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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told a woman to take her shivering child home to bed in Primark

742 replies

BigRedBall · 05/11/2014 17:55

I went out today to get a few bits and bobs and ended up in a Primark. Got to the lifts and saw a woman waiting with a pushchair and on it was hanging a school bag. Looked to her side and she had a school aged child with her who was visibly ill, shivering, moaning. I assumed she'd picked him up from school and was dropping by on way home, but then realised school bag was from a school other side of town.

We went up together and the boy was whimpering now and looked really bad. The mother didn't seem to notice/care.

So I was walking around and the tanoy went off asking for a store cleaner to go to "area bla bla bla" for a clean up. Didn't really take any notice until I walked to the other side of the shop and the same woman was standing there with a now crying baby in pushchair and crying/ shivering child who had been sick all over the shop floor. There were splatters of pink sick on clothes, the mirrors, it was disgusting and she was stood there on the phone to someone and was telling the boy off.

I don't know about anyone else, but when my children get ill and shiver like that with fever, the last thing I'd do is traipse them across town. I'd give them a hug and put them in bed and hold their head if they were being sick. Goodness knows vomiting is draining even for an adult.

I felt so angry for the poor boy. So I walked up to her and said "instead of bringing him to the shops from school, you should've taken him home to bed. I'd take him straight home and give the poor thing a hug".

I think she was more shocked than anything.

DH thinks I wbu and is shocked I'd say that to someone. I don't think I am. Also, I now feel sick and think I have his germs.

OP posts:
Original poster
BigRedBall · 05/11/2014 18:40

He was sent home ill from school. Wth take him to Primark when school have sent him home? It was 12.30pm. There is no backstory.

OP posts:
Momagain1 · 05/11/2014 18:40

Worra: what was she telling off for then? OP heard whatever the mum was saying, and I doubt the child had much chance to get up to anything else that would have deserved a telling off.

OP, you don't know what other deadlines and demands she was juggling and trying to resolve before actually going home, especially if she is a single parent with no one else to depend on in emergencies. Judging her for telling the child off for being sick would be NU.

WD41 · 05/11/2014 18:41

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fourwoodenchairs · 05/11/2014 18:42

If you really said that which I doubt, I would have told you to fuck off.

dorasee · 05/11/2014 18:42

YANBU but you do aim high. Did you really think you could enlighten such a mother? I'd have told her about the various birth control options available. Can't stand seeing women like that dragging kids up.

delicialicious · 05/11/2014 18:44

Oh so now yet more assumptions. She's dragging her kids up?! How on earth have you come to that conclusion?

Frogme · 05/11/2014 18:44

Many don't seem to have clocked that he was obviously unwell enough to have been sent home from school.

Ok lets give her the benefit of the doubt and he seemed fine to her. That still doesn't excuse the fact that she was on the phone and she told him off. Presumably there was context too, or the op wouldn't have waded in.

Yanbu but are braver than me. I would have just thought it.

manchestermummy · 05/11/2014 18:45

Would it not have been better to lead by example and asked the mum if she was ok, offered wipes, water to the child?

You saw a snapshot. You have no idea of the circumstances. You have no idea if the child 'had form' for feigning illness and the mum made an error of judgment.

IsabellaPong · 05/11/2014 18:45

Would you be telling your child off if they'd just thrown up everywhere?

OP, I think worra was in primark today...

FrauHelga · 05/11/2014 18:45

You would have got a fuck off from me too.

I can think of a million reasons why I'd have to go to Primark or any other shop with a poorly child and yes, I have sometimes been short and crabbit with my kids when they have been sick. I'm not perfect.

When DS got sent home from school with yet another ear infection I am sure I said "FFS not again" more than once. And he was prone to vomming everywhere, due to it affecting his middle ear.

And as DS himself knew, the rules with nose bleeds were don't get it on your white shirt, to the point where when he got a nose bleed in school the first thing he said was "my mum's going to kill me"

So, sue me. Or ring SS. He's 25, he's not dead yet.

northernlurker · 05/11/2014 18:45

'Can't stand seeing women like that dragging kids up.'

Women like what? Women with children at school as well as one of pushchair age? Women who own and use mobile phones? Women who shop in Primark?

Hmm
LittleBairn · 05/11/2014 18:46

YABU to assume you know the full story.
Maybe the Drs surgery was in that part of town, maybe they were on their way to grandparents house instead, maybe he goes to school in one part of town and lives in the other.

Not all people will be as silent as she was the next person might give you a mouth full of abusive.
Confronting, judging and publically shaming someone is only going to encourage aggressive behaviour in them.
They aren't going to thank you so whats your motive, to feel superior?

isitsnowingyet · 05/11/2014 18:46

YANBU op - and good for you! The key part of the story is that the mum was on the phone to someone FFS - yes, she did need telling, and no, I doubt very much that she feels shit about herself after being told by the OP, most likely cos she doesn't care!

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 05/11/2014 18:48

I would have told you to fuck off too op.
You know absolutely nothing of the situation and were rude and bad mannered.

Carry on like this and you might bully the wrong person and regret it.

waithorse · 05/11/2014 18:48

Doesn't matter why she was in the shop, the fact that she told the poor thing off for vomiting. She sounds horrible. Sad

fourwoodenchairs · 05/11/2014 18:48

Northern Grin

mommy2ash · 05/11/2014 18:49

I think you were very rude. You made a lot of assumptions and stuck your beak in to make an already difficult situation even worse. what exactly did you get out of giving out to the woman? do the think it was helpful in any way or just made you feel good about yourself?

last year on my dds birthday she had a show in town for her drama class. she did fine at the show and wanted food after. two minutes later she was sick everywhere and I was mortified. I may even have been a bit short with my dd as sometimes the slightest thing can set her off she works herself up and gets sick. if you were to approach Me i would have been equally rude in return and then some.

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 05/11/2014 18:50

she was on the phone to someone

Er maybe to another of her children. If one if my dcs was sick I wouldn't ignore a call from another of my children.

Maybe dhe was calling a relative for help or a friend.

northernlurker · 05/11/2014 18:52

OP what EXACTLY did you hear her say to the kid and what did you hear her say on the phone?
After all you were monitoring her so closely you must be able to fully fill us in.

fourwoodenchairs · 05/11/2014 18:52

Yes maybe she was calling DH to ask of he could pick them up ASAP? Or calling Drs surgery for an emergency appointment?

You made terrible assumptions about this situation and made another struggling mother's life even harder. What was the point? To make yourself feel better?

You've failed miserably.

VivaLeBeaver · 05/11/2014 18:53

My dd threw up big style as a toddler in the middle of Ikea once and dh didnt even notice as she was in the pushchair. I was round the corner and when I caught up there was a 30m trail of vomit behind them which dh was oblivious to.

Maybe she looked a bit peaky just before she threw up who knows? She was certainly fine when we left home.

When I got to her she was pale and shakey. I'm glad nobody came and told me off for taking a sick child out.

Kids that age can go from fine to looking like death in minutes.

LaurieMarlow · 05/11/2014 18:54

Sounds like you made someone having a shit day feel even worse.

Nice one.

longestlurkerever · 05/11/2014 18:55

Dd loved it. We went on all the rides and she kept hugging the characters. I liked seeing her happy. Fave moment was when she ran into the shop after peppa. Worried she was going to start demanding toys but she grabbed a teddy off the shelf and thrust it into peppa's arms saying 'you like this teddy, peppa!'. She now says she liked the balloons best but in real life she was a bit scared.

pinktoe · 05/11/2014 18:55

YWBU to voice your opinion to her. You can never know the whole story (ok, admittedly I'm struggling to think of a good enough reason to bring a poorly child out in such circumstances) and you could well have made her shit day even shittier.

TattyDevine · 05/11/2014 18:57

Not ideal, not sure if I would have said anything though it does seem like she decided to just get on with her day regardless.

I once had to pick up my son who was looking green but hadn't been sick. I absolutely HAD to get a quote from a garage for some work on my car so my insurance would put through authorisation to get my preferred service provider to do the work by a specific time so time was of the essence. I had a sick bowl in the car just in case and decided to press on.

Got the quote and sweet-talked the garage into emailing it through that day but in the meantime poor DS has been sick twice in the bowl and I had to pull over, empty it into a drain, wipe it out with baby wipes and carry on, we were probably out for an additional 25 minutes to what we should have been and it wasn't pleasant for him but I popped him straight on the sofa with a duvet and sickbowl as soon as we got home and made it up to him as best I could with loads of cuddles.

Wasn't my finest day of parenting but possibly no worse than if he'd had to wait an hour for me to arrive or some such.

If you can avoid it you should. Primark is seldom urgent.