To do something a bit evil to my stupid stupid DH...

[NameChangeAnon]

Having just found flirting emails with a woman in which morning sex etc is discussed. He's doing it from his phone NOW. The laptop I'm using was going to be his but is now mine. It has his outlook loaded though and the messages pop up in a corner.

So this popped up a minute ago:

From DH

Fun sounds good......
Looking forward to giving you a hug...
And you kissing me back.....

The conversation previously started with a selfy of a woman wearing a quite nice going out dress and talk of the time in the morning the message was sent.

DH replied

You will have to think of some methods of waking me up early too then ....;) x

The woman replied

Oh I have my ways ?? don't you just love morning sex !! Xx

DH replied

You will just have to remind me.....
I can't remember the last time I had morning sex:(

The woman replied

This could possibly turn out to be a lot of fun xx

before DH sent the message that popped up

I don't think he's cheated on me. I think he's a prat. I'm sitting here eating a biscuit that DD2 (4) brought for me and drinking tea planning my next move.

Obviously I'm going to shout at him AT LENGTH at some point.

So do I do any of the following - I am a bitchy cow brazen enough to do this.

a) reply to the message chain with. Errr. Hi I'm NCA and my DH is a prat who forgets I have his laptop with his email loaded.

b) Send a friend request to her on FB. After all we have the same taste in men and friendships are based on less.

c) Reply to the text he's just sent me thanking him for taking time out of his day to converse with me rather than just

d) anything else you can recommend bearing in mind all I can find is this convo.

BTW I know that our current lack of intimacy is an issue with him. I am not all that interested in having sex and this has been the case for a few years. We have young DDS and no time to ourselves plus he works away on a regular basis (really works away rather than anything else. He would be able to sneak the odd night away if he wanted but I have his rota and his departure and arrivals home are in keeping with his hours).

So WIBU to reply to them both?

MN can we have a sticky out tongue emoticon?

I don't have much choice on the living arrangements. Well actually I do, but it's at a financial cost and he's away 50% of the time.

What else do you do when there a house with a mortgage. It's in his name. I cannot kick him out, he cannot kick me out. I can leave but then I have to consider the DDs. It would take at least 2 months to arrange my other accommodation to be free and I'll be messing up the living arrangements of another single mother with 2 DC who is a long term tenant. She's on HB and there are threads about LL who refuse to have those. Not that I have to worry about her situation, but people and their well being was my career and is my habit.

You are such a star elfy. I just meant it's not ideal rather than you're being an idiot. x

elfy, your concern for your tenant does you credit.

Could you use the rental proceeds to rent somewhere yourself?

We do what we have to do to get to where we want to be in the end. If he's gone half the time it'll be easier to deal with him, but it also reinforces to him that nothing has changed no matter what you are saying to him. That things may be 'rocky' (separate beds, silence, no sex) but that you'll 'come around' in the end, you're 'just sulking'. He's going to believe what he wants to believe, at least for awhile. You just need to be prepared for the day the truth dawns on him that your marriage is 'in name only' as he'll probably turn ugly. Not that he'd turn violent or abusive, necessarily, just that living in the same house may become tense and unpleasant, iyswim. That you'll have to be constantly on the defensive with him.

If you haven't, see a solicitor. At least clarify your legal position in your own mind. Many women on MN have spoken of being able to stay in the marital home with the children until they are grown, then the house has to be sold. Or perhaps you could help your tenant find a new home. I'd think as a landlord, you'd have great weight in recommending her as a tenant.

Just take care of yourself and your DCs.

I wasn't saying you aren't funny any more, sorry if I have upset you. I just feel you didn't sound as focussed and strong and like you might take him back.

Of course you are tired. You have had a horrible experience and it tires you out physically as well as emotionally [energy]]

Put your children first. Commendable to think of others but you have to think of your children and you.

elfy you sound so lovely, even through everything you are thinking of others, and to you. Make sure that in looking after DD's you look after you too!

Itsfab oops, I didn't read your post before posting

Lol Itsfab, ever heard of irony? It's close cousin to gallows humour. I think we discussed our sense of humour upthread.

I'm still waiting to arrange to go for a beer.

Don't worry I am fine.I'm just in a muddle trying to find 'me' inside all the other stuff.

A. Then tell him you need to talk. Work out exactly what you want and stick to your guns. You sound classy and in control. As my DH often said there is nothing sexier than a woman with her S&£t together xx

I was more replying concerning curlyweasel's comment and just being polite in case I had upset you.

Wake him up at 5pm and say fancy some morning sex.

Be Practical. It doesn't sound as though you've gone for revenge(though I missed 20 odd pages of this) however you mustn't let this useless man door,pmat you into just forgetting the whole thing. If you can't divorce him(or won't) the make him accept what he's done and possibly withdraw his distractions/entertainments for a while until he grows up. If he will behave like a selfish child, then treat him like one.

Just read this whole thing.

What a star you've been. Best of luck Elfy.

Good morning Elfy/NCA
I saw the hairy one last night, he sends love, hugs and a great big 'that fuck for that' that you are ending the torture that has been marriage to the Sulk ( you did know that was what he got called?)
I know the elfycat we love is in there because I see her sparking through this thread, still caring for others, bright intelligence and now we are getting back the wonderful woman that cretin has been burying
Shall I start singing now?

Itsfab - wasn't having a pop. Sorry if it seemed that way. X x

Dunwhingin you sound like a fab friend. You're also saying same stuff my fab friends have said to me.

I'm 4 months in, old me still finding it's way out. Today doing something I like that wouldn't have had chance to do with my (ex) cretin burying me.

Sad about failed marriage and not having family I wanted but glad not in the misery anymore.

Slowly slowly we'll all get there.

Just checking in to see how you are elfy? I've watched the thread.. Hope things are going ok for you at the moment. How has he been at home? Hope the dds are coping ok.

The DDs are fairly oblivious to the fact that anything is wrong. I'm sleeping in another room but we've passed that off as I have a cold and I was coughing all night (true).

The adrenaline is fully wearing off. I'm headachy, upset, angry and conflicted.

So probably right where I should be.

London was good yesterday and the kids were little stars (apart from DD2 leaving her backpack unattended for 20 seconds in the National Gallery. I soon told the woman chastising me to get a grip, or feel free to have my 4 year old arrested. Yes I know security is tight love but she's not quite 4!). Thank goodness for the little Lego Creator sets. And the Lego Movie which kept them occupied for over an hour while we waited.

Hold onto your anger - it will help.

Have you seen a solicitor yet?

You're doing wonderfully. There is no.right or wrong way to do things like this, there's just taking of our best option day by day.

Much love and strength to you, you are a shining star!

Taking your, not taking of our.

I'm glad the weekend went well. I think you're going to be on an emotional roller coaster for awhile. Just use the emotions that move you forward, try to ignore the emotions that drag you back.

Been thinking of you Elfy - you're doing a great job of keeping it all together. Chin up xx