To think it's much easier being a single parent??

[Deckmyballs]

So I'm with DH of 5 years, together 10. We have 3 young DC. Neither parents able to do childcare. We haven't had a night out together in a year. And even then it was a 'must be home for midnight' affair.

I know people who are single parents. They have relationships. They share childcare between the dcs father/mother. They have regular moments alone or alone with their new partner.

AIBU to think it must be much easier to sustain a relationship outwith that with father of dc?

Fyi I am with DH father of dc but don't feel I know him or spend time with him at all. I feel like if I had a relationship elsewhere at least id actually have a relationship with them...

Walkinginmemphis if the OP had come back and apologised for the insensitive title I would have agreed... but she is being deliberately antagonistic. Not the way to win support on here.

Her subsequent posts are even more insulting than the first one.

I must be reading a different thread - I've just gone back through and can't see that at all.

oh dear Frank I don't wonder why I am still single I am single by choice :)

Frank can you not see - or are you deliberately missing - that it is the way the op is trying to insult a whole group of posters which is the thing people take issue with. It's awful she is struggling but start a thread about that not to insult another group of posters.

Why is being single a bad thing Frank? I quite like it, I'm certainly in no hurry to get a partner.

If I do, I do. But it's hardly the be all and end all.

I have 'time off' from my children but you know what I hate it and miss them dreadfully when they go to their dad's.

Well, from the way her relationship appears to be going, she may get the chance to be a single parent soon and then all will be roses.
I've never been a single parent, I've never had a lot of the life experiences many MNetters have had. But if I was feeling down and miserable and that my children were preventing me from having a life of my own, I'd look at my personal circumstances and what I could do to change them, rather than being envious and ignorant of other people's lives and posting about that.

Bit like the 'Want my space? Take my disability too' eye-opening campaign.

Mephis I can't find 100 posts telling her she's a cunt either ...

The 'who looks after your kids' post was nasty and goady imho but hey ho

Deckmyballs- who looks after your kids when you work part time?

For those saying they do all the childcare AND work, that's not actually true is it? Who looks after the kids while you work?? Just making a point

That one?

I don't see anything wrong with that...it's the truth. You can't work AND 'do' all the childcare can you?

I work and my cm does the childcare to necessitate this. No need to get knickers in a twist about it.

Childcare is what happens outside of school. I worked part time, did a uni course and my DSs stepped up and did childcare.

Im not a single parent in that i now live with my new dp.
But i am, in that im separated from dcs dad.
In one way its easier, not trying to survive and be a good mum in an atmosphere of fear and abuse.
In others its harder, i do have dp to help out, but i struggle with balancing dcs contact with ex with protecting myself from abuse and them from being used as a tool to get at me by their dad.
I struggle with my relationship with dp. We didnt get that lovely dating bit, i had kids with me constantly as ex refused contact to prevent me having time alone with dp. Dp and i both recieved threats and harrassment from ex. Dp chose to take responsibility for my kids, but its hard for him, they are not his, he was single for a long time before we got together, and its very different to the life he was living. We had to plunge very quickly into the "boring" life of a family with small children.
We dont get much time together, its like life is for you with your dh, only we are a fairly new couple.

I am sad that i dont have a "traditional" family, where i have a partner and our children, where we had a relationship first, then a loving family developed.

My life and family situation is amazing compared to what i had with ex, but its not the way i would want to build a relationship.

Trust me we don't all have the opportunity to pack the kids off to their dad's for the weekend. My DH died, so all financial responsibility lands one me, I work 40+ hours a week in a demanding job, am up at 6:30 to take the dog for a walk, not home till 6:00pm at the earliest then I have endless chores to do. My bed is lonely, I have no one to have a cuddle, to have a moan about my day, DD has to listen to classmates everyday about what they did with their dad's over the weekend etc. On top of dealing with a sick dog, an elderly mother and an arsehole of a brother. Still looking rosy?

I'm lucky as DD is 15 so can help out around the house and I can go out with leaving her home alone.

Hi again folks. Just wanted to say offer all parents a - it's blardy hard work. But lots of to all raising DC on their own and thank you for sharing your experiences here.

WRT the thread, have deleted a few personal attacks and troll hunting posts, (FWIW we don't think the OP is a troll) but otherwise looks like everyone's been pretty reasonable. Hope you all get a chance to put your feet up at some point today, whatever shape or form your family takes

I really hope the op isn't taking the resentment of having her children, out on her children.

Usually from my lurking experience the AIBU part of the forum is a pleasant place to post, with rather helpful suggestions and normal civilised banter..

But this OP has produced some sensational frothing and harsh rebukes some of which are unnecessary and abusive venting.. Admittedly she tried to fight her corner and looked rather silly in doing so but it's obvious what she needs..

I really hope the op isn't taking the resentment of having her children, out on her children

Wow...how fucking spiteful.

I feel a bit sad the OP has been jumped on. She didn't ask in an insulting way, and I think it can look different from the outside, and I think she was just being curious, plus her own issues. I really hate the "hate" replies people get for posting.

I think a few single parents have an OK life - if they have money, if they have a supportive network and maybe a caring, involved ex-partner.

But of course lots of single parents have absolutely NONE of these, and life can be very difficult indeed.

But no need to jump on OP in the way I saw on p.1 and take anger out on her; very distasteful and bullying.

Agree with you frank.

These threads always go the same way. There are no martyrs like the MN single parents (some of whom presumably played some part in becoming single parents and some of whom decided to have children with feckless arseholes in the first place).

The OP was misguided but the venomous responses are far far worse.

YY Bianca

Basically OP...... if your marriage has got to the point where you can no longer stand living under the same roof together, then yes- life will be better for you if he leaves.

There's a lot of "ifs" in that post Sparky. And most single parents don't have that.

(Pressed post too soon)

But leaving an otherwise happy and functional "normal" marriage because you think you'll get more time to yourself or a better love life or less responsibility yadda yadda is madness. Because that's the absolute last thing that's going to happen if you become a single parent.

I love when people join a thread simply to join in a perceived bunfight :)

Thanks for the cuppa Ellen - glad you and most other people can see it's a reasonable discussion - lets hope it stays that way :)

OP I hope things work out for you - I'm off for a post run shower I smell !

Bianca that is awful.

Do you think we actually chose life like this? Without the 2.4 family, Labrador and white picket fence around our rosey garden.

Do you not realise twunts become twunts over time!