To ask visitors to take their shoes off before coming into my home?

[moomin35]

Including my MIL who clearly didn't appreciate being asked!

People walking on my cream carpet with dusty shoes makes my teeth itch .

Stale walking on your dusty carpets with my cream shoes makes my feet itch

I shout at DH's friends if they get more than a few feet "Uh! Shoes!!" and point at the door where they should put them

Never put off guests from coming to my house.

I am sure it hasnt, but I would love to be a fly on the wall when they are dicussing you in the pub later! Shoe on or shoes off, whatever, but the way you speak to them is extemely rude.

And FWIW, if you spoke to me or my H like that about anything, we would not be visiting again.

My sister in law is like this and it sets the tone for their whole lives. She doesn't shout at you, she asks nicely but she has a way of making everyone feel on edge the second they are in the door. It's all 'would you mind not touching the walls as you go up the stairs' kind of stuff. They very rarely have others in their house at all because she just finds it too stressful but it's even more stressful for the poor visitors. It's no way to live is it? For God's sake it's a home not a museum.

I've had the opposite, I have an aunt that tells us Not to take ours off! Her house is clean so I don't see the problem! We take ours off at home and everywhere else. I feel like I have my coat on in the house if I have to keep my shoes on.

I admit we took them off anyway. We shower every day and have clean nice looking feet :)

If people want to take their shoes off for comfort I have no problem with it. I always asked the children's friends when they were little because they would be in and out of the house/garden like a yo-yo and up and down the stairs trailing mud, so that's a bit different. Plus you don't generally need to ask children, they want to kick their shoes off the second they are in the door.

But NEVER NEVER in a month of Sundays would I ask adult guests to remove their shoes - imagine they'd come dressed nicely for dinner or lunch? It's so controlling and infantilising.

But I trust my friends to wipe their feet and have the good sense not to walk into my house in mud caked boots. I also detest fitted carpets in downstairs rooms for this very reason. It's wood/stone and rugs all the way for me.

Ok so I was brought up in a shoes on house and my father is pretty snobby about it but I do wonder if it is some strange class signified..as in it signifies the kind of lower middle class aspirations tribe..as in the people, that look down on asking shoes to be off. That is the conclusion I have come to as the really upper class people I know..do both and do not care what you do....but there is a particular scorn from the kind of lower middle class of people who ask you to remove your shoes and this thread is an opportunity for people to out themselves.

However having recently and luckily befriended a Harvard biochemist...she tells me that if most people knew how much pesticide is trampled into carpets on shoes...never mind the microscopic shit from public toilets etc....anyway according to her if you have kids you really want to avoid those pesticides coming in. They are carinogenic and very hard to just shampoo out. She is also Asian so has a bias that shoes are kind of bad form.you visit a house for a Short time.....be respectful of others rather than your own norms.
Her house is shoe free. I am going with the scientists on this one, rather than the self declared etiquette experts from the aspiring circles of humanity.

I admit we took them off anyway
How rude!

I think that is sensible, HelloItsMeFell, it is what I do with small children because they really don't take a account of the state of their shoes. I wouldn't dream of doing it with adults- so rude.
I think that many of you who think your friend's don't mind will find they comply but do mind- you probably are the subject of 'Hyacinth Bucket' type jokes when you are not around!
OP would probably find it is only her MIL who shows she doesn't like it- other probably suffer in silence.

I wonder if it is a class thing. I've brought my DCs up to kick off their shoes at the door. Me and the DCs lived in a terraced house with wooden floors and no shoes meant less elephant stamping noise. When I met OH it was shoes off at the door of his old place, he didn't insist but I felt odd with shoes on. My MIL has cream carpets and again it feels natural to take your shoes off - besides which I tend to take a short cut through clart to get to hers! Both OH and MIL are working class (and proud), my DM however is in the Hyancinth Bouquet camp and leaves shoes on.

I would ask at the door of someone's house as its a natural thing for me to take them off but I wouldn't insist on people coming to mine to do it.

Mehitabel6 I doubt it, seeing as they also expect shoes off in their houses! Would make them slightly hypocritical.

But NEVER NEVER in a month of Sundays would I ask adult guests to remove their shoes - imagine they'd come dressed nicely for dinner or lunch? It's so controlling and infantilising.

This.

If it's a class thing my family are completely working class and we do not wear shoes indoors.

Well, I'm as common as muck and I'm 'shoes on'.

It's like the BigEndians and the LittleEndians all over again.

she tells me that if most people knew how much pesticide is trampled into carpets on shoes...never mind the microscopic shit from public toilets etc....anyway according to her if you have kids you really want to avoid those pesticides coming in. They are carinogenic and very hard to just shampoo .....be respectful of others rather than your own norms

^^ This....

Most people's carpets are made from petro chemicals and saturated with a million and one toxic chemicals like flame retardants, dyes, fungicides etc etc.

Worrying about 'microscopic shit from public toilets' is nuts. Anyone with a germ phobia of that order should be seeking help, not worrying about whether people have shoes on or off.

Unless this scientist has specifically studied carpets and their content I wouldn't be inclined to take her word any more seriously than the next person's.

I wonder if Heads of State who are here on a State Visit have to take off their shoes when visiting Buckingham Palace or Windsor Castle.

I wonder if Heads of State who are here on a State Visit have to take off their shoes when visiting Buckingham Palace or Windsor Castle.

Well duh! the Queen makes them walk from their car to the palace on a carpet of course!

Sorry, but do you sleep in your outdoor clothes too?

Isn't taking shoes off at door as natural as putting on PJs before bed? Or sleeping in comfy t shirt?

Shoes are practical things, invented to keep feet warm and protected when outside. We don't walk around outside with bare feet as it would be hazardous, cold and unclean (unless on beach).
Its so lovely not having shoes on, wriggling toes.
There is no real reason why one needs shoes indoors. If needed slippers should do.

But then I'm forrin. For me its not a class thing but a cultural thing.

I come from the south of France. We are a little bit like hobbit: no shoes as much as you can! taking off shoes indoor is a mark of basic courtesy.
To be honest, I clicked on this thread because I was wondering why a simple question like the OP's could spread in such a big thread! And so I discovered another British quirk: shoes are a serious business that can lead to durable feud! And 'shoes off' people are rude, precious, and humorless, from what the 'shoes on' people say. Sorry, I guess I will still ask politely guests to take off their shoes at my flat, and also politely accept a no.

Thank you for this fascinating and slightly disturbing lesson about British people, MN!

I love this thread!

OfaFrenchMind,

I prefer quirky

I wonder what the equivalent would be in france? Something to do with food maybe?

merrymouse Could be, yes :). I saw my mum almost freak out when a guest wanted to put cheese in the onion soup she made!

burgatroyd yes I do sleep in my day clothes, thank you for asking.

I have a shoes-on rule in my house. Only it's not a rule as such, as people who want to take them off obviously can.

At PIL's house you have to take them off while standing on the built in doormat area, before stepping onto the high gloss floorboards. SIL is the same.

Of course they hate that I don't wear socks or slippers and I get snippy little comments about the footprint marks I leave on their polished floor. Well let me wear the clean, non-stiletto shoes then.

Anyway it doesn't matter now as I'm going NC with them for other reasons. I'm not petty enough to go NC with someone over their shoe rule.