AIBU to think that this country is doing my family no favours?

[TiredOfItAllNow]

I've NC. as it's all a bit personal.

I'm so tired of the struggle to get some decent standard of living in this country.

We are so poor.

We live in a 2 bed council flat, DH works very hard, full time in a non-safe job...he's a decorator.

I work part time because I can't seem to get another job which would work with school and we just can't see how we'd afford any childcare...I was hoping to get a 2nd job which might fit in with my first and with school but it's not happening.

We can barely make ends meet. We never go out anywhere...no days out, all my clothes are 2nd hand and the DCs are always bought in sales or 2nd hand.

Something unexpeced like a school book fair can arse up my finances for two weeks....I know the DC don't HAVE to go to the book fair and buy a book but you tell that to your children who never have a new toy unless it's a special occasion and whose entire library is 2nd hand.

And we work! Why shouldn't we have enough money to buy our children a book!

What's gone wrong that everything is so expensive?

We don't have any luxuries, I'm very good at cooking from scratch and all meals are cheap...we have some kind of meat once a week ffs! Because it's too expensive otherwise.

Some days there's no food other than pasta, flour and basics...I don't buy frozen food much as our firdge is tiny and the frozen compartment just about fits a bag of peas and a box of fishfingers in it.

I read on here about people booking to go to Christmas parks and going shopping for this and that and I just get disheartened.

We have the opportunity to move to Australia next year. DH has been offered a job...I told my sister and she was all "You can't be that poor...you earn alright money"

We don't! She couldn;'t be happy that we had a chance to get out of this horrible, tiny flat...

Oh and we don't pay for DDs orthodontic treatment. If it is necessary, not for cosmetic purposes, then I believe it's still free in this country.

Turn2us seems to be pretty accurate any time i have used it so a good place to start.

Do you have any debts/overdrafts that are costing a lot to maintain? Mine is swallowing loads a month and ive just contacted stepchange to deal with it.

I think if your wages arent cutting the mustard you have to start thinking outside the box.
Can you work from home in the evenings? Childmindjng? Self employed cleaner? Take in ironing, dog walking, babysitting, can DP move from employee to self employed? Can he upgrade his skills so he is offering a more niche service? Can you retrain?

Giggly DH will not be working as a decorator in Oz.

We have a place to stay for a year at very low cost once we get there. We're very lucky to be offered it as it's furnished and we can save up during that time...

sonjadog I agree, some people are sick of others slagging the UK off. It's a great country in comparison to others. People don't know how lucky they are.

I visited Oz 4 years ago and was quite surprised by how expensive food was -no different to the UK. So I would see if you could maximise you and your husband's earning here, see if you are getting everything you are entitled to, and look very carefully at the costs of moving etc to Oz. It might be just what you need, it might be an expensive mistake.

I hope things work out for you.

Red yes, food is surprisingly expensive out there I agree. Biscuits for almost 5 dollars a pack I remember.

Thing is...maximising our earnings here isn't as appealing as just buggering off at the moment. The weather appeals...the beach appeals...we've been there more than once so we know the culture. It's not a blind "We'll move to Oz!" choice. It's informed.

If you really don't want to go to Australia - and it does sound a good option - has your husband considered setting up for himself and going self employed? You end up paying a lot less in tax if you earn under 30k and you are self employed which might make a big difference to you. It's not as if his current job is very reliable anyway. Start with a few jobs at lower than usual prices, on the promise of good references , do a bit of leafleting and internet advertising and he'd be away.

How will you pay for the move?

Where in Aus? Can I answer any questions? What occupation?

I've heard expats have to pay a lot for schooling here (it's free for locals). I think basic healthcare is covered by a reciprocal agreement. Housing is expensive.

Either way, I think your dp needs a new job.

Getting rid of Sky is hardly going to make her a millionaire is it?

That said, if you really are that stuck money wise, there must be something you aren't claiming? Do check it out.

I'm a bit confused though about dh's job. You said full time, then you said casual and then does a few jobs for himself. So is his salary not guaranteed ever? Is that it?

I do err on the side of caution with the grass is greener thing though. I know of at least 3 families who moved to Australia and all moved back within 5 yrs. Too expensive. And these were 2 families of graduates, and 1 where she was a midwife, and he had his own building company.

I've yet to find a country in the western world which is cheaper than the UK to be honest. Whilst offering everything it does to the less well off. So, yes, very unfair on the old UK.

When I sit here (south of Italy) bemoaning about how expensive everything is here (opticians visit for a child 300 euro before she picks the glasses....etc etc) that manky old British grass suddenly looks very green indeed. And I'm not sure it's an illusion.

If your child needs orthodontic treatment its free - you just have to wait for their adult teeth to come in. Your dentist will refer you to a NHS orthodontist. It sounds as if you are just fed up with life, I think you should keep your Sky TV as if you don't have much money at least with Sky you can watch films, that must be cheaper than going to the cinema or renting other videos.

Why have your family stopped doing things together? Have the others moved away from the area or has your grandmother died and your mother hasn't taken on the role of matriarch? Does she realise how much you would like to spend time with her? Could your husband set up his own decorating business? If you have a degree you must have high literacy levels, could you get an office admin job?

I'm afraid when you say "the weather appeals, the beach appeals" that doesn't sound informed at all.

Add message | Report | Message poster TiredOfItAllNow Wed 12-Nov-14 12:02:30
tools there IS no support system. My family aren't like that. Nobody every pops in on one another...there's no babysitting for each other...no little visits from cousins. I feel like my DC aren't getting all they could living in this box.

By support system, I actually meant free healthcare, tax credits, all the stuff that help support us in raising a family.
I brought my children up with no support from family, because we lived 200 miles away from anyone, DH worked away Mon-Fri and we were as poor as church mice, so I do understand (to a degree) how you feel.
I still think you could look to improve your lot here. If DP will not be a decorator in Australia, that suggests he has another string to his bow - what is it and why is he not doing it here?
You have a degree, can you not work FT, he become a sahd and do some decorating when you are around?

It sounds as though you are clutching at straws, but it also sounds as though you have made your mind up to go. I wish you well.

I sympathise, I do. It sounds horrid.

A few things -

• please see what else you might be entitled to, as others have said.

• please, PLEASE also really research Australia. I KNOW you have said you have - but I've read about three threads on here AND know friends of friends (in a similarly generally lower -paid bracket) who have been very badly stung. All said the same - yes wages are higher, it all sounds much better but it ISN'T, and there are LOTS of hidden costs and the cost of living is ASTRONOMICAL compared to here even in more out of the way places. The real sting is that the move there and back costs SO much it can wipe you out. PLEASE do more reading- maybe start a thread on that??

• what are you applying for? The first thing I'd think is that with a higher level of quals YOU need to be the one applying for full-time, better paid jobs and your DH do the childcare! Why is this not happening?! Of ALL the jobs, surely the ad-hoc nature of his (piecemeal) job means that YES he could be the one doing dropoffs etc.?? YES he could work school hours! I would be seriously unimpressed if his answer to that was ooooh it would never work, sometimes I've got a job on at 8, etc. No. Needs must. Frankly, if I was employing a decorator who told me that he'd have to leave at 3 to pick up the kids, my estimation of his trustworthiness and general usefuless as a person would probably go up...This needs to be looked at as a solution. It could even allow you to start training.

• Long term, is he thinking of branching out/retraining? Could he look for 9-5 work which paid better? Not easy I know - but another main avenue that you should be exploring.

It's such a shame about your Mum and sisters :( As things seem to have changed with them would you consider really talking to them about how you are feeling? Especially your Mum.

You sound tired, angry & very frustrated.

A lot of people here are just trying to help, not because they don't believe that you believe what you are saying, but because seemingly the facts don't add up - you don't seem to be getting the benefits you are entitled to given your situation.

I know you know this - but really think about it. It's very different visiting a country than it is living in a country and although you aren't currently close to your family here, it's fecking hard to be 12,000 miles away from them when something goes wrong for them, especially your Mum. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, but it's easy when you are pissed off to do it in a bit of a 'fuck you world' way, but when reality hits it's a lot harder.

I think the point about Sky is that with freesat, you can get almost as much for nothing as you can by paying Sky £20/30 pm or whatever it is.

So if you don't have it, you still get 80/90% of the channels, but have an extra £20/30 to spend on something more interesting/varied. No-one is suggesting that the OP has no TV at all and is expected to stare at 4 walls for entertainment.

Oh right, fair enough re Sky. Never had it. Don't even know if we get it down here in the Italian boondocks!

Look there are some details I'm not revealing here as they could out me.

But suffice to say we would have a lot of support in Oz. The cost of moving is covered.

We know the expense out there...we know the country well...my Mum is the matriarch but she never organises anything.

I've tried...I've said "Why don't we all get together one weekend at X pub for lunch? and nobody wants to.

I've grown tired of catching 2 buses to visit my sister when she doesn't reciprocate.

My degree is in the arts. Jobs which would utilize it are like hens teeth.

If you cant get life to work for you in a country where you know the culture, the system and how it works, what makes you think it would be easier in foreign lands?

If your husband is unable to work out how to find better paid employment, marketing himself and his skills here, where he has a network, what makes you think he will be able to do so when starting from scratch abroad?

And you? How will living in Australia really make YOUR life and the choices you make any different?

Have you ever visited Australia? I would be worried about making such a big move if you don't have the finances to come back home. And if you do need to come back home then there will be no council flat avalible.

Have you totalled up what the living costs would be? Only using your DH wages since you have no guarantee of a job.
Schooling
Healthcare
Electricity
Tax
Car or transport costs. Outside of the city you are going to need a car.
Weekly food shop and household items
Costs of housing rental & mortgage because you don't want to be tied to the house that comes with the job.

Then look at the extras like cost of clothes and luxuries and what it costs for a family day trip.
Look at the current Australian Goverment and the issues going on at the moment I'm not sure its much better than our own. Especially when it comes to respecting minorities.

Compare like for like between both countries to see if it really improves your situation. You might end up with a nicer house but if you are not better off is it really worth it?

Ok, just read he wont be working as a decorator in Oz.

Why cant he do a career change here? Why must he go across the planet to do so?

OP, I live about a 45 minute drive from Cheshire. My (excellent) decorator often does jobs there because he can charge a hell of a lot more there, (and believe me he charges me quite a lot. If your DH has a decent level of skill then he should be earning a lot more than minimum wage.

My decorator is also solidly booked up; you have at least a month's wait before he can schedule in a job.

And I have to add that most of the time he was working for me, he left at the time I left to pick up my kids from school; didn't want to be working while my kids were at home. That could fit in with you getting a full time job.

Op says she has been on holiday there twice (how could you afford it, if you dont mind me asking?) so she knows the culture and is making an informed choice, littlebairn.

It sounds like you need one of you to earn more money and from what you've said your DH would be doing that in a different job in Oz.

So if he can get a different job in Oz is he not able to do so here, has he tried? It seems a long way to go just to up your income. Or is it actually that you really have had enough and just want an overall change?