To be green with envy at women whose partners cook

[CinnamonBuns]

Not a TAAT but just read the veggie Christmas thread about the husband who cooks a three course meal from scratch

My partner has never even made me
a sandwich in 5 years :(

So pissed off at having to cook every fucking meal. If I say, no you're cooking tonight, he'll order a takeaway which I don't really like.

I didn't think it was a big deal when we were dating that he didn't cook but 5 years down the line I'm sick of it.

WAAAH!

As a starry-eyed 20-something I married DH who does no "women's jobs" at all & doesn't do some "men's jobs" - I put out the bins as well as all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing-up, laundry etc etc. 25 years

rubyflipper I mean no disrespect to my DM's memory when I say that after she died and DSF looked after himself I are better in that house than before. He was a better cook. Ex-serviceman, used to looking after himself.

Dh will do toasties, toast and snacky things.

I cook the main meals.

And suff like this is why the madthings (4 of whom are boys) are learning to cook, clean, do laundry.. Basically run a household. I will NOT raise boys who are incompetent men! My 12 yr old cooks a mean chillI and ds1(15) can cook anything now. All the madthings are being brought up to pitch in and help around the house, I am not anyone's skivvy.

My FIL has never cooked a meal in his life. I have refused to start cooking for him when the time comes. He'll have to start buying m&s ready meals.

ruby, pretty much

and the sad thing is, many of those DIL's will do exactly that

Aww I do like a happy ending. Keep us updated

ruby, my grandad, never did anything for himself when my granny was alive, he manages now, he has a slow cooker and makes stew, there are 3 inches of what we call "permastew" at the bottom! He's still alive at 92, he must have built up an immunity!

omg @ permastew

If my DP didn't cook he wouldn't eat. Bless him.

permastew - ugh!

I taught my husband to cook a few years ago and he loves it! and I love it too one of the best things I have ever done for his benefit and mine ...he loves to eat and now he loves to cook...funnily enough my dad taught my mum to cook..

Yanbu DH is the same, He's a work in progress still

DH lived on his own or with a friend for 10 years before we got married. I think they mainly lived on things that could just be put in the oven plus peas if they were really cooking! When we were first married we had a rule that he cooked once a week eg curry or pasta bake with jar of sauce. But over the years it has just stopped. He will still very occasionally put a pasta bake in the oven if I am running late from work and call and ask him to but would never offer. So looking after himself pre-marriage doesn't mean it will continue.

He will also do fish fingers chips and beans for kids if he is in charge during school holidays and has been known to make me a piece of toast. If I'm out for evening I either buy him a pie to put in oven or come home to find he's had toast crisps and a yoghurt. I just don't think he's that interested in food!

He does though wash up most nights and do some other things like finances and DIY, so not completely useless but equally doesn't do as much as I would like (which would be equal share except for what I can get done in the 1.5 days off I have each week). He regularly tells me how lucky I am though as he knows men who do much less (and eg never pick up kids or have time off with them in hols). I've given up telling him that's not the point!

My DH can't cook at all, he is a disaster in the kitchen. He lived independently for 15 years before we met but his food prep was limited to heating tinned ravioli or making toast.

He gets so flustered and goes into panic filled meltdown mode if asked to cook. I've tried showing him, helping him etc. he just cannot do it.

If I'm unable to cook then he'll buy us a salad bowl or a takeaway.

But he's not not doing it cos he thinks it's my job, he's just no good at it! He'll happily do dishes, hoovering, bins, general cleaning etc. make endless mugs of tea...

@ permastew

I do the cooking in our house. It's because I'm a control freak when it comes to recipes. I'm not Cordon Bleugh (joke) material either. I taught my husband to make gravy and it's lovely. He prides himself on it. Basically when I've cooked a roast, it's his job to make the gravy. That probably sounds weird but hey !

The first time I set eyes on him he was eating lamb chops and vegetables, a meal he had cooked for himself. Basically, not eating out of a cardboard box. Believe it or not, I was impressed by his self care skills. I was looking at a man not a boy.

He's made me things to eat sometimes, if that's what I wanted, usually if I was unwell. Although asking for scrambled or boiled eggs is a lost cause as he doesn't eat eggs so he doesn't have any confidence cooking them !

When I had a job that meant I wasn't getting in until gone 6pm and he'd arrived home at 5.30pm he had made my sandwiches for me for the next day's lunch. He would have picked up what needed to be done with the evening meal i.e. if I had made a Bolognese sauce the previous day he would be cooking the spaghetti to go with it on the evening it was required. He would prepare vegetables to go with the casserole I had made whilst the casserole was re-heating. He's perfectly capable of cooking just about anything we eat. Although I'm usually in the kitchen already.

For the record, I'm perfectly capable of doing the ironing. However, I think I do it about, um, twice a year because the ironing is my husband's job.

DP cooks, I eat! He calls it his kitchen. Cauliflower-cheese, bubble and squeak, roast, pasta, you name it he does it. Nobody taught him, he just got into it as a young man and found that he liked messing around in the kitchen. Been doing it ever since . I tend to point to recipes in the Sunday papers and say Can you make this one please. And off he scurries.

Sadly he is a victim of his own success because I prefer his cooking to eating out, which tends to be a disappointing and expensive experience, as I'm veggie. Eating veg in a restaurant is particularly frustrating. Often over cooked and unimaginative.

We're hoping DS will subliminally register that the man in the house cooks gorgeous grub - at the moment he just takes it for granted as teenagers do!

I cook,
DH cooks,
the kids cook.

When DH and I had an absolutely killer week we both got home at nearly 7pm to find the kids had made spag bol, garlic bread, apple turnovers, laid the table, poured the wine and tasted it and it was delicious

THAT is why its worth letting people learn how to enjoy the kitchen

Ah that sounds amazing Talkin

It seems like he's pretty excited about cooking as he said he'll pick up the stuff tomorrow while he's out. I'm looking forward to being served for the first time!

I really need to keep out of it so will try and make myself scarce while he's doing it.

Cinnamon
Indeed - you need to have something you are getting on with so that he has to actually call you for the meal :
blitzing a cupboard or sorting out clothes you never wear or sorting out kids toys (men are crap at blitzing after all)
as if you are completely out of the way it will go better
Good luck

I do most of the cooking, because I like doing it, everything from scratch, it's relaxing, listen to music whilst I'm doing it as well... It's nice to make a meal for a partner, wife and friends, kids..

Yes you're right. Maybe I'll do dcs bath and bed while he's doing it as we usually eat early.

To be fair to him, he doesn't think it's womens work I don't think and hasn't ever refused to cook. It's more that I've just done it as I enjoy it, and it becomes routine. I look forward to taking a back seat sometime.

My DP can cook and will when I ask him to. He won't take the initiative though so I mostly do it. I don't mind so much as he pulls his weight in other ways plus I'm a SAHM. He would prefer a takeaway to cooking himself though on the occasions he does cook!

Glad you have made a plan OP sounds like he will enjoy it as he is excited

I hate cooking with a passion. I do the lion's share round the house but my rule, on which I am totally inflexible, is that at the weekend dh is on kitchen duty. Oh, and Friday night is pizza night. So I only cook Mon to Thurs, so I can just about live with that.

OP, maybe insist he acts as your sous chef every day, so he shares helping to make the food, then as he gets less lazy and more confident make him do dinner say 1 x a week and build from there?