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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

..To think we British people are becoming insufferably smug and aggressive?

165 replies

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 11:35

It's Sunday morning and I'm not here to start a fight. But after a fair few years on this earth, I was asking my partner this morning AIBU for thinking we are becoming some of the smuggest, aggressive, entitled people in our history?

The last month has felt like a microcosm of this world I describe. My life is ok - I have some money, I have a great other half, I am neither rich nor poor. I live near a school, it's a house with a driveway and we like the house because it's close to local shops and the station. I don't want to move. Yet every other day I have a large car, 4x4 or otherwise it doesn't matter, blocking my driveway for at least half an hour. For what it's worth, because I am someone who works unusual hours, I actually need to get my car off the driveway. Why is it that every mother I politely speak to about this ("I'm afraid I need to use my driveway regularly, could you find another space please) either 1) glares at me 2) tells me to f_ck off 3) tells me "not to speak to her family that way" (um...I wasn't addressing her child!) the list goes on.

These mothers all tend to be the same. Glaring, aggressive, believing only in their own world. It's the usual regular suspects. Yes, I can call the council and have done. Yes, I could move house but I don't want to. It's the aggressiveness of the British woman that amazes me, with the default to tell me "don't talk to me - just solve the problem I and others have caused you". Whatever happened to starting with yourself?

The month got even better. I'm at a Sainsbury's car park, it's rammed with cars, not sure how many spaces left, in any case I find one and am looking to reverse...when lo! a woman appears from behind a parked car and stands directly in the path of my car. When I politely inquire out of the window "excuse me is everything ok" she belligerently replies "can't you see this space is taken?" and then waves forward a car about six car lengths back from behind me. What on earth?! I keep moving forward, she tells me to f_ck off (familiar words to me). I'm told I sound smug for challenging her, but to be honest this is lunacy to me. What makes her so entitled?

And then it gets ridiculous. Dinner with my friend last night. She's a teacher, 5'8", pretty, slim, lives on her own and doesn't have a whole bunch of money. She happens to be a good sportswoman though, yet tells me she is being bullied by two members of her team. These are so-called 'society women', who relentlessly criticised her this summer for "always wearing t-shirts" (!) that they felt were distracting their husbands. These women happen to be a little larger than her, richly festooned with watches etc, but are clearly taking early shots in what they perceive to be a war against her natural youth and figure. They rub it in that she has no money, as if she is there at the grace of her sponsors. They endlessly talk about how their house "has made £50,000 in the last six months" (despite not having realised its value by selling up). So what about her clothing Well, I have seen her t-shirts. They are crew neck, they fit her, she is a happy and young sportswoman who enjoys her life. What is wrong with British women?

Why are people at my friend's work so quick to criticise the Eastern European business support assistant who sits at work, never saying boo to a goose, always friendly, but doesn't fit the size 14-18 Lindt chocolate scoffing, Greek island-hopping, mortgage-comparison set? I hardly think any of this warrant her being called a 'prostitute'.

We are rapidly becoming a nation of average shaped harpies, crowing because we managed to get the bank to give us some credit; quick to boot anyone out of the way who annoys us or risks showing us up for what we are.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/10/2014 11:38

Jesus I didn't know people as closed minded as you, actually walked the earth in 2014 Shock

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 11:40

WorraLiberty - I thought that would probably be the first response I get.

Is it closed-minded to object to someone blocking my driveway, reserving car parking spaces, tearing strips off my friend for being slim and therefore a 'danger' to their wandering husband's eyes, or worst of all, calling a foreign-born woman a 'prostitute' for being different?

OP posts:
OttiliaVonBCup · 26/10/2014 11:41

I think you're wrong.

There are decent people just the way there are smug and insufferable people in all nationalities.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 26/10/2014 11:41

Well there will always be a minority of mean spirited, entitled stroppy people wherever you are in the world, not just the British.

You may have had a bad run of meeting these people but I must say I've not come across anyone fitting the description you offer.

Bowlersarm · 26/10/2014 11:43

You don't say where you are in the uk (as far as I could see) but your world is a million miles away from mine. Either I really don't come across people and situations you describe, or I'm just too easy going to let them affect me. I think it's the former.

ghostyslovesheep · 26/10/2014 11:43

your OP sounds horribly smug and passive aggressive though ...

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 11:44

StillStayingClassySanDiego - I think you're definitely one of the lucky ones.

Surrey seems to be the bastion of this type, I honestly am not a pushover but I don't see why I have to be fighting every damn person all the time for being unreasonable, falsely entitled or just plain aggressive.

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 26/10/2014 11:45

You clearly have a bee in your bonnet about this seeing as you posted something similar in January 2013.

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 11:46

ghostyslovesheep -

I thought you might say that. Why do you think I'm smug however? I don't pretend I'm flawless. I just don't go round starting sh-t storms with people I don't know, for no reason.

If I'm driving along a road, and there's not a load of parking spaces, then tough luck - I can't park there. I'm not then going to go and park over someone's drive and then tell them to f-ck off when they object to it.

I think honestly the real problem is that so many British people hate being told when they're trying it, so it turns into this strange passive aggressive war.

I for one am happy to confront those people - I just don't see why I should have to in the first place.

OP posts:
NewEraNewMindset · 26/10/2014 11:47

I honestly think this might be more about where you live than it is about 'the average UK woman?' Where do you live OP?

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 11:47

StillStayingClassySanDiego - yes. It has got worse.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/10/2014 11:48

No

What is closed minded is to type an opening post that comes across as nothing other than sexist, prejudiced claptrap.

This is your tiny little experience of your life - it's certainly not mine.

Then again, I live in a very diverse community where guess what? even Eastern European women and men can be a pain in the arse.

Some African men and women can be glaringly aggressive.

Some Russian men and women can be exactly the same as any of the British women you describe.

I don't know why I'm wasting my time dignifying this pile of nonsense really.

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 11:49

NewEraNewMindset - you might be right.

I currently live in Surrey. I have lived in a fair few parts (Tyneside, Oxford, Bournemouth) so the phenomenon I describe might have reached its nadir here, but have definitely see it elsewhere.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 26/10/2014 11:49

no of course no one should park over your drive Hmm but as to the rest - reads like a very badly written Liz Jones diatribe - try harder

I'll start you off - not all women are threatened by other women - regardless of shape or nationality ... hth

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 11:49

WorraLiberty - thanks for the education.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 26/10/2014 11:50

oh and what Worra said

NewEraNewMindset · 26/10/2014 11:50

And yes, generally living near a school is always going to end up with selfish people blocking driveways and yes those people are always going to be defensive when pulled up on it - particularly if they have a large ego.

tethersend · 26/10/2014 11:50

Smug and aggressive?

I'm the kindest person in the world, and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise.

YABU.

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 11:51

Fascinates me that you can have a post earlier on this AIBU board saying "Are all Londoners freakishly slim" yet that enormous generalisation draws no criticism...

OP posts:
Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 11:52

NewEraNewMindset -

You're spot on, I know this.

And yet I find it incredible that in today's day and age, our default reaction tends to be this:

Q: I have a problem with people parking over my driveway as I live near a school

A: If you can afford to move, do so. People are people. Living near a school, you should have known.

Sorry, but this is patently absurd, what happened to being reasonable?

OP posts:
Mumraathenoisylion · 26/10/2014 11:53

If you live near a school surely you expect some traffic outside your house...unfortunately (for you) mothers need to get their children into school safely.

If someone was standing in the space the car had possible gone round and just missed that space or be moved on by someone behind them...which is why the lady was standing in the space. (no excuse for telling you to fuck off unless you were particularly rude). It is possible they had parked next to that space and had children in the car they needed help with, I've been there before.

Your work colleagues sound ridiculous if what you are saying is true...maybe you should say something to them??? Likewise maybe your friend needs to ditch her other friends.

There are idiots in the world, instead of blaming them and getting down about it how about just finding solutions and moving on? I notice there is no mention of a man in your post, is that just a coincidence or do men do nothing to upset you?

thursday · 26/10/2014 11:53

Telling you to fuck off doesn't sound very passive aggressive, that's just aggressive.

People are wankers about parking. I have witnessed this. But as for all the fatties picking on the poor pretty people? Nope, not in my world.

Bibasbottom · 26/10/2014 11:55

Intrigued to know where you sit on the 14-18 lindt scoffing brigade / slim spectrum?

And also wondering it's relevance outside your specific example?

NewEraNewMindset · 26/10/2014 11:56

In terms of practicality. Can I suggest each and every time some cretin blocks your driveway you take your car to the end of your driveway, get out, take a photograph of the car and it's reg plate and inform the owner you will be emailing the school informing them of every time your driveway is blocked enclosing the photo of their plate. Then get in your car and blast the hooter until the birch moves Grin

Schools are normally very keen to minimise impact on local residents and a very aware of parking problems. I am sure if you email the correct person at the school each time and ask that the parent be put on notice it will slowly peter out and stop.

NewEraNewMindset · 26/10/2014 11:57

*bitch