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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do something a bit evil to my stupid stupid DH...

876 replies

NameChangeAnon · 29/10/2014 16:37

Having just found flirting emails with a woman in which morning sex etc is discussed. He's doing it from his phone NOW. The laptop I'm using was going to be his but is now mine. It has his outlook loaded though and the messages pop up in a corner.

So this popped up a minute ago:

From DH

Fun sounds good......
Looking forward to giving you a hug...
And you kissing me back.....

The conversation previously started with a selfy of a woman wearing a quite nice going out dress and talk of the time in the morning the message was sent.

DH replied

You will have to think of some methods of waking me up early too then ....;) x

The woman replied

Oh I have my ways ?? don't you just love morning sex !! Xx

DH replied

You will just have to remind me.....
I can't remember the last time I had morning sex:(

The woman replied

This could possibly turn out to be a lot of fun xx

before DH sent the message that popped up

I don't think he's cheated on me. I think he's a prat. I'm sitting here eating a biscuit that DD2 (4) brought for me and drinking tea planning my next move.

Obviously I'm going to shout at him AT LENGTH at some point.

So do I do any of the following - I am a bitchy cow brazen enough to do this.

a) reply to the message chain with. Errr. Hi I'm NCA and my DH is a prat who forgets I have his laptop with his email loaded.

b) Send a friend request to her on FB. After all we have the same taste in men and friendships are based on less.

c) Reply to the text he's just sent me thanking him for taking time out of his day to converse with me rather than just

d) anything else you can recommend bearing in mind all I can find is this convo.

BTW I know that our current lack of intimacy is an issue with him. I am not all that interested in having sex and this has been the case for a few years. We have young DDS and no time to ourselves plus he works away on a regular basis (really works away rather than anything else. He would be able to sneak the odd night away if he wanted but I have his rota and his departure and arrivals home are in keeping with his hours).

So WIBU to reply to them both?

OP posts:
themitch21 · 29/10/2014 18:10

OP, I really admire your poise and humor in face of such a horrible situation but if you need a castration service before Sunday I'd be happy to oblige.

NamesNick · 29/10/2014 18:13

op when is he due home? how much thinking time do you have?

DillydollyRIP · 29/10/2014 18:14

Option A. Send him off to his parents, he can explain to them why.

tinylttletrotters · 29/10/2014 18:16

I would have to correct their grammar like siiiiiigh suggested

Allhallowspeeve · 29/10/2014 18:18

I wouldn't post anything. I would just wait and watch.

I would gather as much information you can over the next few days and look out fir messages near Sunday confirming plans.

He is planning on fucking her. Poor poor him forgot what morning sex is like hey...

My SIL has just divorced her cheating bastard exh (paras) for 18 years worth of fucking about behind her back.

Where do you go from here?

Original poster
NameChangeAnon · 29/10/2014 18:18

I've decided I'm going to let him in. Then play it by ear depending on how I feel.

No idea really. A few scenarios running through my head where I'm super cool about how I deal with it.

I do love him though, and that's why my reactions will depend on his. It's not going to be good though is it? We're just finishing a major and stressful revamp of our house to set up our future together and now this.

I will say that depending on his reactions I wouldn't be going straight to a solicitor.

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChangeAnon · 29/10/2014 18:19

themitch21 theatres was my old nursing speciality. I can do a good job of it! Grin

OP posts:
guitarosauras · 29/10/2014 18:20

Ask him later what time of day is his favorite to make love. Say nothing else, just sit back and watch his face.

BettyOff · 29/10/2014 18:21

NCA you are awesome and he's a silly knob that has obviously overlooked just how much he has to loose for a quick shag.

You need to decide where you want to go from here before he gets home.

If you just want to put a stop to this because you're fairly sure if he hasn't shagged her you'll let him stay then say something in their conversation. It's a quick and easy way of showing her what a knob he is, what a fool she is and how strong you are.

If you want to see if he goes any further with it then it's probably best to say nothing, try and act normal, watch the conversation and start putting some basic plans in place of the things you'll need to get hold of/get copies of etc if you decide he needs to leave.

If you just talk to him about it without saying anything in the conversation you run the risk of him minimising it all and then contacting her through another channel and OW still not knowing that actually he's in an otherwise happy marriage and is a scumbag.

I personally would go with the printed conversation and packed bag at the door with another note telling him not to knock/try and get in as you've told the DC he's stuck at work and then arrange a time convenient to you for a conversation about where to go from here.

Best of luck OP.

Xmasdinnerbonanza · 29/10/2014 18:21

He is arranging to go fuck someone else and your not thinking about leaving him. He isn't a prat op he is a cheating cunt!

Hope you gather up your self esteem from the floor and show him the door.

Earsareconstantlyringing · 29/10/2014 18:22

Oh OP, you poor bugger. Yet again I'm blown away by the dignity and amazing use of humour in these bloody horrible circumstances. Like so many other posters have said OP, just think carefully about what you want out of this. Do you feel that this is a line too far and you can't recover from it, or are you prepared to give him time to talk it through? Either way, we're all rooting for you and hope you're doing OK as the shock wears off and the hurt creeps in.

Runwayqueen · 29/10/2014 18:24

Option a for me.

Your a calmer woman than I was. Good luck op

Itsfab · 29/10/2014 18:24

I suspect if you are not 100% your usual self when he arrives home he will suspect something and be on you. Don't let him blame you for any of this. Don't let him shit all over your life any more than he already has. Be careful. I hate him and I don't' even know him.

Original poster
NameChangeAnon · 29/10/2014 18:24

Xmasdinner - my self esteem is rock solid. Well I did have a tiny wobble about a hobby and facing someone who's much more vocal and organised than I am while I am the organiser. This was a month or so back and it took at least 15 mins to dig in my handbag for my grip.

But our relationship has had more ups and downs than some. This is not the lowest down, that was 2005.

OP posts:
Libitina · 29/10/2014 18:26

NCA, as a fellow theatre scrub nurse, whos DH is also in the Armed Forces, I feel for you.

I'd also go with pinning a copy of the conversation on the front door but with his stuff chucked all over the garden. I'd also be giving everyone else a copy too.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Gruntfuttock · 29/10/2014 18:27

I don't think I'd be able to resist mentioning morning sex.

fuzzpig · 29/10/2014 18:28

I wouldn't let him in. I'd just phone his mum and tell him that you've found out he's planning to cheat, and could he please stay at hers. And then join in the email conversation saying as much.

PaulaJane37 · 29/10/2014 18:29

Dear OP I'm gutted for you! I too have been in a similar situation but luckily we were "only" engaged at the time so I was able to kick him to the kerb! I think your nursing experience and shock is keeping you calm, I've got 20 years as a cop so I know what you mean about staying calm in a crisis.
I don't think you will be able to keep it in long enough to wait until Sunday without saying something but if you could I would firstly try to get a look at his phone and get further evidence so that you have as much facts as possible, secondly I'd ask him if you guys could go away for the weekend together including Sunday night and see how he reacts, if he's desperate to see her he will do anything to dissuade you from a weekend away of potential sex and I think then you will know whether his heart is in your marriage, alternatively, and I'd be tempted to do this, get a baby sitter on Sunday and follow the fucker to the hotel, let them get a few drinks and walk in "hi remember me? Mother of your kids?" And to the woman "I'd like to see a bill of clean health from the std clinic before you shag my husband please you filthy slut!" I'd also be tempted to see if her Facebook profile is public and then post copies of the emails on to her page and let her friends know that their husbands aren't safe with this bitch about!!
Please let us know how you get on, and we are here for you!!!!! Xxx

ScrambledEggAndToast · 29/10/2014 18:30

"Hi honey, get me a cuppa will you"

"Hiya honey, shall I get your piles cream for you?"

"I've got the tablets for the worms, shall I bring them in for you?"

Or anything like that evil laugh

Itsfab · 29/10/2014 18:31

How old are you children, NCA?

Nativity3 · 29/10/2014 18:34

Make sure you delete the forwarded emails (I'm guessing to yourself) from the sent box so he doesn't find out you've forwarded them.

You are handling it so much better than I would op! Halloween Smile

TheRealAmandaClarke · 29/10/2014 18:35

She knows he is married for sure.
Whilst I know, as a married man he has the responsibility for his relationship, I also think that women owe each other some respect in this area. In any relationship its easy to feel temptation. Its just not on to entertain that with someone else's husband.

DorothyBastard · 29/10/2014 18:37

OP, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. What a total wankbadger. You are being so strong to hold it together in front of the DCs, well done you.

Original poster
NameChangeAnon · 29/10/2014 18:37

The DDs are 5.8 and 4. They know Daddy is coming home today, but off on a course after the weekend (the meet up is obviously on the way. The course is a work one and I have his schedule so it is real and not a mid-week long shag fest under the guise of a course. If he went again quite quickly(ie tonight) it could be passed of as normal.

The anger is beginning to creep in. It's more that we have plans as a family and now he's unsettling the fun days out we were going to have. OK I can carry on but what a bastard huh?

OP posts:
Itsfab · 29/10/2014 18:42

Your life has already changed no matter what happens in the next few hours but you can still have your days out with your DD's.

Oh, what a wanker. Such a pathetic man.

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