To have no idea how to explain to my 9 year old DD what The Rapist Ched Evans did

[Hoppinggreen]

DD has obviously picked up some snippets about this and has asked what happened. She does know about sex but we haven't discussed what rape is and I don't know his to explain why the victim went to the hotel and what went on from there. I don't want to victim blame but I do want to perhaps talk to her about personal safety.
I also want to make the point that what The Rapist and his apologists are doing now is wrong and how Jessica Ennis ( who she worships) has done a great thing by condemning Sheffield utds actions.
Any suggestions?

MEOD, she may have said yes or no. The only evidence is the testimony of CE and CM.

It's grim isn't it? I looked at the website someone mentioned on here and I cannot believe he / his supporters actually think it portrays him in a good light. It actually worsens my view of him and his actions.

And lougle's question is an interesting one. I suspect an opportunity presents itself and someone takes it rather than the other way round.

Yy MEOD.

I can't believe the victim blaming here, it may not be direct but in an indirect way it's still victim blaming.

Perhaps my dc should never go out with out a chaperone, never sleep out or go to friends house or never have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

I don't think it is victim blaming to explore the circumstances within which rape can take place.

I remember seeing an interview of a woman who was raped. She said that one it was over, she pulled herself together and coldly looked at the man (a stranger) and said 'Are you finished now? I'm late for work.' She said that she knew, in that moment, that the only way to escape him was to pretend it meant nothing, to show no vulnerability.

I'm not victim blaming, at all. I think we should think beyond 'some men are raping barstards' to the dynamic of what makes an attractive victim, etc. Just as the police sometimes use ex-burglars to advise on what they look for in a property/car to make it worth the risk, there could be things that some men look for. For example, perhaps they look for a woman who is separated from her friends, or has had an argument, or has had one too many, etc.

Ultimately there are things you can do to minimise risk that aren't going to impinge on your freedoms (choose busy routes rather than secluded ones) and things you could do that would minimise risk but would impinge on your freedoms (be in by 6pm and don't go anywhere unaccompanied), which would be too limiting.

I am aware of rape and educate my children with facts not victim blaming shite

Glad to hear it. I'm assuming your 'education' involves personal safety tips/info...not quite sure why you took my comment so personally.

What Lougle said.

If you are determined enough you can twist anything to be seen as 'victim blaming'.

What lougle said.

You can absolutely take precautions to minimize risks to yourself.

So that creepy guy at the party may be there intending to rape someone. If my dd is reasonably sober he probably won't see her as an easy target.

FFS!! Not only drunk women get raped! If a man wants to rape, he isn't going to care what state his potential victim is in.

The only way to avoid rape is to not meet a rapist. Unfortunately, they don't yet come tattooed.

She could be raped by her friend who has stayed over in her home.
She could be raped by her husband/partner etc
She could be raped by a taxi driver

Telling her to not get drunk doesn't prevent a rape. What happens if she is stone cold sober & gets raped? It's like that poem that goes around via email/facebook about drink/driving

I did what you said, mum...I didn't get drunk
I did what you said, mum...I didn't wear that revealing dress
I did what you said, mum...I used a licensed taxi
I did what you said, mum...I didn't walk home alone.

Yet, I still got raped..why mum...why did I still get raped when you said I could prevent it if I did what you said...

How do you explain rapes in countries where women don't drink, don't spend time with men and stay covered up etc...?

Yes, where rape of women AND children is used as a weapon of war.

There are different types of rapist though, aren't there?

-Some rapists are men who won't accept that a woman who was happy to kiss and touch can then be unhappy to have sex.
-Some rapists are men who won't accept that a woman changed her mind about sex.
-Some rapists are men who won't accept that their partner isn't in the mood when he is.
-Some rapists are men who won't take 'no' for an answer.
-Some rapists are men who take advantage of a woman's intoxication to have sex that she may otherwise say no to.
-Some rapists are men who will take the opportunity to overpower an isolated woman and assault her.
-Some rapists are men who will seek out a woman to rape.
-Some rapists are men who will rape a woman in front of a partner to gain leverage in a kidnap/extortion crime.
-Some men will rape in war as part of a statement about a people's worth or to show that they can do anything they want.

Just because we can't minimise the risks for all types of rape, doesn't mean we can't consider what we could do to change the dynamic and minimise the likelihood of being chosen as the victim for some types of rape.

There is a whole space in some rapists minds that those first 3 are entirely legitimate reasons to continue to have sex - based in female 'availability' that society has told them exists, and their own lack of reasoning skills. To that mind it's not such a big deal, and they don't 'know it full well'.

Of course women get sexually assaulted and raped in all sorts of circumstances - it's blindly stupid to say that in individual circumstances nothing can be done to reduce the chances of it happening.

That's fairly simpleMy - because "they are not rapists" goes the internal dialogue, because they don't fulfill the required criteria of stranger/not in an alley and so on. You may also be surprised at the number of convicted rapists and sexual assaulters of both sexes who have a diagnosed learning disability, or when interviewed have a profile of someone with a learning difficulty. Their reasoning skills are impared, though this fact does not make the experience for the victim any lighter.

Typologies of rapists does usually rely on the motivation, rather then the actual behaviours and circumstance at the time of the attack.

yes it depends which way you wish to look at it, doesn't it? The power and control thing has been known and understood for decades in modern societies - it's just a bit of a cul-de-sac when it comes to applying to individual circs. or overall intervention with a rapist.