Mother of sons and feminism

[Adnerb95]

Germaine Greer's book The Female Eunuch was life-changing for me when I was at uni many years ago. I still consider myself a feminist, love to see equality of opportunity for women, hate misogyny, think we have a way to go still ... BUT I think some current branches of feminism are seriously messing with young men's heads! Any mention, for example, of a false rape allegation brings down the wrath of any number of online commentators, who immediately label you a rape apologist, as if you are making light of a hateful crime, with no excuse. Apparently, admitting that there are - not often, but occasionally - false allegations is something to be dismissed out of hand and treated as unimportant. A friend's son was recently accused of a rape following consensual sex because she was fearful of the repercussions from her (hitherto secret!) boyfriend. The hell of that family's experience which is now finally over - the police have decided on no further action and actually apologised to the young man - has been indescribable. But it was the online reactions to any mention of such an allegation possibly being untrue, that caused the most damage not just the this young man's thinking but to my sons and their friends as well. I have taught them to respect women, to be caring and thoughtful. Never to objectify women or use them in any way. But they find it difficult to deal with the attitudes which have ben revealed, which see all men as potential rapists, users and so on. Isn't it time for the feminist community to realise that one day they may have sons and they may find that their sons can also be used and abused? That sometimes their sons may have reason to fear the other sex, sad though that may be?

Yes the pie maker should take some responsibity

Alone - how do you feel about male chastity?

Because you have to make educated judgements and I trust my girls to do that. Dosen't mean they will be 100% safe from rape unfortunately.

Alone you somehow seem to think that wearing certain clothing or having a certain level of unfamiliarity with a man, increases the risk of being raped. You do know that the evidence is overwhelmingly in favour of the opposite?

If your girls make an educated judgement, go to some they know's house for coffee, and get raped, does that make it their fault, in your eyes, Alone?

MyEmpireofDirt we were talking about date rape which isn't about the proximity unless of course they have drugged you.
We are talking about the confusion in date rate cases deciding whether it was consensual or not on the womens part.
And that's exactly my point, they don't wear neon signs! So women need to protect themselves.

So, Alone, date rape can't happen once they know the man? How many dates would you say need to happen before they "know" the man?

So the opposite is, you dress how you like, act how you like, go home with as many men you like (whether you know them or not) and that will keep you safe? Because you feel, ultimately it is the mans responsibility?

In an ideal world, yes.

My understanding of date rape is that that's when you're drugged.

Anything else just makes it standard rape.

As others have said your daughters are far more likely to be raped by someone they know.

Yeah I dress how I like and I act how I like.

Because the only thing that is relevant in rape is that a man sticks his dick where it isn't wanted.

What's hard to understand about that?

Because you feel, ultimately it is the mans responsibility?

Erm yes, I feel it is 100% the mans responsibility not to rape me. Is that strange to you?

I have the right, as does a man to change my mind about having sex it can be for a number of reasons the reason is irrelevant it's that I have made that choice and expect that to be respected you know my body respected not just used as a hands free wank

As do your daughters this is what you need to teach them not all this men loose self control, if you give a green light ... rubbish. Rapists can control themselves they choose not to

Alone- just to clarify- what do you think date rape means?

Alone - obviously it's 100% the mens' fault. They can't control themselves, poor darlings. Therefore, I propose that all men of adult age should be put in chastity. That will protect the women. All women.

What say you?

If I am having sex with DH and I say stop, he stops. I'm pretty sure he's in a majority there.

If Alone doesn't think that is possible, let alone normal, then I'm sad for her, and more than a little bit afraid of her husband and son.

I am feminist (although it isn't one of my primary labels) with three sons. I do feel I have a particular responsibility to bring them up to be feminist too, which at this stage means pulling DS1(6) up on using "like a girl" as an insult, and giving equal status to my pt work as to DH's ft work.

Feminism to me means promoting women's rights in order to achieve equality. In the UK that means intujg out the equality legislation that is already enacted, but which is socially and societally ignored.

MyEmpire you are right actually. I was taught in school that "date rape" is where someone spikes your drink and rapes you and that any other form of rape is just know as rape.

AloneReed: "I think young women need to be shocked for their own safety. Yes i have daughters (as did many many women before the concept of feminism) and I would just say if they were going out with their tits and arse on show, can you cover up a bit please? and they would completely ignore me! Just I did when I was young. I have also warned them about the dangers of date rape and I would be horrified if either of my daughters went back the house of someone they didn't know for coffee. If she knew them then that's different."

Is the moral of this story that you have turned into your mother?