To have told a woman to take her shivering child home to bed in Primark

[BigRedBall]

I went out today to get a few bits and bobs and ended up in a Primark. Got to the lifts and saw a woman waiting with a pushchair and on it was hanging a school bag. Looked to her side and she had a school aged child with her who was visibly ill, shivering, moaning. I assumed she'd picked him up from school and was dropping by on way home, but then realised school bag was from a school other side of town.

We went up together and the boy was whimpering now and looked really bad. The mother didn't seem to notice/care.

So I was walking around and the tanoy went off asking for a store cleaner to go to "area bla bla bla" for a clean up. Didn't really take any notice until I walked to the other side of the shop and the same woman was standing there with a now crying baby in pushchair and crying/ shivering child who had been sick all over the shop floor. There were splatters of pink sick on clothes, the mirrors, it was disgusting and she was stood there on the phone to someone and was telling the boy off.

I don't know about anyone else, but when my children get ill and shiver like that with fever, the last thing I'd do is traipse them across town. I'd give them a hug and put them in bed and hold their head if they were being sick. Goodness knows vomiting is draining even for an adult.

I felt so angry for the poor boy. So I walked up to her and said "instead of bringing him to the shops from school, you should've taken him home to bed. I'd take him straight home and give the poor thing a hug".

I think she was more shocked than anything.

DH thinks I wbu and is shocked I'd say that to someone. I don't think I am. Also, I now feel sick and think I have his germs.

That mother sounds like a choice piece of broken Britain. YANBU and it would seem that no matter how much you try to recount the circumstances, there are posters on here determined to look for some kind of nobility in her actions. Well done. I haven't got your courage and I would probably have walked away huffing and tutting.

So there's a mother who is possibly having a stressed-out day and wouldn't want to be lectured at, and there's a visibly ill child who doesn't appear in this limited picture to be receiving adequate care.

For me the needs of the child trump the feelings of the mother in this case, so whilst you could've been more diplomatic, and maybe there's a whole back story that's been missed, but I still think you were right to say something OP. This could've been a harassed but otherwise fabulous mother having a bad day; it could equally have been a mother who habitually neglected her child's needs and needed some sharp feedback.

I think you had the right intentions, OP. Sometimes, we have to step out of our comfort zone and risk offending people.. as someone else said, someone had to be that child's advocate. At worst, you've offended somebody (and she will get over it), and at best, you've made a difference in that child's life..

Yep she's probably not going to get mum of the year but I don't get what the op was hoping to achieve other than to come on here and tell us how superior and smug she is.

Yanbu

Some people are selfish idiots and need reminding.

fgs I once took my dd to supermarket seemingly fine and then she quite suddenly threw up. She is non verbal so couldn't have explained she wasn't feeling well. If you had spoken to me like that I would have been v upset. I think you should mind your own.

Does making shit parents feel shit actually result in then being less shit? I would have thought not but it's not my area of expertise and I've not read any research on the matter

To use your phrase, it is my area, perhaps not of expertise but certainly work, and no, making shit parents feel shit does not make them less shit.

But it might help less shit parents feel superior.

I usually don't agree with making up any number of excuses why a seemingly bad parent behaves the way they do but really there could have been any number of reasons she was there. even if she was the worst mother in the world what would she get out of bringing a sick child out shopping?

I mean if she was roaring at him or beating him sure step in but being in a shop while he was sick doesn't sound like something she needed a lecture on.

The mother doesn't sound wonderful, but what does embarrassing her even more in public actually achieve, apart from making you feel better, OP?

If she was just having a bad day, you've made her feel like shit for a mistake, which is just nasty, and if she really is a shit parent, you sticking your nose in isn't going to make the blindest bit of difference to how she acts in the future.

posters on here determined to look for some kind of nobility in her actions

There might be no nobility in this parents actions, even less in the ops.

Who gives a shit about whether a shit parent actually becomes a less shit parent if it is pointed out to them how shit they are? Let's just all sit back and let other people treat their kids like worthless and annoying runts, shall we?

Fuxache.

The mother was telling her kid off. Did you all miss that bit?

YABU. You had no idea just what had gone on in this woman's day just a glimpse (of which you of course managed to witness the worst bit). You don't even know if it was her child(ren). I've been targeted by nasty sanctimonious women myself on two occasions who deemed it necessary to tell me how to raise my children better (based on an extreme snapshot of course). The first time I was taking my poorly 6 year old ds to an emergency appointment at my GP. I had 10 minutes to get there and as he was very weak and ill I wheeled him there in dd's stroller. As I got there an elderly woman started tutting and shaking her head. When I sat down she told me I should be ashamed of pushing my child around in a pram. he was bundled up and fast asleep and as white as a sheet. He was clearly ill. I told her loudly to keep her nose out of my business.

The next time was a similar scenario to the one in the OP. I was working in a pub on the other side of town when school rang to say dd was ill. I had no way of getting there quickly (I don't drive) so another mum kindly offered to bring her to me and then dh would get her on his way past to take home. There was a 20 minute gap between her being dropped off and then dh picking her up. I put her on a comfy couch near to the bar with my coat over her and a glass of water. Woman comes in with her husband, spots dd and starts coming out with stuff like "Whoever her parents are they need sterilising!" And "poor thing should be in bed at home not stuck in a bloody pub!" I didn't say anything at first but she was about to take a picture of dd on her phone and I went a bit doolally.

This wasn't anything to do with you OP. You made a bad day even worse for that poor woman. Job done eh?

Am I the only one who has absolutely NO idea what the right thing would have been in this situation? TBH, I would probably have ignored it but then spent the rest of the evening wondering if I should have done something!

OP, can you tell us what you hoped to achieve by your intervention?

Oh and I've been out with my kids in the past when one of them takes a turn quickly and is ill. I once picked 3 year old ds up for a cuddle in the supermarket as he tugged on my top and said he felt unwell. He threw up spectacularly all down my back and onto the floor ( causing some poor teenage girl to do a little squeal). I offered to clean up but the staff were insistent that I shouldn't. We'd been out at the park all day,and he'd been having fun playing, petting the animals in pets corner etc. I had to walk home covered in puke and everyone staring at me. If you'd have said anything to me at that moment I may not have been responsible for my actions.

I would love to know what people think was a valid reason this woman had to be in Primark at 12.30 with a sick schoolchild.

What was the point of your intervention OP?

To educate the mother or to help the child in that particular situation?

My work means I meet a lot of parents with weak parenting skills and believe me, straight criticism of their shortcomings is not how you go about creating happier families. You had an emotional reaction to what you saw. At best, it didn't help. At worst, it made things much worse.

Honestly? I don't know what I'd have done in your situation. I like to think I'd either have offered some constructive help or butted out.

X post Laurie .

I am having to hide this thread - which I rarely do, (for my own sanity) because of the excessive twattery on it (and I don't mean you op)

She had a basket full of stuff from the ground floor (women's and women's accessories) before she went up, so she definitely wasn't there picking stuff up for an ill son.

She didn't care he was ill. I wasn't rude. I was very matter of fact. I didn't bully her, I made a fair point and left. That poor child needed to be at home. And the weather has turned, it was freezing today. Imagine having cold shivers and being made to walk around the city centre.

How do you know he was her son?