hours and hours to clean it all, as I didn't know exactly where he had been (saw most of it, but as I had one crawling baby, couldn't take any chances and had to clean everything).

LovleyRitaMeterMaid · 18/11/2014 15:32

I was asking what kind of work is done in socks. Faffing about with tv's never entered my head as work that someone gets someone in for.

I still wouldn't expect a tradesman with tools and material to come into my house and work in their socks or indeed waste the time I'm paying them for taking shoes on and off.

Abra1d · 18/11/2014 15:34

I don't want to look at my FIL's or father's horrid old socks when they are here. Or anyone else's, bar children's, really.

Immediate family members change their shoes at the door. Non-family members don't. Unless they have really muddy shoes on. Or they're teenagers, who tend to do it automatically round here.

minipie · 18/11/2014 15:36

Laylady the difference is that it doesn't make guests uncomfortable to be careful with tea. It does make many of us (as shown by this thread) uncomfortable to take shoes off. So, IMO it's inconsiderate to be careless with a cup of tea, but it's not inconsiderate to want to keep your shoes on if you are embarrassed by your feet or will get cold feet.

I understand that carpets are expensive and last a long time - that's why it makes sense to buy a colour that won't show every bit of dirt, surely...

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 18/11/2014 15:36

Still, Rita - Mrs-Determined-To-Make-An-Argument!! Many elderly and disabled people need a tradesperson to "Faff" about with their TVs. DP actually often never even charges for this, so he wouldn't actually be charging for taking his shoes off and putting them back on again. And even if it were a larger job, shoe removal and replacement takes seconds.

You really are a one Grin

LovleyRitaMeterMaid · 18/11/2014 15:38

It would feel a bit intimate having a stranger in my house padding about in their socks.

What about doctors? Midwives? The meter reader? Do they have to take their shoes off too?

ginnycreeper5 · 18/11/2014 15:39

It's all about treating people like adults and crediting them with some commmon sense.

Example.
If I have been walking somewhere muddy and then decide to visit a friend, I have the decency to remove my shoes before entering the house.
But, If I have been supermarket shopping - I don't.
I would also check my children's shoes.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 18/11/2014 15:40

So surely the solution there is to just ask them to keep their shoes on, if you prefer it???
When they offer to take their shoes off, you simply say "No - that won't be necessary" It's not rocket science . . . .

ginnycreeper5 · 18/11/2014 15:41

What happens if you have to call the Doctor out, or the Paramedics?
Do you ask them to remove their shoes?

Are some people exempt?
Do you have a list that you consult?
how can I get on the list

HesNotTheMessiah · 18/11/2014 15:42

I am a wheelchair user and whenever we go anywhere we always have a towel in the car to wipe the wheels with in case it's raining etc. If mucky feet are bad, imagine mucky tyre marks everywhere. In good conditions I don't do anything, but DH will always check the tyres for dirt (after all it's not like I can take the wheels off and use the chair without them)

LovleyRitaMeterMaid · 18/11/2014 15:45

I'd rather they just got on with the job than waste time fretting about shoes.

emotionsecho · 18/11/2014 15:46

I was wondering if those who are shoes off (and have signs to that effect), insist on every single person who crosses the threshold remove shoes without exception, no lee-way for health visitors, doctors, etc.

Also what do your visitors do that so damages and dirties your carpets, do they make frequent circuits of the entire carpeted area?

Grammar · 18/11/2014 15:53

Having read the whole thread it is clear to me that it is simply:

Some people have good taste and some people have bad taste.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 18/11/2014 15:53

I'd rather they just got on with the job than waste time fretting about shoes.

I don't think they fret, particularly, they just ask. Takes seconds, as said.
If they were to make a carpet particularly dirty, then we got a bill for the cleaning, I wouldn't be too happy about that. Carpet cleaning bill could potentially outweigh the cost of the job they had done in that house (most particularly if it were to be one of the jobs they hadn't charged for). We'd be out of business in no time. Wink
It's just being considerate to offer. Can't see the problem.

Sunna · 18/11/2014 15:59

It's not considerate to offer to take your shoes off, it's bonkers.

irishe · 18/11/2014 16:10

This discussion really annoys me when it comes up. As weegie stated pages back, that no one even acknowledged, she has a medical condition that warrants a shoes on approach. I too, have a neurological condition that makes walking without footwear extremely painful. My neurologist, GP and podiatrist have all advised me to wear my footwear as much as possible. Clearly I do not sleep in it! Because I have significantly reduced sensation in my lower limbs and feet my footwear provides protection from damage that could lead to serious infection. I have orthotics expensively created by the NHS to help with walking and balance - I am much more likely to fall over without footwear. I have in the past developed a serious foot infection due to stubbing my toe (en route from bed to bathroom) and not realising the damage due to the neuropathy. A worst case scenario is that this could lead to amputation - no joke.

The only positive of this debilitating condition is that I cannot wear any type of heeled/fashion shoe, as am forced by necessity to wear sturdy walking shoes that can accommodate my orthotics, so my feet cannot be ruined any further!

You know, I do respect everyone's right to do want they want on this issue in their own homes. However you have no idea what it is like to have to explain to someone why I need to keep my shoes on. I used to embarrassingly give to much info. Now short and sweet I just say "I have a medical condition that necessitates me wearing shoes". No one has barred me from their house . . . .yet! And thankfully I move in circles where this is a rare request.

I don't live in a rental or down a muddy lane.

I just think, there is no good reason to put someone in this potentially awkward position.

Walk a mile in someone else's shoes. Pun intended!

Penguinsaresmall · 18/11/2014 16:19

Yanbu at all OP.

I recently spent a small fortune having most of my home carpeted - I don't like cold hard floors. It looks lovely and I want it to stay that way - which it won't if dirt from outside is constantly brought in on the bottom of people's shoes - how is that unreasonable? Family members all take their shoes off in the porch - if it's good enough for them it's good enough for visitors.

And in answer to ginny - you've just reminded me of some of the many reasons we don have dogs or cats Smile.

An ime tradesmen always take their shoes off or have those plastic things they put over them, I've never had to ask.

OnlyLovers · 18/11/2014 16:21

ginny. Your visitors do not have the same footwear habits as mine, clearly. That's all it comes down to. I doubt it's purely a generational thing; I'm talking about people ranging from their 20s to their 50s I try not to invite my mother or DP's parents over.

Also, those with health conditions that mean they have to/would rather keep shoes on, do you REALLY think friends or acquaintances would object if you explained why you didn't want to take them off?

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/11/2014 16:22

Why does everyone assume the shoe off brigade are waiting like vultures at the.door for uncooperative guests.

Or we pounce on disabled people without a second thought.and refuse to let them.in. We are quite normal people you know.

Guest: "would you like me to take my shoes off"

Host. " yes please. Thank.you, what would you like to drink...."

Or

Host. "Would you mind please taking your shoes off."

Guest "sorry I cant"

Host. " ok sorry what cab I get you to drink /eat. May I take your coat? Please have a seat ill make your coffee"

Where's the hostility exactly?

Bunch of drama Queens

LovleyRitaMeterMaid · 18/11/2014 16:24

Really? So what work have you had done in your home by a tradesman in his socks?

I'm perplexed by this concept!

emotionsecho · 18/11/2014 16:25

irishe and weegie, which is exactly why I would never prioritise my carpets or flooring over my guests comfort, if you are good enough to come and visit me the least I can do is make you feel welcome and at ease.

LovleyRitaMeterMaid · 18/11/2014 16:26

Giles we've heard from people with signs, telling us it's non negotiable and even crawling mils.

It's certainly not sounding like it's always as reasonable as your description.

squoosh · 18/11/2014 16:27

I think your username may have something to do with that Giles. Wink

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/11/2014 16:28

Well a couple of people with signs don't speak for the rest of us.

Grin@ squoosh

emotionsecho · 18/11/2014 16:29

Giles by asking someone like irishe or weegie to remove their shoes you have already made them feel awkward because they no doubt feel uncomfortable having to refuse and then give you an explanation as to why they can't which they may not want to do.

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