Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you how often you have sex?

174 replies

FruitCakey · 13/11/2014 13:55

DH and I go through phases.
We have been together for almost 9 years and married 5 years (tomorrow is our anniversary.) At times, sex can be most nights, other times it can be weeks without anything. 99% of the time, it's shit! Blush

So I am going to be nosey and dig.
How many of you are satisfied with your sex life? How often is enough for you?

Please don't reply if you're not comfortable answering. Smile

OP posts:
AlpacaMyBags · 14/11/2014 01:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aprilanne · 14/11/2014 08:20

i have been with hubby 20 plus years .and its been a year.he is ill .but before that once a week .in our early twenty,s every night i think it all depends on your age .and how long you have been together .

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/11/2014 08:23

Not me-I think sharing a bed is vastly over ratedWink

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/11/2014 08:27

Curly-I was actually wondering the same especially with posters who are doing it 3x a day!

Trickydecision · 14/11/2014 08:32

Married 43 years; twice a week on average, more when we are in holiday. In the afternoon ( benefit of both being retired) followed by a snooze and a chat then he brings ne up a nice cup of tea.

BeccadeWinter · 14/11/2014 10:13

3-4 times a week (every other day, or thereabouts). We've been together for 5.5 years.

It does feel like a chore a lot of the time - I enjoy it a lot whilst it's happening, and DP is a good lover, but it's fairly repetitive and always takes a while. I'd enjoy it a lot more if there was the odd 5 minute quickie, to be honest.

I'm pretty neurotic about not letting more than a couple of days go without initiating something (whether I'm in the mood for it or not), which isn't good. For all I know DP would be perfectly happy with it once or twice a week, but neither or us has brought it up.

WalkingInMemphis · 14/11/2014 10:16

We go through phases.

Sometimes it will be twice a every night for a week. Or we could go three weeks without.

I'd say it probably averages twice a week.

SpuffySummers · 14/11/2014 10:17

Been together 2 years. A couple of times during the week, usually. Weekends when my DDs go to their Dads, we have a lot of sex, whenever/wherever in the house we feel like. And its very, very good.

ElizaPickford · 14/11/2014 10:21

11 years together - 4 times this year. Had a gap of 6.5 months without. Clearly we have issues. Sad

thegreylady · 14/11/2014 10:52

Not having sex if neither of you wants it does not mean you have issues. It means you don't fancy having intercourse not that you don't fancy one another. We have lots of cuddles and are very loving towards one another. We stopped sex after my dh had a heart attack and didn't restart. We found that neither of us missed it at all. We chat about it occasionally and I have indulged in a bit of diy every now and again. He is 78 now and I am in my 70's too. It doesn't seem important to actually connect our bits when we have a snuggle in bed.

gemdrop84 · 14/11/2014 10:58

Together 9 yrs, married for 1, on average about once or twice a week. I definitely miss it if we haven't had it at least once a week! Although we are generally quite affectionate/intimate the rest of the time too, cuddles, kisses, snuggles in bed etc.

DataColour · 14/11/2014 11:38

We've been together for 14yrs married for 10. Have 2 DCs 6 and 4. It depends on how tired we are and where I am in my cycle. Mid cycle upto ovulation (DH has had a vasectomy so no birth control for me) we could do it everday for 3/4 days, also just before my period a couple of time...so we average about 5/6 times a month.
We had a phase..a year long!...where we didn't have sex at all. I was breastfeeding DC2 and I didn't get my period till she was 14 months old and it killed my sex drive completely. It was hard for me and DH and we did argue a lot during that time, not helped by the fact that we had 2 small children and they wanted to co-sleep too.
Luckily we are back on track now and we are more intimate than ever.

BigPawsBrown · 14/11/2014 11:43

Once a week? It's v important to us. We have a box of things we want to do. Some are weekends away, some are things like having a bath together etc. We try and do something from that once a week as otherwise it's easy to become complacent with busy jobs etc.

Sallystyle · 14/11/2014 11:47

Together for almost 9 years.

We do not have sex very often. I am married to a man with a very low sex drive, mine isn't exactly high either.

We can go four weeks without sex quite happily, and at other times we will be more active and might even have it once a week ;)

Sex is great when it happens, we are very happily married, but sex just isn't all that important to us now. As long as we both know we are attractive to the other and intimate in other ways and have lots of cuddles, then it is all good.

happybubblebrain · 14/11/2014 11:47

Never, i haven't had sex for about 4 years. And that is ther perfect amount for me. I'm so glad I don't have to live with the constant pressure of it anymore. Single life perk number 1.

Sallystyle · 14/11/2014 11:48

And yes, I am crazily attracted to my husband. I think he is gorgeous. Lack of sex means nothing about how attractive we find the other.

happybubblebrain · 14/11/2014 11:55

And perk 2, now I'm getting older, is not having to look at an older man's body and pretend that I'm still attracted to it. I'm sure lots of women have to be very good actresses.

cavkc · 14/11/2014 12:00

Almost daily and maybe a couple of times a day at the weekend ... Very happy Grin

We have been together 15 years, married for 10 and both in our early 50's

Interestingly though I was married very young with it only lasting 18 months but we had a non existent sex life, in fact he called me frigid! If only he could see me now lol

ZanyMobster · 14/11/2014 12:00

Been together 9 years have 2 DC, in the beginning it was several times a day then after DS1 was born at least once a week, probably more often. DH has suffered from depression and anxiety pretty severly for the last 3 years so hardly ever now, once every 2 or 3 months which is awful for both of us really, when we do it is fantastic and we do both want to all the time.

We still find each other attractive and want to have sex more often and we are working on making things better, I feel sad for DH as it makes his depression and anxiety worse as he worries about it which then makes it less likely to happen. I also ending feeling very insecure so it is not good.

ZanyMobster · 14/11/2014 12:02

U2TheEdge I feel very reassured reading your post, MN does worry me as as soon as the questions is asked 'How often', everyone is doing it at least twice a day! Also it is suggested there are serious relationsip problems if you're not.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/11/2014 12:55

How often isn't really the question, or answer though, is it? 'How is it?' should be the question. If it's good and you're happy it didn't actually matter if it's every day or every year.

dancestomyowntune · 14/11/2014 14:01

I'm 30, dh is 32. We have been together 14 years, married 9. We have four Dcs and I'm 18 weeks pregnant with fifth (and last!).

Usually we Dtd about 5/6 times a week. However in my first trimester this time I didn't feel up to it. (Highly unusual; I usually have a very high libido) and before getting pregnant dh has had a heart problem (now, fingers crossed, fixed through surgery) so it went down a bit. Sometimes when we are busy or tired we can go a couple of weeks with just a cuddle, it's not a huge problem.

Sallystyle · 14/11/2014 14:24

Zany, my husband has bi-polar and severe anxiety, the meds and that probably don't help his sex drive.

I look at him and think he is gorgeous, little things he does turn me on, but I can't really be arsed to have sex and neither can he often. I couldn't be more attracted to him, I just often find sex a pain in the arse (no pun intended). The mess, the fact that I have to move Grin and the fact that it takes time away from sleep or my wonderful books. Sex is amazing when it happens and then I wonder why we don't do it more often, so we might have it a bit more for a while then we go back to preferring getting more sleep, and with five children, two of them teens who are awake until we go to bed, before going to sleep is often the only time we can do it. And stuff morning sex, I just want caffeine!

happy bubble, I find it odd that you think a perk of being single is to not feel constant pressure to have sex. I can honestly say I have never felt pressured. I also think a lot of people grow older together, so an ageing body isn't a turn off, because you love that person.

Yoghurty · 14/11/2014 14:31

We've been together 9 years, married for 1.

On average its once every 4-5 weeks. In the first few years it was multiple times a week, but we've sort of settled into this pattern. I'm not unhappy with it but am now wondering as most of the responses from other posters indicate this isn't often enough!

The sex is always good, but it's better if it's regular as we seem to get out of practice!

happybubblebrain · 14/11/2014 15:45

U2TheEdge - it's odd that I am different to you? Really? Some people like sex, others find it a chore, others like it even less than that. In the past I've never had a relationship with a man that didn't want sex very often which is very off-putting, hence the pressure. And nobody will convince me that men over 35 look good, I've never met one.