AIBU to think that this country is doing my family no favours?

[TiredOfItAllNow]

I've NC. as it's all a bit personal.

I'm so tired of the struggle to get some decent standard of living in this country.

We are so poor.

We live in a 2 bed council flat, DH works very hard, full time in a non-safe job...he's a decorator.

I work part time because I can't seem to get another job which would work with school and we just can't see how we'd afford any childcare...I was hoping to get a 2nd job which might fit in with my first and with school but it's not happening.

We can barely make ends meet. We never go out anywhere...no days out, all my clothes are 2nd hand and the DCs are always bought in sales or 2nd hand.

Something unexpeced like a school book fair can arse up my finances for two weeks....I know the DC don't HAVE to go to the book fair and buy a book but you tell that to your children who never have a new toy unless it's a special occasion and whose entire library is 2nd hand.

And we work! Why shouldn't we have enough money to buy our children a book!

What's gone wrong that everything is so expensive?

We don't have any luxuries, I'm very good at cooking from scratch and all meals are cheap...we have some kind of meat once a week ffs! Because it's too expensive otherwise.

Some days there's no food other than pasta, flour and basics...I don't buy frozen food much as our firdge is tiny and the frozen compartment just about fits a bag of peas and a box of fishfingers in it.

I read on here about people booking to go to Christmas parks and going shopping for this and that and I just get disheartened.

We have the opportunity to move to Australia next year. DH has been offered a job...I told my sister and she was all "You can't be that poor...you earn alright money"

We don't! She couldn;'t be happy that we had a chance to get out of this horrible, tiny flat...

Working families with children just aren't that poor. I know that from my job.

OP - do you have tax credits? If not, why not?

Or - are you paying off debt? If so, get debt advice.

Your standard of living sounds pretty normal for the skills level you and your DH work at and the fact that one of you works part-time. I've lived in Germany, France, Ireland, the UK and now the US and I can say with confidence that your family's standard of living wouldn't be any better in any of those countries, give or take.

You're struggling because neither you nor your DH have skills that anyone is willing to pay you a lot of money for. I'm not sure why you think your country should be 'doing something' for you.

Stand on your own two feet and try to improve your own life rather than expecting the government to help you. If emigrating is the answer then go for that by all means. We have moved around a lot and now live in a part of the world that is optimum for our skill level and where we earn a lot more than in the UK. We're in a globalized world so if you can take advantage of that to get a better life then you should.

YABU, the country doesn't owe you any favours. Why do you think it does?

You already have state housing, free education and health care and work part time. If you are struggling money wise, then why have two children before you were financially settled. Lots of families have both adults working full time, being able to work just a few hours in school time is a luxury.

The Australian thing doesn't make sense, to pay for somebody to relocate, house them for a year and give them a job that's different from what they are currently doing doesn't make sense. If they are that good, they would be doing it here.

The Australian thing doesn't make sense, to pay for somebody to relocate, house them for a year and give them a job that's different from what they are currently doing doesn't make sense. If they are that good, they would be doing it here.

Hmmm, yes-that's true! Usually companies that pay for you to move over really want you and you're usually on pretty good money over here?

great post by ammicissimma

OP - when DH started the business it was very hard. A reverse situation if you will, as he had a good salary and chose to half it. He knew he could do better and that he didn't want to work for anyone else. We still had the same outgoings as we had had on double the salary.

We used to get to the end of the month and think ourselves over the moon if we could afford a take out pizza between us, it didn't happen every month believe me. DS had three pairs of jogging bottoms and 3 tops, DD (a baby) had my friends DD hand me downs and nothing else.

It got better, through many many hours of slogging his guts out and being away from his family, travel and more slog I have made career choices to support his decision. He's bi-polar, it isn't always easy, he's frequently exhausted, even now the business is successful.

I wonder why your husband doesn't go self employed? A few folk have asked/suggested this, but you haven't answered? Also, you have a degree, so re-training would be an option?

It's a bit of a waffle really, but, if you don't mind me saying so, there have been some thoughtful and detailed posts, which you have chosen to ignore, and filter to back up your situation.

Whether you go to Australia is entirely up to you, good luck in whatever you do. But I guess there's a whole lot more you can do yourself I think to change your situation here.

Lastly, I look back to the times when money was so tight. I don't think about how draining that was. I actually remember walking to the local park most days with the kids and some sandwiches. The DC remember the same

Daisy Maybe it's in-laws providing money and accommodation if there is a move back?

OP good luck to you whatever you do. Purely financial wise: Just make sure that before committing, you've made a budget plan and checked everything in terms of affordability. My friend decided to go there and live with his mum who'd moved years before. They both thought to have done all the maths but when the reality hit his money only lasted 6 months and he struggled.

He lives out there still now but it's much more of a struggle and he didn't think to take unforeseeable things into account buy making sure he had an excess of cash per month so make sure you do have an excess and aren't on the breadine. He ended up having an emergency appendectomy and because it burst on him he ended up paying for an ambulance too then lost wages as a result, then struggled with everything. So be sure to have an overflow of cash in case your husband loses his job or has to do less hours or one of you becomes ill.

For me, had the question been 'AIBU to consider a move to Australia in order to improve our family life?' The answer would have been 'give it a go'.
I take exception to the attitude that two part time workers should expect more from their country or actually tax payers to enable them to have a house with a garden and money left over at the end of the month for luxuries.
Further up thread I asked questions and made suggestions, along with many other posters, which have simply been ignored. Truth hurts?

Not sure why OP posted here. She has obviously decided to go.

Ah well, frees up a council flat and leaves more money in the coffers for others.

Yanbu, however I dont understand why your dh isn't making more money. I thought Cheshire was a wealthy county? Could he set up as self employed and go flyering streets in wealthy areas? I live in London and decorators charge about £200 per day, lots have relocated across Europe due to the work available.

If you would prefer Australia though, go for it!

If you're going to have a better quality of life in Australia then go for it.

A lot of things are more expensive than in the UK. A friend lived there for a year and was stunned at the prices of a lot of food products.

Where in Australia would you be moving to?

OP are you applying for jobs at coop and the like with your degree in your CV ? If so that's probably why you aren't getting anywhere.

toooldtobearsed ,you have summed the thread up beautifully .

What hours does your DH do? If he's a decorator then he could surely find additional work or a more regular income stream.

What will he do in Oz that he can't do here?

OP - you have stated that DH only works casually for a small firm, cash in hand.

That sounds like he's not working full time for at least NMW. If that is the case. WHY isn't he?

The responsibility for providing for your children and yourselves is yours - not "the country's" (i.e everyone else).

I know I'll be flamed, but I think you need to stop blaming others for a poor lifestyle that is, after all, YOUR CHOICE.

Good God there's some really vile posts on this thread

The Australian thing doesn't make sense, to pay for somebody to relocate, house them for a year and give them a job that's different from what they are currently doing doesn't make sense.

It does if it's family or friends.

Add message | Report | Message poster amicissimma Wed 12-Nov-14 16:34:29
Your question is: "AIBU to think that this country is doing my family no favours?"

The country has provided you with education for your and your DCs, free at point of use, healthcare for you and your DCs, free at point of use, secure reduced-cost accommodation, ensures that you have access to clean safe water, and power, and that your sewage is removed promptly. Your country provides military protection from invasion, police to try to prevent you from being a victim of crime and try to sort it if you are, a fire service should your house catch fire. It provides financial support if your income is below a certain level.

You are offered the chance to vote at regular intervals if you don't like the way it is governed (although, being a democracy, if the majority disagree with you, you have to put up with a different government to what you prefer). This country ensure you are free to express yourself as you wish (within reason), wear what you wish, go where you wish (subject to you providing funds to do so) and to worship or not as you wish.

What do you think, OP? Are you being unreasonable to think this country is doing your family no favours?"

Very good post. OP you also have a degree, presumably before you had to pay tuition fees? So you've had quite a lot from the state over the years (as I said, I think this is a GOOD thing and how it should be, but at least be grateful for what you have had). I get you want a garden and a bigger home, but you've got a secure roof over your heads, enough money for your needs, (maybe not wants but needs!), inc food (and if you're asking your family to come out for a pub lunch you do have the means to go out at least occasionally), you have DH and DCs, presumably you have no huge health worries if you can emigrate. You're not doing badly at all in all the MAJOR, basic, important things.

Yep, your subsequent posts have confirmed my thoughts, that you don't know how lucky you are. You really really don't.

OP I hope you've stopped reading the thread, and decided to go.

why would you stay anywhere you're miserable? And that includes moving to Australia, if you don't like it, move!

But I am someone who happily travels and lives in different countries. I would
absolutely hate it if I had to stay in the one country and was constantly told 'I didn't appreciate how good it was'

And to the poster who said OP sounded spoilt for wanting a garden. Really?! You sound a bit like mean tbh.

OMG yes...the OP has paid for all that stuff in her taxes, free at point of use being the clue.

OP you should feel so fucking lucky to feel so miserable in this country. You really should (according to so many posters!)

OMG yes...the OP has paid for all that stuff in her taxes, free at point of use being the clue

With two chikdren, one part time job, one cash in hand part time casual job and a degree pre tuition fees I hardly think the OP is going to be a net contributor to the tax system.

It's not about feeling lucky (although I think anyone with a British Passport is). it's about accepting that this country actually does quite a lot for most people and that if you want more you have to figure out a way of getting it - not blaming the country.

And OP has, she's leaving.

The OP really doesnt make sense. Has a massive chip on her shoulder about things she feels she is entitled to but sadly doesn't get. So her DH can get a new job as a decorator in OZ whist working cash in hand, really?

She also doesn't live in the ?E. Stop whining about your lot in life and do something about it, or go to OZ and see if you have a better standard if living....

I'm really not being mean, just I'm rather confused. OP doesn't make much sense.
One full time job, one part time, no childcare costs, no car, rent on a small council flat in the north of england......and can't afford meat more than once a week or anything else? I struggle to believe this. There has to be sigificant debts or child maintenance to another family or something?

(And no I'm not saying this from an ivory tower but from a very similar position and a lot of experience of having very little money)

Really it's not so much about what you have in the UK, but that you have apparently been offered an opportunity in Australia which anyone would be lucky to get in any country. A well paying job, coming from a background of unreliable minimum wage work, free accommodation for a year and free flights. That is a completely amazing offer and one most people in the UK or Australia will never get.