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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be green with envy at women whose partners cook

226 replies

CinnamonBuns · 09/11/2014 17:25

Not a TAAT but just read the veggie Christmas thread about the husband who cooks a three course meal from scratch

My partner has never even made me
a sandwich in 5 years :(

So pissed off at having to cook every fucking meal. If I say, no you're cooking tonight, he'll order a takeaway which I don't really like.

I didn't think it was a big deal when we were dating that he didn't cook but 5 years down the line I'm sick of it.

WAAAH!

OP posts:

furcoatbigknickers · 09/11/2014 17:54

If he likes things tidy, he should do some of the work. I'd have flipped long ago.

TalkinPeace · 09/11/2014 17:55

Phew, I was suddenly a bit worried that Cinnamon was getting a hard time
so glad I made you grin.

Seriously, he needs to learn to cook a few meals to prove he knows how to handle a big sharp knife

And if you have kids, its the ideal time to explain to him that if he wants them to be able to grow up able to fix meals for you both, HE needs to start teaching them to cook what he likes.

What cookbooks do you have in the house?

Ladies - can we come up with a suitably macho cookbook for OP to buy for her DH to turn him onto the right path
Macho winter BBQs for lazy gits or the like ?

AnotherFurry · 09/11/2014 17:55

DH can and does cook but more often than not we cook together, although
he does moan that he gets the boring jobs of chopping onions etc

Can you start out by sharing the job of cooking then it might not be such a leap as to get him to cook something for you on his own if he isn't that confident about his cooking skills.

Of course he may just be a complete arse and think it's your job to cook in which case I can't offer any advise as I would not be around anyone with that attitude.

formerbabe · 09/11/2014 17:56

My dh doesn't cook either...he can cook oven food ie frozen chips, breaded chicken...but will never really make anything else. I'm a sahm and like cooking...I am also a control freak when it comes to the kitchen, but sometimes I would really like a meal made for me.

It upset me especially when I was pregnant and exhausted..I would have loved him to make me dinner.

munchkin2902 · 09/11/2014 17:57

My boyfriend cooks everything, he's cooking a roast right now. It's because he loves cooking and he's a far better cook than me so doesn't like eating my food. I actually find it quite annoying as he then has the evening to relax while I wash up and clean the kitchen (and he's one of those people that uses every pan in the house.) I'd much rather it was 50/50 on cooking and washing up

Thestandingjokeoftheyear · 09/11/2014 17:59

I've just cooked for my DH who has been out all day at football while I have been home ironing, running DC's around and basically having a very tedious day. He finished the meal, got up from the table without saying thank you and just left me in the kitchen, sitting on my own at the table . All housework and domestic stuff is my arena, his is his big, important job, and god forbid if ever the twain should meat although he does sometimes do oven chips on a Saturday night

Catsarebastards · 09/11/2014 18:00

Agree too coffee and I'll pass that on to my children.

Pass it in by showing them. If you are telling them it but not actually living it yourself you arent actually passing it on at all. You are telling them to think the right things but when it comes down to it just settle for what he's giving you. Stop settling OP. change it.

Thestandingjokeoftheyear · 09/11/2014 18:01

'Meet', even. Twas not a Freudian.

MaryWestmacott · 09/11/2014 18:02

Well, have you thought about sitting him down one evening, not at the point the meal needs cooking, but later on - and say you don't think it's fair that you always cook and the only time you eat a meal someone else has cooked is when you order takeaway or go out. That generally, you'd like him to make more effort, and if he doesn't know how to cook, you could plan simple meals with clear recipes to follow.

(you could mention that you worry how he'd cope if anything happened to you!).

However, worth reflecting, you picked him and you do everything without complaining, could it be that you like being in charge of the house and having the 'mothering' role, then actually you might be miserable with a self-sufficient man who cooked, took control of the kitchen and house regularly etc.

Catsarebastards · 09/11/2014 18:02

I feel kinda sorry for their wives, tbh. It must be like moving in with a randy 12 year old.

Why? Were they forced to live with these men?

HermanSkank · 09/11/2014 18:03

Fucking hell, standing - are you serious? He doesn't even thank you?

How have you not pushed his horrid face into his sausage and mash loooong before now?

kiritekanawa · 09/11/2014 18:04

Thestandingjoke, that sounds awful. What would happen if you had a very calm, nice discussion where you said you didn't want things to be like that and you'd really like more support?

Cinnamonbuns - do you think you could have that discussion too? I really had to change my mindset from "he could burn water, I'm going to cook more efficiently if he's not in the kitchen" to "I don't want to be cooking/cleaning/resenting for the next 80 years. He needs to learn, and in a few years, I won't have to cook/clean all the time, and if we make this transition without resentment and with good communication, then it won't be a lasting irritation". Thankfully it worked. I know that i was unusually lucky.

carlsonrichards · 09/11/2014 18:11

Another woman who stopped work to stay at home and is not married. I really hope you have legal protection in place to protect you financially or this loser's lack of cooking will be the least of your problems.

carlsonrichards · 09/11/2014 18:13

elfo, why do you put up with that? Who died and appointed you his skivvy? Who washed up when he was single? And as he is a boyfriend, why on Earth are you putting up with being his scullery maid?

Original poster

CinnamonBuns · 09/11/2014 18:14

To be honest I enjoy cooking a lot a and love coming up with recipes, it excites me. So I guess I do it because of that but sometimes I wish he would say I'm going to cook you a lovely meal tonight, dear.

I guess I do have that 'servicing' role as someone said above. That's because of my childhood I guess.

I'm going to sit him down tonight when dc in bed and say you're cooking on tues, thurs and Saturdays like Viv'said and that'll be it.

I don't think he would mind tbh

OP posts:

LadyLuck10 · 09/11/2014 18:19

If you don't think he would mind then why have you put with it for 5 years

Catsarebastards · 09/11/2014 18:21

Good luck OP. and dont accept a flat out 'no' from him. You arent asking, you are discussing a change in dynamic, a permanent change that will last beyond a few weeks. This will be an ongoing discussion as you have been doing it for so long so it wont change overnight.

vienna1981 · 09/11/2014 18:21

I cook and clean and shop. Frankly the cleaning I could take or leave but luckily I enjoy food shopping and cookery. It's a good job really because I live by myself.

As for ironing, forget it...

InvaderZim · 09/11/2014 18:21

See, my DH doesn't cook (not strictly true - he can cook to a recipe but it takes him 3x the amount of time to do it) but he does so much else - all the bookkeeping, also he hoovers, laundry, dishes... He's actually a much tidier person than me.

I am so very tired of doing all the cooking but can accept it because DH shares everything else!

AnyFucker · 09/11/2014 18:22

These threads equally perplex and infuriate me

vienna1981 · 09/11/2014 18:23

And takeaway nosh is way too expensive for me. Shame coz I do like Cantonese and handmade pizza.

LilMissSunshine9 · 09/11/2014 18:23

YANBU - my friends think I am too fussy in terms of what I want a in a guy but I hardly think wanting a guy who believes in a marriage being an equal partnership and pulling his weight is hardly being fussy. I am not marrying a guy to end up just picking up after him all the time I am marrying someone I want to spend everyday with, who I connect with and have great conversations and fun with and who I can share my life with.

I'd rather stay single for the rest of my life then marry a guy who doesn't lift a finger.

Catsarebastards · 09/11/2014 18:23

Me too AF.

ZingOfSeven · 09/11/2014 18:25

YANBU

Original poster

CinnamonBuns · 09/11/2014 18:28

AF, I know it's perplexing. But If you read what I said, it's my own fault. I need to stand up for myself more now. Don't be upset at me, I love you!

OP posts:

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