To be offended by the lack of support for my hobby from DH?

[brandis]

I am in my 30s and a few years ago took up dancing. We don't get paid but we shoot videos and stage shows in professional theatres with people paying to come and watch us dance. Not to mention that it is incredibly rewarding as dancing has been my long-time ambition and I worked hard to get into that dance group as it's selective. We all are about the same age there.

The problem is my DH doesn't take my hobby seriously at all. He is not happy when we have weekend rehearsals as it means that he has to ferry two DC to different activities. He never asks how I am doing in my classes and never takes pictures when he comes to my shows. When I come out into the foye after the show his words are "Can we go home yet"? It is painful to see my fellow dancers being hugged by their DPs with "You looked so amazing" and "What a great show!"

I guess DH just doesn't believe it's anything special and cannot fake excitement for me when he doesn't feel it. Am I really expecting too much? He makes a bigger deal out of our DD's dancing achievements.

Chewbecca, I only did 3 live shows so far. I would say it's not much of an effort on his part and I do expect him to come.

I think there are some unpleasantly sneery comments about amateur dancing here. As well as the idea that women in their 30s should have hobbies and interests.

Well I think YANBU. Even if he finds it a bit boring, can he really not be excited for you twice a year? Can he not just be happy that you're happy?

My DH has a pretty boring hobby but he's really into it and I get very excited for him when they have tournaments and stuff. I think it's sweet.

I'm with the op here. Surely it's normal to take an interest in and be supportive about your partners hobby/interest, even if it's not something you personally enjoy?
My ex husband was (and still is) into fishing. I thought it was boring, I still went with him now and again, chatted about it with him, watched fishing programmes on TV and bought him fishing related presents.

On the subject of DH's supporting DD's dancing.

DH isn't really the kind to support the effort in general, he is result-oriented and much more focused on academics. I am the one who organises DC's extracurriculars and they take up way more time than my hobby. I guess with DC, DH feels he has to bear it as they are young and who knows what might come out of it. But he is not the kind to come and watch DD at the end of term show at her ballet school and he rarely goes to DS's football matches. I do all of that.

And yes, I am an adult and his wife, not his daughter. But who else will say to me "well done", if not him? My own parents have passed away.

However, come to think of it, both my DC are always asking questions about my dancing, bless them. It feels nice. :)

Well, exactly how is he making a bigger deal out of your daughters dancing if he doesn't go to shows but goes to yours? That makes zero sense

TripTrap, DH goes to DD's shows when they are in theatres, about 2 times a year. We both also make an effort to attend Christmas performances at her school. But at her ballet school they also do an open class where parents can come and watch, at the end of every term. DH never goes to them, which is fine as long as at least I can come as it's important for DD.

Making a bigger deal means asking how she feels before the big day, talking about it at breakfast, congratulating her afterwards, taking pictures during the show.

But she's his daughter. I understand you wanting someone to do the same for you and mentioning your parents having passed away says,to me, you just want someone to be proud (although, realistically your parents quite likely wouldn't have gone to watch you either) and that's understandable. BUT you are an adult, you shouldn't need a pat on the back for doing something you enjoy.

I'm sorry but I still don't see why a grown woman needs her husband to be proud of her and congratulate her on being involved in a hobby.
That may sound callous but no way would I expect my dh to do this.
If it is your profession then that is different and that isn't a sneer just an observation as both dh and myself have been/ dh still is professional in the entertainment and music industry.
I don't see your problem tbh, he seems like he supports you well, attends your shows, looks after the kids etc.
I really think you should look within as to why you are involved with this group, if it was to impress your dh and for him and others to be proud then it clearly hasn't worked.
If it was for you, then don't be upset at your dh not being over joyed.

I wouldn't expect my DH to show any interest if that was my hobby particularly if he'd had to spend the day looking after our DC to facilitate it. Similarly, if his hobby was football, I wouldn't be too keen at having to go and watch it.

I love to sing and over the years have sung in all sorts of choirs from local choral societies (fair to good), a really good chamber choir (very hard work) and theatre groups (some good, some more of a fun community feel.) DH will come to shows if I ask him but I don't - he doesn't get it, wouldn't enjoy it and would be there out of duty. In the same way, I haven't watched him do his hobby for years because I find it utterly utterly tedious.

What is important is that we each love our own hobbies/ pastimes, and give each other the time and space to take part. We support our DC in all their activities (and have both sat through some mind numbingly bad performances in the past) but we are both adults and quite frankly don't require high levels of adulation from each other for doing what is a fun luxury.

OP, I totally agree with you. I am amazed by the responses on here, mainly because in most couples I know, it is the man whose hobby takes up lots of time and energy. My husband really supports my work, this means showing an interest, asking me questions, telling me I look great if I go somewhere important, just being on my side. It's not about the time (although going twice a year is hardly demanding)- it's about being behind your partner as they achieve their dreams. I am behind him too, both in his hobbies and in his work.

The only time this is not true is if one of us thinks the other one shouldn't do something or it's taking too much time or clashing with each other timetable wise- in which case we would address this directly, not put a face on when attending a performance. He's trying to tell you something with this passive aggressive crap- I'm sure he could look enthusiastic when faced with a fit attractive wife, but he chooses not to- I'd ask him directly what he has to say on the matter.

TripTrap, my Mum would of course have come to watch me (really confused now as to why she understandably wouldn't). We spend a year preparing for a 1,5 hour show. And even grown ups need a pat on the back now and then. Sometimes actually even more so than children.

I go to my mum's events a couple of times a year. I agree it is boring if you have to attend something every weekend and i wouldn't do that, but I think twice a year is nothing to support your partner. I wouldn't find it boring to watch dancers anyway.

I hear you brandis and for what it's worth YANBU. He is showing support by coming to see you but i know what you mean by wanting him to be a bit more enthusiastic and verbal.

I would be very hurt if my husband was so off-hand about something I was passionate about. I do get that people find other peoples interests tedious, but it is lovely to receive support and encouragement from your partner. My husband's is the first face I look for in the crowd when he comes to support me when I do my activity. He know that so he is always there. It is nice

Hairtoday, he does take pride in my looking young, fit, etc, compliments me and is always keen to demonstrate his appreciation in no uncertain terms. :) All he says is that I should better stay at home with and do something with the children rather than go to my class which at 8 pm and 1-2 times a week. I genuinely don't understand why he is so hung up on spending more time with the children when that's pretty much all I do when I am not working.

YANBU Op, off topic love your name is it after a particular actor?

Brandis A huge amount of parents (probably most) don't go to watch their 30 something year old kids perform in stuff like this. Just like they rarely go to choir performances or other things like it

Thanks :) not at all, which actor do you mean?

Jonathan Brandis? Just sprang to mind

Tsoukalosy, never heard of him before. Was a cute boy.

What type of dancing?

Weird replies!

I think he sounds awful! Why can't he bring himself to attend your dd's open classes or take an interest in your dancing? I can definitely see why it's upsetting! As your husband he should be supportive of you and the things that matter to you- it's rude and unkind that he should be this way.

Could you have an open and honest discussion with him about it all?