MIL - I've really no idea why she was so upset about this?

[MyballsareSandy]

My 13 year old DDs go from school to the in laws every Wed, have dinner there and DH collects them. They don't particularly like doing this as they are old enough to go home alone, until me and DH get home from work, which we allow on other days. It's just basically to keep in touch with their grandparents, and usually the GPs love it (I think!).

Anyway, yesterday DH arrives at his parents to find his mum in floods of tears, and his dad having stern words with DD2. Apparently she was doodling in a notebook and wrote "Nan smells of fart" . Bit childish at 13, but really is it worth the drama that followed, I just don't get it.

DD doesn't want to go there anymore, she can't understand the reaction either and would much rather just go home after school, which I'm tempted to say yes to.

Children do not exist for the pleasure and entertainment of adults. 13 is plenty old enough to choose not to have to go to their GPs every week.

Well said.

What is the point you only foster resentment.

yes force your own if you want too then they will hate you and hate their GP.

Seeing them every week is amazing.

funky you cannot be forced to be selfless, or resentfully selfless, its oxymoronic. You also can't make your children be selfless so you get the credit,and you cannot teach selflessness, or unselfishness, by forcing children or teens to fake it til they make it... You won't get an unselfish child, you'll get a resentful one.

On the school/ homework subject - yes, children have so much they have to do and have no say about in their lives, but that is surely an argument against forcing more duties onto them, rather than the opposite. Everyone will get more that is positive out of the arrangement if it is a willing one on both sides.

Sometimes in life you have to do things you don't enjoy, accept this as a child and life will be a lot easier. Find a way to enjoy those things, or at least tolerate them. Saves a lot of shock in later life

Really? I would expect 13 year olds to realise that sometimes we have to do something we would prefer not to do because it makes other people happy. But I want my children to be kind and considerate people who don't always just think about themselves.......

Sometimes is occasionally not every single week.

Its obviously not causing happiness the grandma was in floods of tears.

13 is still yong immature child, granny doesnt understand this, granny and child should have distance between them for mutual benefit.

Find a way to enjoy those things, or at least tolerate them

By letting off some steam in a private doodle about granny?

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase Thu 13-Nov-14 16:31:02

Yes another great post.

I loved seeing grandma, seeing her every week woukd have been a huge treat. My gran was kind, funny and generous, how us your MIL. Yes miss out the odd week, visits should be beneficial to both. She should still see gran sometime in the month, unless she is nasty and toxic or nit pleasant to be around.

Sometimes in life you have to do things you don't enjoy, accept this as a child and life will be a lot easier.

I agree.

Your DD was plain nasty and is old enough to know better. I hate to go to my gran's house every Sunday morning and I hated it. Not because I didn't love her, because I did, but because it was boring for me at that age. My mum told me that sometimes you should do things to make someone else feel happy and it actually wasn't always about me. I really can't understand the attitude of letting children do exactly what they want even if it means hurting someone else.

*had to go

Your daughter was really rude.

That is the problem here not that your mil was very upset.

I assume from op's silence she was expecting a rather different response than she has got on this thread so far.

The thing is...children/teens DO do silly immature things, it's not necessarily disrespectful and rude (Did she think it would be discovered...children can be completely oblivious to these sorts of things)
In a basically good relationship. (albeit they are teens and not particularly wanting to go back there after school.. but that is beside the matter..I think, where there is no harm being done, they should continue to go back aftter school) ,then a stern word, coupled with a bit of humour with DD and for her to ask her grandmother's forgiveness, ie, an apology and then an open conversation with your MIL (as, has been said..there are many potentially embarrassing senarios, that you may not know about, and maybe, with reasonable people, doing reasonable things the problem may blow over. I feel for all three of you!

Sounds like a huge over reaction from MIL - floods of tears? Really?

At 13 I think you have to let your DC see extended family when they want. My teens see GPs, aunties etc on their own terms or it just leads to bad feeling.

I would say this arrangement has run it's course wouldn't you?

Interesting to know what the DH thought about the treatment of his mother by his DD and the complete dismissal of her feelings by his DW.

As the OP hasn't got the nerve to come back we will never know!

With any luck his parents have told her and his ungrateful DD to fuck off and never come back.

My girls love going to my mum's. I'd never make them go, but then again I don't need to. They want to go.

I'm sure the fact that if one of them had said she smelt of fart, she'd chase them round the house and sit on them pretending to squeeze one out is not entirely unrelated to that.

Your MIL sounds tiresome to me. I don't think making your kids keep going round is teaching them anything other than granny's an annoyance to be got shot of at the first opportunity.

NoMarymary Thu 13-Nov-14 16:48:44

Your posts are a wild reaction to a one off comment.

Dis inherit them, tell them to fuck off? Because a child said something silly.

I would be interested to know if child is generally good...surely the grandma would know the girls personality by know..if a pleasant kind child usually why such an over reation.

agree sucy

"Nanny smells of farts"
(Results in floods of tears)
Most fitting response to this
"Fuck off and never come back"
AHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ops going to get a shock when checks mn on way home from work....

As the OP can't be bothered or too ashamed to reply, we will never know.

I do know if my child (way too young) said something so hurtful to my mother I would be livid.

You may be minimising it but to say an older person smells shitty is vile.

Here's the science before you object. A smell is volatile matter. A fart comes from the large bowel where ....oh guess what, shit is made.

It was rude and a very childish thing to say, and perhaps Grandma was also upset because her generation didn't refer to bodily functions, it was a big no,no.

13 year olds have sex and babies?
What a sheltered life I lead

I noticed that her FIL had stern words with DD2. How did that go, I wonder?
Did she feel a little embarrassed, did her twin back her up or just stay out of the way?
Or did she go home and hope that she'd never have to go back, and that her rudeness had achieved that?