To do something a bit evil to my stupid stupid DH...

[NameChangeAnon]

Having just found flirting emails with a woman in which morning sex etc is discussed. He's doing it from his phone NOW. The laptop I'm using was going to be his but is now mine. It has his outlook loaded though and the messages pop up in a corner.

So this popped up a minute ago:

From DH

Fun sounds good......
Looking forward to giving you a hug...
And you kissing me back.....

The conversation previously started with a selfy of a woman wearing a quite nice going out dress and talk of the time in the morning the message was sent.

DH replied

You will have to think of some methods of waking me up early too then ....;) x

The woman replied

Oh I have my ways ?? don't you just love morning sex !! Xx

DH replied

You will just have to remind me.....
I can't remember the last time I had morning sex:(

The woman replied

This could possibly turn out to be a lot of fun xx

before DH sent the message that popped up

I don't think he's cheated on me. I think he's a prat. I'm sitting here eating a biscuit that DD2 (4) brought for me and drinking tea planning my next move.

Obviously I'm going to shout at him AT LENGTH at some point.

So do I do any of the following - I am a bitchy cow brazen enough to do this.

a) reply to the message chain with. Errr. Hi I'm NCA and my DH is a prat who forgets I have his laptop with his email loaded.

b) Send a friend request to her on FB. After all we have the same taste in men and friendships are based on less.

c) Reply to the text he's just sent me thanking him for taking time out of his day to converse with me rather than just

d) anything else you can recommend bearing in mind all I can find is this convo.

BTW I know that our current lack of intimacy is an issue with him. I am not all that interested in having sex and this has been the case for a few years. We have young DDS and no time to ourselves plus he works away on a regular basis (really works away rather than anything else. He would be able to sneak the odd night away if he wanted but I have his rota and his departure and arrivals home are in keeping with his hours).

So WIBU to reply to them both?

fucking hell! I would do A then start throwing dh's clothes out of the window. how the hell are you so calm?

Nice idea frusso
Or - you could pretend to be your DH and ask her if she'd be willing to piss on his face, whilst he shits himself in a nappy and sucks on a dummy? That should crap all over their sexy talk and maybe even put her off him indefinitely..? Too much?

'ooh, this looks like a fun chat, can I join in?? Morning sex? Well this is exciting isn't it? Watch out for the powerful halitosis though, can be a bugger….etc…etc'

Absolutely 'a'

I had my shining moment three weeks after my ex left me for a far superior model....I still dine out on it now :) sadly, if I wrote it here, I'd completly out myself...

:( I'm sorry, because this is shit, under the marvellous sense of humour you clearly have xxx

ScarletFever - he works away a lot, but I know where he is and most of the time it's off-shore. Of course there are work related courses where he can be away so opportunity would be there.

If he's cheated the shouting will be pretty loud and no matter where you live you might hear me. Not sure where to go from there but the world will still spin round.

mrsnodge - noooooo. I love this laptop and need it!

Seriouslyffs - It's more like sex a handful of times in a year. But then he's away more than half of the year, and it's been a very busy year where I tend to get up at the last minute, drop dead to the world at the end of the day and not a minute to myself in-between.

squoosh - it's not about her. I don't even know what she knows about his situation. It's more about pointing out to him that he's stupid.

I honestly don't know how you are so calm, and you say you're not surprised? !

I hope you're ok op.

Charity I don't think there's limits in etiquette in this sort of situation.

What charitybelle said.

Also add that you're live tweeting their conversation and your thousands of followers are hooked. And also pissing themselves at such a sad pathetic wankbag of a boy, that you seem to have married.

Commiserations OP. Maybe just message the woman saying that as she's intent on shagging your dh, it's only the sisterly thing to do to find you someone to shag instead.

A. Find some rubbish grammar or punctuation in their drivel, comment only to correct that.

Dignified.

Then, when you've got him home, eviscerate the tosser.

NCA - you are being a very classy lady here.... i think a lot of us would have thrown his clothes on the bonfire by now, and changed the locks

well done! i hope you're ok and whatever you do, that it works out ok

ha ha ha, yes, tell them we're all hooked!

Is he actually in the same ROOM as you?

Remarkable.

I may seem calm but my heart is thumping a bit harder in my chest than usual. Extra blood flow for the brain while I work it all out I guess.

I'm surprised. But not fall over in amazement surprised. I'm not even angry. I am in that very calm place. Calm before the absolutely devastating hurricane when he gets home (haven't seen him in 3 weeks).

Oh OP, I hope you're alright.

I love charity's idea!

Oh OP, I hope you're alright.

I love charity's idea!

Goodness what a knob he sounds. You sound a lot calmer than he deserves. I'd go with a as well.

Yes - send a link to this thread to both of them whilst they are chatting.

Ha! Just read charity's idea

siiiiiiiiigh - not in the room. He'll be driving home for a few hours and probably took a break.

also hahahahhhahahahaaaa Bad grammer or spelling? Won't be hard to find as DH's english isn't his strong point. I corrected it all the way through his degree a couple of years back so I'm even practised at it.

Errrrgh vile! How dare he!

Please A!

Hope you're ok OP xxx

Hope you're ok OP I would pop in to the conversation, bitch plop and leave But I am a dick

You deserve so much better, you know that right?

Option A

Don't say anything derogatory about him though. Dont engage any further than that.
Then talk to your Dh.

I hope you're ok.

I have to say I am most definitely not a "cool wife". And nobody should feel pressured to remain in a marriage where one partner wanker is unreasonable. But I do think that marriages can survive infidelity if the cheating scumbag straying partner can demonstrate remorse and rebuild trust. I used to think I would never ever stay with man who cheated on me. I would struggle tbh. But now I have DCs I am no longer 100% convinced I would end an otherwise good marriage over an act of fucking about.
You can come out of this stronger.

I think I'd be tempted to post something like

"Good Day to you both!

Thank you both for making the effort to make sure I get to see all of your sleazy plans.

I shall print them off, and take them to the Solicitor I shall be consulting tomorrow morning at 9am.

Don't worry, OW, you won't be left out. I shall be naming you as co-respondent.

Now I am sure you are in a hurry to get on with your adultery, so I shall sign off.

The CSA will be in touch

Anon"

What a cunt. Deffo a and get rid. Do you want to be with him even?

I think I would be tempted to message them both with:
Please continue your conversation. I have forwarded this to my solicitor, your commanding officer, your mother, oh and OW face book. Keep those juicy details coming so all can see what pathetic excuses for human beings you are. Oh OW could you recommend a hotel as Twattyhusband will be needing a room tonight.

Fiddlerontheroof - you have to let us know what you did!!!!