To be green with envy at women whose partners cook

[CinnamonBuns]

Not a TAAT but just read the veggie Christmas thread about the husband who cooks a three course meal from scratch

My partner has never even made me
a sandwich in 5 years :(

So pissed off at having to cook every fucking meal. If I say, no you're cooking tonight, he'll order a takeaway which I don't really like.

I didn't think it was a big deal when we were dating that he didn't cook but 5 years down the line I'm sick of it.

WAAAH!

My DH couldn't cook when we met. We were teenagers (fwiw) and he learnt a bit before we moved in together / got hitched, from a (male, if it matters) housemate, and from me. He had a Mary Berry cookbook in the early days of our marriage to expand his culinary repertoire and swore by it. It was incredibly simplistic but good for those who lack confidence and want everything spelt out. Although it seems there may be more to this than lack of a decent cookbook, if he wants to learn, it would help!

Have to admit DH does almost all the cooking in our house, it evens out though as I do all the laundry. I'd probably prefer to split it 50:50 (hate laundry and he enjoys cooking) but it didn't work for us, much clearer to just have a defined job.

On the upside it means when I come down from settling DS I can flop on the sofa and wait to be served

Me three!

Are we supposed to feel sorry for you thestandingjoke?

Talkin - I bought him the Jamie Oliver book for beginners, with really basic but good food - shepherd pie etc. He was excited to try but things just go back into a routine.

I'll let you know how the talk goes.

I want to be served!

I think as I've got older, I've grown and changed and now know what I need. I also need looking after and nurturing.

Cinnamon
I suspect that its a two way problem : you say that you enjoy playing with recipes.
He knows that whatever he does will be beginner nosh compared with what you can create
and in classic man style would rather not do it at all rather than be worse than you
SO
agree with him which meals you are having for the week, and which ones he will cook - out of the book - the simplest meal first
you get the ingredients
and then when he is cooking, make yourself scarce from the kitchen - so that you cannot even raise an eyebrow when he does things wrong - and allow an extra 40% into the cooking time as he'll take longer than you would to make the same dish
and then
PRAISE HIM
galling as it is, you have to build his confidence to feel that he can cook as well as you
once you have achieved that, life will get better

Oh, and do the washing up together planning forwards to the next meal

He empties the bins and hoovered once. He's made you one sandwich.
He likes it tidy. You are at home all day.

Ok.

So basically you're the housekeeper?

I hate cooking. I would happily do all cleaning and laundry in return for never having to cook again. But i'm single so i've no choice other than to starve myself and the children. I do cheat and have frozen pizza on saturdays that ds1 (9) knows how to 'cook'. He can do pasta bake with a jar too cause that is pretty idiot proof and that is always enough for two meals for us so really he does 3 evening meals. (With a bit of supervision) Wow- i didnt even realise that until this thread. Now i just need to train ds2 to do 3 and the dog to do 1 and i'm sorted

I hope you do let us know how it goes. I can't imagine how he can refuse. He's got a good day's warning for a start.

My DH is a competent cook - and probably way more creative than I am. But bloody hell it takes forever - I once watched a whole episode of EastEnders in the time it took him to arrange some mushrooms on a pizza (I'm not exaggerating - that did happen). Life is just too damn short for DH to cook, so he washes up instead.

minty, no! I've told him off, and I've told him I'm not his maid. He does try this shit now and again but I always pull him up on it.

Ladies - can we come up with a suitably macho cookbook for OP to buy for her DH to turn him onto the right path Macho winter BBQs for lazy gits or the like ?

Tom Parker Bowles has a new cookbook out: Let's Eat Meat. Would that be suitably macho?

Hmmm
shame Tom Parker Bowles is not primarily known for his skill at cooking....
I like the Australian Womens weekly books
or the "8 ingredients or less" type stuff

then again I'm married to a man who is a FAB cook
and the daughter of a man whose motto was/is
"good cooks do not have empty beds"

Oh minty have some compassion for standing.

It's a difficult thing realising that you're just the thankless dinner lady / skivvy.

I don't mind cooking at all, but find the meal planning and grocery shopping most tedious as I work pt.

I'll cook anything that's brought back from the shops if I don't have to do all the planning.
For that reason we have the same things over a two week period, and DH is dispatched with a list more often than me as his clients' offices are closer to the grocery stores.

I like to have sous chefs, and have everyone in the kitchen with me chopping and draining etc. makes mealtimes more of a group effort and everyone eats up.

DH makes very 'interesting' experimental meals... And some truely disgusting ones- mounds of mince beef and baked beans for eg.

By watching me, he knows how to do the basics and he likes cooking from scratch. he gets a bit stroppy if the dcs are dawdling and don't come to the table when he's dished up, and now understands why I used to get stressed!

I just couldn't live with a lazy, entitled slob. My DH went to boarding school, and spent time at sea so knows how to get things ship shape in short order.
My dad was in the armed forces so things were pretty well run when I was a child too.

TOP TIP
Well polished shoes ime are a big indicator of someone who likes things neat and organised, and who chips in.

coffeeslave I lived alone for five years so I would fit your bill. We shared the housework until DS was born and she became SAHM, and never went back to work, since when I am not ashamed at doing less of it than she does - any heavy work being always my pigeon.

In 35 years of marriage unfortunately DW has had several spells in hospital and when she comes out she finds the place in apple-pie order. She would be rightly pissed off if it wasn't, but at the same time I always sense a slight tang of disappointment that it hasn't ground to a halt in her absence. Anybody recognise that feeling and willing to admit to it?

Well polished shoes ime are a big indicator of someone who likes things neat and organised, and who chips in.
Maybe in certain office bound circles, but polished hiking boots would look pretty odd

Andrew
When my Mum was in hospital, her unreconstructed husband was very proud of having found where loo roll was stored ....

Good grief this makes me so sad. I do most of the cooking in our house but that's because it fits better with our schedules (I finish work two hours earlier, so it makes sense that I do most evening meals). But fuck if I'm going to do everything else! I tend to clean bathroom/kitchen as it being messy bothers me more, but he'll vac, do bins, tidy around, change the bed etc. All the stuff I dislike doing.

I just couldn't imagine living with someone who does fuck all. Talk to these men and tell them they're living in a dream world and need to give their heads a shake. Or just stop doing stuff for them... I'm sure they'll pick up on it soon enough.

There's a big difference between 'He doesn't cook' and he never makes you breakfast, lunch, soup or beans on toast (even when you are ill). This isn't about cooking - this is about him caring.

TalkinPeace Did he marry direct from living under Mummy's wing?

My DH does all the cooking. I fecking hate it. I obviously missed the feeding gene as after a year of breastfeeding each dc I was done with feeding kids .

I am ambivalent towards food and kinda graze when I am hungry. Having dcs meant I had to remember to feed them at "meal" times.

DH was in the forces and detested the grub there. He'd come home and cook what he wanted to eat - he finds it relaxing. However he is a messy sod. Luckily I find cleaning relaxing .

I knew someone years ago who whilst really ill, before going into hospital, cooked loads of meals and froze them all with the days on for the duration of her stay and had to leave instructions for her husband, because he never cooked.
Then on her return she was expected to immediately start cooking again.
She could hardly stand up.

There are a couple of women on here who never cook but noone has called them lazy arses. Because if it works in the relationship for one person to cook, especially if they do it better, then that's okay. As long as they make it up in other ways. (For instance my DH cooks when he has to and when i work late i tell him what to cook for him and the kids. But he will clean the kitchen until it's gleaming and do a lot of Housework. etc And he would certainly feed me if i was ill.)

If OP, your partner doesn't lift a finger in pother ways then you really are being made a Mug of.

32 years of being the cook here.
That's because I enjoy cooking and I am good at it and he is not. I never wash up so much as a teaspoon as DH does all that.
Each to what they are best at. Other chores are shared and always have been.

My only condition is that when we do have a takeaway I don't choose it. I plan and choose every other meal and I want a surprise.
DS1 is shaping up to being a decent cook as well but DS2 capable but not so interested.

Avocadotoast. I hope I'm not living in a dream world. I would love the opportunity to cook for someone other than me. Even if it's a humble grill with chips. But I don't have
anyone. So it doesn't happen.

No don't be. DH decided to cook today, Chicken, potatoes and roasted veg. We have cremated chicken, raw potatoes and sludgy veg. And now it's obviously all my fault as he's feeling sorry for himself and 'I know he can't cook' .

o'clock I think.

I just don't understand how you go into a relationship without ensuring your partner is a fully functioning adult, who is capable of looking after themselves by cooking, cleaning, doing washing, paying their way. If you allow them to behave like a teen living at home, and compound it by having a child(ren) and doing all the care yourself, it's pointless complaining down the line.