To do something a bit evil to my stupid stupid DH...

[NameChangeAnon]

Having just found flirting emails with a woman in which morning sex etc is discussed. He's doing it from his phone NOW. The laptop I'm using was going to be his but is now mine. It has his outlook loaded though and the messages pop up in a corner.

So this popped up a minute ago:

From DH

Fun sounds good......
Looking forward to giving you a hug...
And you kissing me back.....

The conversation previously started with a selfy of a woman wearing a quite nice going out dress and talk of the time in the morning the message was sent.

DH replied

You will have to think of some methods of waking me up early too then ....;) x

The woman replied

Oh I have my ways ?? don't you just love morning sex !! Xx

DH replied

You will just have to remind me.....
I can't remember the last time I had morning sex:(

The woman replied

This could possibly turn out to be a lot of fun xx

before DH sent the message that popped up

I don't think he's cheated on me. I think he's a prat. I'm sitting here eating a biscuit that DD2 (4) brought for me and drinking tea planning my next move.

Obviously I'm going to shout at him AT LENGTH at some point.

So do I do any of the following - I am a bitchy cow brazen enough to do this.

a) reply to the message chain with. Errr. Hi I'm NCA and my DH is a prat who forgets I have his laptop with his email loaded.

b) Send a friend request to her on FB. After all we have the same taste in men and friendships are based on less.

c) Reply to the text he's just sent me thanking him for taking time out of his day to converse with me rather than just

d) anything else you can recommend bearing in mind all I can find is this convo.

BTW I know that our current lack of intimacy is an issue with him. I am not all that interested in having sex and this has been the case for a few years. We have young DDS and no time to ourselves plus he works away on a regular basis (really works away rather than anything else. He would be able to sneak the odd night away if he wanted but I have his rota and his departure and arrivals home are in keeping with his hours).

So WIBU to reply to them both?

A, Hi, I find my dh likes to be woken up in the morning tied to the bed with fluffy handcuffs and whipped with a wet lettuce leaf. After that he likes me to watch him have sex with his silicone doll 'Amanda' hope that helps! I'll pack his bags and send him to you. Lots of love NCA

X-post, well that's a whole different scenario from your op so I take back what I said as you are having sex. In that case, he's v unreasonable

Fucking hell OP, your 'D'H is a tool. And a stupid one at that.

I hope you have support

Can we all agree on what FudgeFace said? Awesome advice. Need any of us say more?

Oh, I forgot to say I'm a regular... penis beaker blah blah blah.

I thought the name said it all. I have 2-3 RL friends on here who know who I am online.

I'm trying to decide between spare room or his parents for him. They're in the same county so not far. I have the DDs to put to bed and get up for clubs in the morning so shouting will have to wait.

Have to disagree with you again, Girl.

Perfectly able to maintain a relationship where one wants sex and the other doesn't by talking and showing love in other ways until both are in the shagging zone.

Parents

I dunno, I'm sure this kind of setup works in some relationships where one party wants sex but the other doesn't. Obviously there needs to be some openess about it but it certainly works for some people. Given that you seem fairly calm about it perhaps you could genuinely consider an open relationship?

dorasee
and FudgeFace

Actually I've always wanted to say the whole of 'Fuck off to the far side...'

agree with fudgeface . if you can't have it out with him , stuff some things in a bag and leave on the doorstep. Then a) saying he's all hers - warts, crabs and all .

Parents without doubt.

I am sure the children want to see him but no way can you welcome him home and keep quiet until they are out of the way.

rogerthecabinboy - calm yes. Open relationship? Never.

B. friend her, and wait for the panicked conversation on email to ensue?

Different strokes for different folks!

I'd text him telling him to pick up some condoms on his way home. When he asks why tell him it's for his rendezvous with the other woman, you don't want to catch anything afterall

God, when I read stuff like this, it makes my blood boil. I'd do a), NCA.

Or, instead of that reason, when he asks reply with 'Just incase you fancied some morning sex....'

And forsaking all others....

I think you need to decide whether you want to save your marriage or not.

If you do stop their relationship taking the next step. If not let him meet her as he will incriminate himself again via text and you will have proof for divorce

TripTrap - you've reminded me that in RL I need toilet roll. Maybe I could send a message saying 'Since you're a shit you know all about toilet roll. Pick some up when you get the condoms for Sunday'

I'd be torn between not letting on I know at all, to see whether he really intends to act on his messages, or packing his bag, leaving it at the front door with a note saying "since OW seems keen on the idea of morning sex, I am sure she'll be happy to give you a bed for the night"

Then turn my phone etc off and leave him to stew.

I would definitely take a screenshot or print off their conversation.

Yes, TripTrap I must say it would be good to quote some parts of that exchange with the potential OW verbatim, just to watch his face.

The emails have been saved, forwarded and printed btw