AIBU to think that this country is doing my family no favours?

[TiredOfItAllNow]

I've NC. as it's all a bit personal.

I'm so tired of the struggle to get some decent standard of living in this country.

We are so poor.

We live in a 2 bed council flat, DH works very hard, full time in a non-safe job...he's a decorator.

I work part time because I can't seem to get another job which would work with school and we just can't see how we'd afford any childcare...I was hoping to get a 2nd job which might fit in with my first and with school but it's not happening.

We can barely make ends meet. We never go out anywhere...no days out, all my clothes are 2nd hand and the DCs are always bought in sales or 2nd hand.

Something unexpeced like a school book fair can arse up my finances for two weeks....I know the DC don't HAVE to go to the book fair and buy a book but you tell that to your children who never have a new toy unless it's a special occasion and whose entire library is 2nd hand.

And we work! Why shouldn't we have enough money to buy our children a book!

What's gone wrong that everything is so expensive?

We don't have any luxuries, I'm very good at cooking from scratch and all meals are cheap...we have some kind of meat once a week ffs! Because it's too expensive otherwise.

Some days there's no food other than pasta, flour and basics...I don't buy frozen food much as our firdge is tiny and the frozen compartment just about fits a bag of peas and a box of fishfingers in it.

I read on here about people booking to go to Christmas parks and going shopping for this and that and I just get disheartened.

We have the opportunity to move to Australia next year. DH has been offered a job...I told my sister and she was all "You can't be that poor...you earn alright money"

We don't! She couldn;'t be happy that we had a chance to get out of this horrible, tiny flat...

I think you should go to oz. I agree that on the face of it your finances don't stack up but suspect, like most people in your situation, it's related to debt repayments. Moving to oz would give you the added advantage of leaving these behind.

I'm sure you've thought of this but you would almost certainly be unable to come back- you won't get all the subsidised living you enjoy now again- so it's a big decision

I don't think it has anything to do with one country offering you more than another.

It's not typical to be offered a move to Australia with free accommodation, all moving costs paid and a well-paid job despite having no qualifications. It sounds like you have someone on your side down there (who possibly paid for your previous trips?)

But seeing as that is the situation, you may as well go for it. Just make sure you have enough money to move back if you don't like it. It costs about 10k to do an international move.

GO FOR IT!!
Too many pros and cons to list. GO.

I just don't 'get' your predicament and I have been in a situation where I was claiming benefits and had very little.
You get out of life what you put in. Why are you not applying for more jobs using your degree? It's unlikely the co op would take you on as a shop assistant (my mum is one) but why not something else.
You say little about your partner/ husband? Although I sympathise with your lack of cash (single mum, three boys, rent double yours) I don't see any ambition or drive in your post.
Why are you allowing yourself to live that way if it makes you unhappy?

If the question was AIBU to want to move to Australia, on the info given here, I think it would be a resounding YANBU. As the question was AIBU to think the UK is doing me no favours, I think the answer is YABU - the UK has given you opportunities and it's up to you to maximise them, it's not up to the gvernment to find you a house with a garden, and on the face of your post it doesn't stack up as to why your life seems so deprived. I moved to London aged 24 with 2000 pounds and found a job and a flat and made a decent life for myself there with my degree & 2 years' work experience under my belt (and no family support or financial backing). There are definitely opportunities in the UK I don't live in the UK now btw but I wouldn't leave the UK for Australia unless there were compelling reasons as to why life there would be better (in your case it sounds like there may be). Having travelled to Australia on holiday many times (Sydney, Melbourne, Brisband/GC) my observation is that anywhere you'd want to live to enjoy the lifestyle benefits is astronomically expensive, even in comparison to London.

Completely agree with some other posters re stuff not adding up.
Cant afford to live but went to Oz on holiday. Well fine someone paid. Not sure how many people get a free holiday including about 3k flights.
He works cash in hand but pays tax?
Surely then he would be just being paid in cash (in hand implies no tax paid)
It is surely a temporary situation as the kids will be in secondary and you could go full time making much more money.
It does point to better careers advice before people bother working for a degree.
I too dont understand how you could be struggling so much yet not entitled to HB.
I assume you are not earning enough to pay tax which makes working much more worthwhile.
It is lovely having a garden - but it doesnt sound like yoh could afford it - lawnmover, cutting hedge, maintenance and if you owned a house property maintenance.
I would forsake the garden for such low rent, guaranteed.

I can see there is an issue with people expected to buy stuff at school, pay sponsorships etc all these unexpected extras.
I wouldnt buy books there though.
99% of DDs books are from the charity shop 5 for £1 etc. or the book people.
I too dont have sky (maybe if both working ft you wouldnt need it)
It is a luxury item.

£150-400 a year could be spent better.
I mean that could be working for 3 or more weeks just to pay for it.
I agree its all very well getting 'free' stuff like school/ nhs etc but if the quality is so poor you end up going private for both you are paying so much. Especially as we are actually paying for this stuff in tax anyway. I can understand wanting to escape and pay for things you want directly.

OP, your husband is now working cash in hand on an as and when basis, is that right? So he doesn't have a full time job at all.

If he is declaring cash in hand work, he is only allowed to keep a fraction of it before other benefits are reduced, housing benefit, job seekers whatever. If he isnt working legally is the OP even entitled to working families tax credit as one partner has to do 24 hours I believe before the family is entitled, or a combination of 30 hours. So if between them they don't muster up 30 hours would they be entitled to working tax credit. Something isn't quite adding up here. Perhaps this is the reason for the deprivation.

It isn't this country's fault that you don't have enough in this case. You needed to plan ahead and find some sort of employment, whether that be your husband changing roles and increasing his legal working hours or yourself doing something positive. I don't really see ambition if I'm honest. Its not easy, granted, especially when you have children, but if you've been doing the park thing for 10 years, you obviously have an older child which is easier to work round than a baby.

If you do go to Australia, bear in mind you'll never afford to come back, effectively depriving yourself of all family connections.

I'm also a bit baffled as to how a poorly paid decorator in the UK would be offered a good job with cheap accommodation and all air fares paid in Oz, not sure how he would be granted a visa as he's unskilled even if family are paying and putting them up.

It does sound highly unlikely. Do you have concrete guarantees that you won't end up stranded over there with no way to live or even get home?

Maybe he is Australian himself?

Have you posted about emigrating to Australia before OP? Working for the family firm and staying in a house owned by family?

Are you happy the offer doesn't come with strings attached that may change how attractive it is, or is it the possiblity of strings that's making you stop and think and trying to persuade yourself. Because otherwise I can't see why you wouldn't just try it?

I strongly suspect that Op's dh is Australian and her in laws are willing to pay to get him home to work in the family business.

As far as I can see it is a good plan (especially if your in laws are likely to be supportive and provide you with the family you crave.

However, there are three risks:-

1. If you want to come back to the Uk will you be able to afford to? Ie flights, shipping costs etc?
2. once you give up your council flat you probably will never get another if you did want to go back to the Uk.
3. If you and your dh were to split up then the kids may be deemed as "habitually resident" in Australia and so you would be unable to leave with them.

Personally, in your shoes I would go unless I had doubts about my relationship with dh.

Oooh - cross post Gala.

I posted at 2pm that I assumed the OPs DH was Australian and although she came back to the thread she declined to comment , I don't see that there is any other explanation for the free holidays and job offer etc .

Would they then get free health care?

I wouldn't class your husband's job as full-time if it is casual cash in hand and he doesn't always have work on. That's where your numbers are not adding up.

Thinking more about this thread I'm a bit baffled as to what a country should offer its citizens that the UK hasn't offered the OP. As far as I can see the OP has got an education for herself & for her kids (at school level at least - I accept that tertiary education will cost money but that's the same outside the UK as well), healthcare, government subsidised accommodation (I assume that's what a council flat is?) and opportunities for employment enough to maintain a basic standard of living. Surely that's all a country is required to provide? I realise a basic standard of living is not very nice, but anything beyond that is gravy that you need to sort out for yourself? I tend to lean left of centre, I'm geninely not being nasty about this, but I think there a limit to what you can expect the state to provide.

I live outside the UK and although we have a public health system, I pay $50 (approx 25 quid) every time I visit the GP, I'm still paying off a student loan (equivalent of 35,000 pounds for 2 degrees + professional qualifications), we live in our own home but with a whopping mortgage (our city is monstrously over-valued akin to London levels), no govt assistance. I think the OP is getting more from her Govt than I've got from mine and yet I think I've been lucky to habe been born where I was and the OP seems to think she is entited to more. I's what you make of it, surely? DH & I have a nice middle class, not flash, standard of life and I accept we were both lucky to be born with decent brains and good health, but none of it's come as a result of govt or family assistance (except to the extent that we were fed & read to and packed off to school etc, which the OP is doing for her kids and presumably (?) had done for her).

Something doesn't really add up op.
you have one full time and a part time wage coming in. Child benefit x2. Tax credits, working tax credits and accommodation which i am imagining would be no more than 600PCM but you wont say how much it is.
Adding in council tax and bills i don't really understand how you can be in the predicament of only eating meat once a week and not being able to afford £1 for a book.
my rent is the same as yours, there is one wage coming in and i can still afford treats\days away

No Gennz a council flat is not government subsidised accommodation.

Sorry that's my misunderstanding then - why is it cheaper then?

Because it is classed as a social rent and tends to be capped . At least that is my understanding within housing associations

Gennz to all intents and purposes you're right. The rent isn't market rate.

I have nothing useful to add.
But if you want to move then go for it. My brother is in Australia and loves it. No children though si him and his wife work hard and play hard.

Oh and all I've been thinking of rwading this thread (especially when a pp posted about the sharks and jelly fish) is this song.

Australia

As an Australian who works in the UK I always find the myth that Australia is some utopian high wage country quite misguided. The truth is that menial labour jobs pay more because there is a shortage of these type of employees and therefore consequently they can command a higher wage.

Purely from a work perspective as soon as you have a qualification or technical skill the UK, Europe, and North America have many more opportunities, its also lovely being able to live in a little village but then only a short drive and you are in a number of big cities/towns.

If I had to list what I would miss from either place that didn't involve work I would say; from Australia it would be the beach and New Years Eve in the hot weather, from the UK it would be Englishness, cosy atmosphere, Autumn trees and Spring flowers.

council flat is not government subsidised accommodation

If the rent is not full market rate then surely that is a subsidy?
I don't understand how it's not subsidised - not saying you're wrong, but I thought the whole point of them was to provide subsidised accommodation?