To have no idea how to explain to my 9 year old DD what The Rapist Ched Evans did

[Hoppinggreen]

DD has obviously picked up some snippets about this and has asked what happened. She does know about sex but we haven't discussed what rape is and I don't know his to explain why the victim went to the hotel and what went on from there. I don't want to victim blame but I do want to perhaps talk to her about personal safety.
I also want to make the point that what The Rapist and his apologists are doing now is wrong and how Jessica Ennis ( who she worships) has done a great thing by condemning Sheffield utds actions.
Any suggestions?

Just say he hurt a woman.

Piper do you think taking precautions would not prevent anything from happening?

But teaching your teenage dd that getting completely pissed at a party COULD mean someone takes advantage of her is sensible surely? If some horrible lad tries it on she's in a much better position to spot the warning signs and mitigate against them.

If your dd wants to discuss it then I think you should. My dd about the same age came home from school asking about whether a man could force a woman to have sex. I wasn't expecting to have that conversation but I listened to what her friend had told her and we talked about being in a loving relationship. I answered all her questions in the most simplistic way I could whilst being honest. It is hard when these sort of topics seem to come out of the blue. They aren't avoidable though. My dd reads the newspaper and takes an avid interest in news topics. Overall this is a good thing.

no because rape is something somebody chooses to do too you - you have no control over that - unless you move to an island with no mainland contact and no other humans you can't 'avoid' rape

this is a slight aside, but you and your child dont know who Jessica Ennis is?! Are you in the UK?

I thought exactly the same thing! She's such a fantastic role model your DC should know about her.

Rape is something someone chooses to do. He doesn't have to choose to do it to you though. So that creepy guy at the party may be there intending to rape someone. If my dd is reasonably sober he probably won't see her as an easy target.

yy Titchy.

Not Making yourself possibly an easy target is a precaution worth taking.

If it was my child I would say --

The woman had too much alcohol on a night out and forgot where she was and what she was doing and this man invaded her personal space without her permission as she had no ability to let him kiss/ cuddle etched because she was drunk enough she was too confused to say ok and she's very hurt he would cry to invade her space when he knew she was like this. She was not to blame as he took advantage but it always pays to stY close to your friends when out on a night and look out for each other.
Mor something like that. Use your own disgression.

Excuse typos on iPhone :(

Not much is said about that. Does someone intend to rape anyone, so they pick the most vulnerable looking woman, or do they see a vulnerability and it triggers their inclination to rape?

yes Tichy or maybe he finds drunk girls off putting and not as much fun as ones who are ware what's happening - also rapists don't fit some kind of 'creepy guy' E-fit - most of the time are normal and nice

That could sound victim blaming. It's not what I mean. I mean would a rapist rape anyone that night, or would they shelve their intention if nobody looked sufficiently vulnerable?

True who knows what they think. But a drunk woman is less able to think quickly about how to get out of a potentially dangerous situation than a sober one.

But teaching your teenage dd that getting completely pissed at a party COULD mean someone takes advantage of her is sensible surely? If some horrible lad tries it on she's in a much better position to spot the warning signs and mitigate against them

Of course it's sensible. And if you don't teach your child personal safety tips, because you're sitting back with your hands up going 'Well if it's going to happen it will, there's nothing you can do to stop it so don't even try' then you're a shit parent IMO.

5Children has it exactly :)

yet lots of sober women get raped daily - and yes Memphis I am sitting on my hands expecting all 3 of my girls to be raped what a stupid comment - I worked for Rape Crisis for over 17 years I am aware of rape and educate my children with facts not victim blaming shite :)

Who thinks that if the woman raped by Ched Evans had been a little less drunk - he'd've zipped up and left the room that he had let himself into without knocking or being invited?

I've had discussions with my DS (now 10) about abuse and consent, after Jimmy Saville's crimes started getting talked about. What I said was along the lines of it being wrong to touch people who don't want to be touched, wrong to bully people or scare them to make them do what you want, and that everyone's bodies belong to them and no one else.

I do actually agree vbery much with telling teenage DC not to get too hammered on a night out., Because drunk teenagers are at risk of walking out in front of moving traffic, falling down flights of stairs, getting into fights, taking on idiotic dares etc far more than possible sexual assaults.

Sorry to butt in - but wanted to post this link to our WeBelieve You campaign before deleting Titchy's post, which we don't think is appropriate here.

Apologies all.

"Who thinks that if the woman raped by Ched Evans had been a little less drunk - he'd've zipped up and left the room that he had let himself into without knocking or being invited?"

My question might lead on:

"Who thinks that had she been less drunk, his mate might not have text Ched Evans and said 'come and have a go....'"?

I'd raise my hand to that one.

Neither is right and neither should be seen to blame the victim, but I do wonder if he would have even thought of doing it had she been less drunk.