To do something a bit evil to my stupid stupid DH...

[NameChangeAnon]

Having just found flirting emails with a woman in which morning sex etc is discussed. He's doing it from his phone NOW. The laptop I'm using was going to be his but is now mine. It has his outlook loaded though and the messages pop up in a corner.

So this popped up a minute ago:

From DH

Fun sounds good......
Looking forward to giving you a hug...
And you kissing me back.....

The conversation previously started with a selfy of a woman wearing a quite nice going out dress and talk of the time in the morning the message was sent.

DH replied

You will have to think of some methods of waking me up early too then ....;) x

The woman replied

Oh I have my ways ?? don't you just love morning sex !! Xx

DH replied

You will just have to remind me.....
I can't remember the last time I had morning sex:(

The woman replied

This could possibly turn out to be a lot of fun xx

before DH sent the message that popped up

I don't think he's cheated on me. I think he's a prat. I'm sitting here eating a biscuit that DD2 (4) brought for me and drinking tea planning my next move.

Obviously I'm going to shout at him AT LENGTH at some point.

So do I do any of the following - I am a bitchy cow brazen enough to do this.

a) reply to the message chain with. Errr. Hi I'm NCA and my DH is a prat who forgets I have his laptop with his email loaded.

b) Send a friend request to her on FB. After all we have the same taste in men and friendships are based on less.

c) Reply to the text he's just sent me thanking him for taking time out of his day to converse with me rather than just

d) anything else you can recommend bearing in mind all I can find is this convo.

BTW I know that our current lack of intimacy is an issue with him. I am not all that interested in having sex and this has been the case for a few years. We have young DDS and no time to ourselves plus he works away on a regular basis (really works away rather than anything else. He would be able to sneak the odd night away if he wanted but I have his rota and his departure and arrivals home are in keeping with his hours).

So WIBU to reply to them both?

If he is driving could you pop in and say 'Hope you're not emailing and driving dear'

Then leave it at that and let him crap his pants.

Sorry I just mean maybe the lack of sex means something, like maybe you dont fancy him/in love anymore? You can do better than that.

What a complete twat, poor you. I can't decide if your level of calm is scary (as in you're going to proper lose it and do him harm), or a sign that you don't care about him enough for you to react any other way anymore.

Do you want to stay with someone you obviously can't trust?

Oh he's driving home, is he?

In which case I would add "Obviously this means you are not welcome home, DH, I expect you to find somewhere else to sleep. Bit of luck you just had an offer, though, isn't it?"

I'm liking the idea of linking this thread. Then they can see that I picked some of the milder options...

Ohh feeling cold and shivery - guess the adrenaline is wearing off. Back in a mo. Will nudge the heating up a couple of degrees and make a cup of tea.

((how British am I quiz...))

Sensible people talk to their wives if they are not happy with their sex life, or relationship in general, they don't fuck someone else.

It isn't clear, is he home now or away? I assume away.

Think about what you want to do, print out the convo so no getting away from it and don't feel you have to justify your decision to anyone. He is the only one in the wrong here if he moans about you reading his messages .

Look out for The Script.

balloon good one

Wow! That's a shocker, I would definitely say something. Possibly along the lines of "Hi DH and OW. Just letting you know I've seen all of this. I'll see you soon DH so we can talk about it further. Nice to meet you OW"

Wow! That's a shocker, I would definitely say something. Possibly along the lines of "Hi DH and OW. Just letting you know I've seen all of this. I'll see you soon DH so we can talk about it further. Nice to meet you OW"

Lock the door, print out the conversation and stick it to the door with a list of hotels with his packed bags underneath

So, how are you going to sort out the real problem in your relationship, op, of you not ever wanting intimacy and being married to someone who does?

This is the real problem, the OW is a red herring because if it wasn't this particular one, it would've been another.

I'm not saying what he is doing is right btw I just think expecting someone to go without intimacy indefinitely is unreasonable.

Take care of yourself, NCA.

Frankly, I think I'd just meet him at the door with his bag packed and calmly say "You really should have removed your email account from the laptop". Then close the door. Or put the bag on the doorstep with a note. No need for shouting and explanations really, why give him a chance to shout all the reasons why 'you drove him to it' or his whining pathetic 'explanations'. Calm dignity is the way to go. You fucked up, you are gone, end of.

Oh no

I'd go for A as well though, and have.

A good 5/6 years ago my now ex left his Facebook (or MsN I don't remember) logged in on my PC and when I went on the PC later in the day there were loads of messages popped up between him and another girl from work.

I instantly cried, went to smoke, had a drink, rang my friend who came round and then we had some fun pretending to be him and asking for a lot of very strange sex stuff.

He rang me up and had a go at me for making him look stupid!!

I took the fucker back after that as well.

Then dumped him for suggesting that I got my gorgeous little DS out of bed to pick him up from a party

Priorities and all that...

GWTLH - NCA's reluctance or lack of energy to have sex is irrelevant now given that it seems he has been shagging someone else. Not having sex with your husband every day is not against marriage vows.

"Lack of sex" (a reduction/ less exciting) is entirely normal in a LTR, especially after having Dcs.
We are tired. Our priorities change. We age.
It doesn't mean that wee can't strive for optimal intimacy but it isn't a sign of a problem or an excuse to cheat.

Oh, what a cunt waffle!

Your a far better woman than I am, I like the idea about hijacking the email though. Make sure you forward then to yourself incase he deletes then or changes the password

Liking option A, you are much calmer about this than I would be though

Hurr1cane!!.

I would be tempted NOT to let on how you know...

I am not all that interested in having sex and this has been the case for a few years

No one said she should shag her husband everyday, but when I read this I made me reply what I did

he needs to know you know.

but before he gets home.

a short message about morning sex and you on the laptop should do it.

let him try to squirm out of it.

you are amazing op

Stay calm. Only for your own sanity and your DC
And feel free to make him leave if you wish.

GWTLH I thought the wedding vows went 'until death do us part', not 'until you won't put out so I have an affair'

Girl with - I have no intention to sort out my lack of intimacy. I shagged him senseless when we went away for a night for our wedding anniversary. I had been flirting with him about getting some new underwear and trying it out, even in the last week. It's not entirely missing, just mostly.

Just found a previous email convo between them. They haven't met but have plans to. So the email above is more significant. There's comments about Sunday... he's away on a work-course next week and was going a night early (this would be quite usual). I guess he was stopping off enroute.

WAS

Puds - he shouldn't have an affair at all, and as I said I don't condone what he is doing. But I think the relationship is doomed if one person wants sex and intimacy and the other doesn't...