To do something a bit evil to my stupid stupid DH...

[NameChangeAnon]

Having just found flirting emails with a woman in which morning sex etc is discussed. He's doing it from his phone NOW. The laptop I'm using was going to be his but is now mine. It has his outlook loaded though and the messages pop up in a corner.

So this popped up a minute ago:

From DH

Fun sounds good......
Looking forward to giving you a hug...
And you kissing me back.....

The conversation previously started with a selfy of a woman wearing a quite nice going out dress and talk of the time in the morning the message was sent.

DH replied

You will have to think of some methods of waking me up early too then ....;) x

The woman replied

Oh I have my ways ?? don't you just love morning sex !! Xx

DH replied

You will just have to remind me.....
I can't remember the last time I had morning sex:(

The woman replied

This could possibly turn out to be a lot of fun xx

before DH sent the message that popped up

I don't think he's cheated on me. I think he's a prat. I'm sitting here eating a biscuit that DD2 (4) brought for me and drinking tea planning my next move.

Obviously I'm going to shout at him AT LENGTH at some point.

So do I do any of the following - I am a bitchy cow brazen enough to do this.

a) reply to the message chain with. Errr. Hi I'm NCA and my DH is a prat who forgets I have his laptop with his email loaded.

b) Send a friend request to her on FB. After all we have the same taste in men and friendships are based on less.

c) Reply to the text he's just sent me thanking him for taking time out of his day to converse with me rather than just

d) anything else you can recommend bearing in mind all I can find is this convo.

BTW I know that our current lack of intimacy is an issue with him. I am not all that interested in having sex and this has been the case for a few years. We have young DDS and no time to ourselves plus he works away on a regular basis (really works away rather than anything else. He would be able to sneak the odd night away if he wanted but I have his rota and his departure and arrivals home are in keeping with his hours).

So WIBU to reply to them both?

Christ OP

Option A for me. You'll pop up as him so I'd say something along the lines of 'I am the walrus woo, I am the walrus woo, I am a bastard woooooooooo'.

I wish you well OP, but in the spirit of how you started this thread, I would pretend to be him and ask her "do you think my wife would mind?" or "would you be able to do X? My wife is GREAT at doing X? She's very flexible. Are you flexible, OW?" etc etc.

I don't know how you are being so calm but good luck x

If you think there is the tiniest chance that you want to stay married to your husband you have to stop him shagging this other woman. It might be easier to move on if he hasn't slept with her.

If he has done enough and it is over then chose your next move carefully.

This is all about what you want now.

Yy Itsfab

Send A.

Then get rid of the fucking arsehole.

I would leave his stuff outside the front door with a box of condoms on top of it and a note saying that they are for morning sex.

Just to say I think you are epic, you must be very strong, good for you I hope you roast his balls and serve them on a bed of spinach Nigella style.

Good luck hun, had it done to me too and it sucks...x

fishestit I like your style!

OP, there have been a lot of humourous responses on here, and you seem to be reacting very well considering (I would be a mess)! But I think we're all genuinely concerned about you. Do you have any close friends or family you could call to come over for some support, either tonight or tomorrow? The sisterhood of mumsnet is right behind you, but it can't hurt to have someone physically there for when it all sinks in and you need a cuddle/cry/someone to rant and rave to?

Look after yourself and I hope you're OK whatever you decide to do, I think there's a lot of us here willing to listen and help if possible.

Is there any way you can flirt your dh into doing a coupley selfie maybe with him kissing your cheek doing a great big smug cheesy grin. You don't need to smile.
Then insert it into the convo straight after with a short message.

"Hi you two! Just had to share this snap I took in the kitchen. Oh...sorry, look at me playing gooseberry, I'm such a klutz. I'll leave you guys alone to make your arrangements shall I?"

It's hard to tell who'll be more mortified...him or her.

If he leaves to meet her it's over. It might be anyway.

But it might not. At the moment I have no say over what he will do. What I will do depends on him. There's nothing to do until he gets home. DDs will be having a later bedtime as they napped earlier after sporting activities so they'll have excited to see Daddy time. Of course that was when I was quite looking forwards to him coming back.

NCA, you're a woman after my own heart. I get evil when fucked over too. I'd get involved in the convo. Don't bad mouth him or anything but say hello, be pleasant. Too pleasant. Pin a printed copy to the front door with a bag of his things. Then send screen shots of it to anyone who'd be ashamed of him.

Honestly, even though he's not yet shagged her, he's planning to and has obviously talked in some detail about your marital problems. What an arse.

I feel so desperately sorry for you OP - well I'm sure we all do. What a shock you've had. As a PP said above, I hope you have someone in RL to turn to for support.

OP - yes this does sound very amusing generally but I agree with another poster. Are you sure you're ok?

I'd be seething especially if I read they were planning to meet up... his balls would be served up to him with his evening dinner, meat balls.

but as someone says have you got someone to talk to IRL? And you really do need to have a damned good talk with your DH about trust etc. He's being a complete and utter arse and taking the piss.

I've lost count of men (work colleagues etc) who use the "my wife hates me/doesn't understand me/we're only together for the kids" stuff then when their back is turned along comes a flirtation with a willing person (male or female!) and next thing you know there's a full blown affair. And it can start at lunches, kitchen at work etc... drinks...

Charitybelle - I'm fine for now. I have a healthy dose of shock to keep me calm for now. I don't tend to get upset easily, especially not mid-crisis (two decades of nursing will do that to you). I tend to get quite angry at times though.

RL friends. Oh I have those, one that's so local it takes 5 mins to get from my sofa to hers with a cuppa in my hand (a MNetter too). But I have 2 happy DDs watching crap on TV while I MN. It's allowed in special circumstances isn't it? and I can hardly weep wail, or name call, or anything unusal at all. Luckily sitting MNetting while they play is usual.

Holy fuck. I'd go with the pretending to be him and asking if she'd like to watch him shitting in an adult nappy like the previous poster said. But I'm classy like that.

NCA, I hope you have wine in x

I'm sorry he's done this, OP.

Op I'm so sorry. What an utter cunt. Good luck with whatever you do.

There's no proof that she knows of my existence at all. It's one of the things stopping me doing something too obvious, at least until I've thought of something genuinely witty and not sharp and nasty. I can't see how they 'met' so he might be a right arsehole stringing her along too.

Which would be a cliche. I do creative writing and hate cliche CBA to find accents

I'm so sorry.

I would pack a bag with a print out of his emails.

Lock up and turn all the lights/phones off.

Wow he really is a shit!
I would go for option A.

I fear it may be too late to join in the conversation so what you going to do OP?

If my husband even thought about cheating I would rip his balls off!!

Option A. And cc in his mum.

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