Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that this country is doing my family no favours?

315 replies

TiredOfItAllNow · 12/11/2014 11:14

I've NC. as it's all a bit personal.

I'm so tired of the struggle to get some decent standard of living in this country.

We are so poor.

We live in a 2 bed council flat, DH works very hard, full time in a non-safe job...he's a decorator.

I work part time because I can't seem to get another job which would work with school and we just can't see how we'd afford any childcare...I was hoping to get a 2nd job which might fit in with my first and with school but it's not happening.

We can barely make ends meet. We never go out anywhere...no days out, all my clothes are 2nd hand and the DCs are always bought in sales or 2nd hand.

Something unexpeced like a school book fair can arse up my finances for two weeks....I know the DC don't HAVE to go to the book fair and buy a book but you tell that to your children who never have a new toy unless it's a special occasion and whose entire library is 2nd hand.

And we work! Why shouldn't we have enough money to buy our children a book!

What's gone wrong that everything is so expensive?

We don't have any luxuries, I'm very good at cooking from scratch and all meals are cheap...we have some kind of meat once a week ffs! Because it's too expensive otherwise.

Some days there's no food other than pasta, flour and basics...I don't buy frozen food much as our firdge is tiny and the frozen compartment just about fits a bag of peas and a box of fishfingers in it.

I read on here about people booking to go to Christmas parks and going shopping for this and that and I just get disheartened.

We have the opportunity to move to Australia next year. DH has been offered a job...I told my sister and she was all "You can't be that poor...you earn alright money"

We don't! She couldn;'t be happy that we had a chance to get out of this horrible, tiny flat...

OP posts:
Ratbaggity · 12/11/2014 12:32

Tired, we lived in Oz for years - went out in the eighties when it was still 'The Lucky Country'. It really isn't like that anymore. Property is astronomically expensive, utilities are too, and fuel is rapidly catching up with the UK. Food is eye wateringly expensive compared to the UK - in fact I don't think we appreciate how lucky we are here in respect to food costs. We pay far less in the UK for our food than most west European countries, Australia, New Zealand etc. There are lots of niggly things which you have to pay for in Australia which we take for granted as free in the UK.

We visit frequently and family who still live in Oz are always bitching about tax/immigration/health care/education/property prices - exactly the same issues that people bitch about over here.

You do sound down and stuck, but perhaps have one last ditch concerted effort to improve your lot over here before making such a huge move.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 12/11/2014 12:33

I think based on everything you have said you should consider moving. It looks like you have done your homework and you sound totally miserable here, and life is too short to feel like that all the time.

I really think we need a living wage in this country, not a minimum wage, and control of the ridiculous cost of housing. The op has a degree, her dh has a trade, and they still cannot have an acceptable standard of living. I know it would cost money to improve things, but if the op moves her skills, her dh skills and her dc's future careers won't benefit this country in the slightest, and we all lose out.

Good luck with whatever you chose to do op, and I hope things are better for you in the future.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 12/11/2014 12:34

Or hey, you could get some decorating training and set up with your DP. That would give you lots of flexibility.

I know families who went to Australia. They have all come back. They have cited the climate, the flies, the cost of everything and the shocking 1950s attitudes to everything from equality to culture as the main reasons. You need to be very sure.

needastrongone · 12/11/2014 12:35

OP - sorry, I have scanned the thread rather than read every single post.

Two things - would you DH feel comfortable starting his own decorating business? If he doesn't have job security anyway, this might not be as risky as it seems? FWIW my own DH did this (not decorating, but he runs his own company in his specialist field) when our DC were tiny and I was a SAHM, the first couple of years were very tough and scary but worth it long term, financially and emotionally. At least he's responsible for his own destiny then, so to speak. This was actually less scary during the recession than having the axe haning over you.

Also - the cost of actually getting out to OZ would be very high no? I am thinking of when we moved 3 years ago (just in the UK), do you have the facility financially to emigrate.

Good luck - hope nothing has come over as snarky.

Sidge · 12/11/2014 12:35

Don't underestimate the costs of emigrating - the process of moving to Oz is incredibly expensive. Visas, medicals, flights, shipping. You're potentially looking at thousands.

letseatgrandma · 12/11/2014 12:35

I know how you feel, OP. DH works full time, I work pt-both have good degrees and MSc/Post grad qualifications. He's been made redundant from his IT job 4 times in the last ten years and each time has taken a hit to the travel/wager/pension. I've been part time in a job I despise for years and my choices are to do more hours (which I think would currently make me ill), retrain (which I can't afford to do) or stay as I am-bearable but we do not earn enough money to make living fun :(

Original poster
TiredOfItAllNow · 12/11/2014 12:36

Look...I don't want to reveal certain points about myself on here. I've said....we don't need to worry about costs of location. That's sorted. We have somewhere to live out there at a very low cost for a year...that's a chance for us to save up.

I know all about the current costs of living out there. We will still be better off. My main dissapointment writing all this down is my own family....I feel like were we close, I'd have second thoughts about all this...but weighing up the lifestyle here with the lifestyle there ...Oz wins...here we lead a secluded sort of a life. Extended family which is a big point in life, just doesn't feature in my DC lives.

Out there we have some close relatives and some friends. I feel things would be much nicer all round.

OP posts:
SilentAllTheseYears · 12/11/2014 12:37

I'd be inclined to go, but bear in mind that the grass is always greener.....good luck whatever you decide, and I do hope that you feel happier soon.

Original poster
TiredOfItAllNow · 12/11/2014 12:39

I have been unhappy for so long that when I think of Oz...and I've considered it a few times over the years, when I think of it now, it seems like it can't come soon enough.

We were last there 2 years ago. I spend a lot of time now looking at housing out there so I'm up to date with costs...we could have a nice little house...with a garden...I so want a garden.

OP posts:
ChippingInAutumnLover · 12/11/2014 12:44

Have you tried talking to your Mum? Properly talking, not just suggesting meeting up for a pub lunch?

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 12/11/2014 12:44

So the OP was just a little misleading then? You wanted to moan about a lack of family support, fair enough.

But it's not on to moan about being poor and never having anything nice when that's not the issue at all. And while you clearly aren't rich, you are probably better off than at least 80% of the world's population.

We are very lucky to live in this country, even with the current government, and it makes me sad that so few people seem to appreciate it.

QuintsBombWithAWiew · 12/11/2014 12:45

Well, you are not going to be happy until you have tried. Give it a go!

fancyanotherfez · 12/11/2014 12:49

You seem as if you have done a lot of research. We live in a very expensive area, which we are dying to move out of, but can't get jobs where we want to go.

I think if you don't go you will regret it and never be happy because 'what if we went to Australia' would always be in the back of your mind. If you have a job and you have done all the research, you should give it a go.

SilentAllTheseYears · 12/11/2014 12:49

And while you clearly aren't rich, you are probably better off than at least 80% of the world's population.

That's not relevant though is it? I mean, it's appalling how 80% of the world's population live but it's about the situation for the OP.

If they can get sponsored by a relative to life in Oz then why not give it a go?

This link is interesting - global pay scale

Viviennemary · 12/11/2014 12:51

I have felt like this in the past. I don't like the set up in this country. Low paid people getting £14,000 a year and paying tax and benefit cap being £26,000 no tax. If I was younger I'd emigrate.

VenusRising · 12/11/2014 12:54

Tiredofitall, you sound quite depressed.

Maybe the weather, maybe your bad family realationships, maybe you just look on the negative side.

Fwiw, I think you're a lot better off than most, and maybe that's why you're getting a lot of negative comments as people feel frustrated with your ungrateful ness.

I'm getting a little annoyed myself as you do seem to be whining on about how you'd love a garden etc etc and yet have 10 years of going to local, safe, green parks, and then you drop the bomb and say you were in oz two years ago...
That's a major expense, and not one I could meet.....

Part of me wants to give you a boot up the backside, so I'll get my hat.
G'Day!

HelpMeGetOutOfHere · 12/11/2014 12:57

I'd do a lot more research on the lifestyle. Friends move out a couple of years ago, secret harbour in/near perth and its not been all that they expected. Her H is an air conditioning engineer, so plenty of work and fairly well paid. However they both work long hours, longer hours than they worked in the UK. The teenagers are left far longer on their own than they used to be.

They rarely go to the beech/pool etc and life has been difficult socially as they didn't want to solely mix with ex-pats but have found it difficult to make new friends except for ex-pats.

HumblePieMonster · 12/11/2014 13:00

Do go to Australia.

Original poster
TiredOfItAllNow · 12/11/2014 13:01

Venus we didn't have to pay for our previous trips out there.

Help we don;t need more research. We've done tonnes.

OP posts:
Original poster
TiredOfItAllNow · 12/11/2014 13:02

I feel like a lot of people think "You've got a roof, you can eat...how dare you want more!!"

It's like bloody Oliver Twist!

OP posts:
FreudiansSlipper · 12/11/2014 13:06

why not just make plans to move this is what you seem to really want to do

as you know austrailia is very expensive especially the cities outside not so much

if you are planning to go next year you really need to start getting plans put into place get your visas sorted out, look at areas where you could move to, would you be able to work there and so on

mijas99 · 12/11/2014 13:08

OP - if you are unhappy in the UK then you will probably be unhappy in Australia

Happiness lives in the head.

Having a "nice garden" won't change that

FreudiansSlipper · 12/11/2014 13:10

I have friends struggling in Australia and family in the states I think that is the way in many countries at the moment :(

I find the cost of living here less and I love in London the biggest cost is housing. clothing, travel, food is much cheaper here petrol isn't

Original poster
TiredOfItAllNow · 12/11/2014 13:12

Mijas do you have a garden?

OP posts:
Anewmeanewname · 12/11/2014 13:13

I think there's just something slightly stubborn and foot-stampy about your posts, op, which is causing people to respond in the way that they are.

You write an op bemoaning your poverty, yet mention that you visited Aus. on holidays a couple of years ago?

Something about all this tells me that emigrating isn't the answer to all your troubles, but by all means, give it a go. It doesn't sound as though you have very much to lose.