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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

..To think we British people are becoming insufferably smug and aggressive?

165 replies

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 11:35

It's Sunday morning and I'm not here to start a fight. But after a fair few years on this earth, I was asking my partner this morning AIBU for thinking we are becoming some of the smuggest, aggressive, entitled people in our history?

The last month has felt like a microcosm of this world I describe. My life is ok - I have some money, I have a great other half, I am neither rich nor poor. I live near a school, it's a house with a driveway and we like the house because it's close to local shops and the station. I don't want to move. Yet every other day I have a large car, 4x4 or otherwise it doesn't matter, blocking my driveway for at least half an hour. For what it's worth, because I am someone who works unusual hours, I actually need to get my car off the driveway. Why is it that every mother I politely speak to about this ("I'm afraid I need to use my driveway regularly, could you find another space please) either 1) glares at me 2) tells me to f_ck off 3) tells me "not to speak to her family that way" (um...I wasn't addressing her child!) the list goes on.

These mothers all tend to be the same. Glaring, aggressive, believing only in their own world. It's the usual regular suspects. Yes, I can call the council and have done. Yes, I could move house but I don't want to. It's the aggressiveness of the British woman that amazes me, with the default to tell me "don't talk to me - just solve the problem I and others have caused you". Whatever happened to starting with yourself?

The month got even better. I'm at a Sainsbury's car park, it's rammed with cars, not sure how many spaces left, in any case I find one and am looking to reverse...when lo! a woman appears from behind a parked car and stands directly in the path of my car. When I politely inquire out of the window "excuse me is everything ok" she belligerently replies "can't you see this space is taken?" and then waves forward a car about six car lengths back from behind me. What on earth?! I keep moving forward, she tells me to f_ck off (familiar words to me). I'm told I sound smug for challenging her, but to be honest this is lunacy to me. What makes her so entitled?

And then it gets ridiculous. Dinner with my friend last night. She's a teacher, 5'8", pretty, slim, lives on her own and doesn't have a whole bunch of money. She happens to be a good sportswoman though, yet tells me she is being bullied by two members of her team. These are so-called 'society women', who relentlessly criticised her this summer for "always wearing t-shirts" (!) that they felt were distracting their husbands. These women happen to be a little larger than her, richly festooned with watches etc, but are clearly taking early shots in what they perceive to be a war against her natural youth and figure. They rub it in that she has no money, as if she is there at the grace of her sponsors. They endlessly talk about how their house "has made £50,000 in the last six months" (despite not having realised its value by selling up). So what about her clothing Well, I have seen her t-shirts. They are crew neck, they fit her, she is a happy and young sportswoman who enjoys her life. What is wrong with British women?

Why are people at my friend's work so quick to criticise the Eastern European business support assistant who sits at work, never saying boo to a goose, always friendly, but doesn't fit the size 14-18 Lindt chocolate scoffing, Greek island-hopping, mortgage-comparison set? I hardly think any of this warrant her being called a 'prostitute'.

We are rapidly becoming a nation of average shaped harpies, crowing because we managed to get the bank to give us some credit; quick to boot anyone out of the way who annoys us or risks showing us up for what we are.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 13:07

SophiaPetrillo -

I'll have trouble however avoiding -

  1. The people that park across the driveway before telling me to f-ck off (although Community Groups, patrols, school engagement are of course solutions)

  2. The people who want to play the entitlement game at supermarket car parks, in the middle lane of the motorway, et al

  3. Any others that spot a reasonably polite, mild mannered person who is friendly without being cliquey, going about their business and see this as "weak".

OP posts:
Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 13:08

Back2Two

I never said our nation was ever thus.

Hence why I spoke about class.

People are wilfully confusing

  1. A definition of our past that stands true in some sectors today (political elite, FTSE 100 boards, etc)

with

  1. A stated aim that we should be more than the hangovers of our pat
OP posts:
Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 13:10

*past

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 26/10/2014 13:11

HmmBiscuit

SparkyLark · 26/10/2014 13:12

The attacky posts on here by Worral and others just prove your point, OP.

SophiaPetrillo · 26/10/2014 13:12

Snort, it took 105 messages to get to a biscuit. Probably should have come in after 1!!

SophiaPetrillo · 26/10/2014 13:14

Sparky It's AIBU it's not an "attacky post" when the OP is challenged. It doesn't "prove" anything, and it isn't "ironic" either. Must do better.

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 13:14

SparkyLark -

This is so true... :(

OP posts:
Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 13:16

SophiaPetrillo

I welcome challenge to the argument, hence why I really appreciate some of your comments that basically showed me a different way of looking at this.

I don't really welcome the personal attacks, silly cliquey stuff, but it comes with the territory so fair play to anyone who does it.

OP posts:
Back2Two · 26/10/2014 13:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 13:18

It's all good.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/10/2014 13:19

If by 'attacky' you mean pointing out when someone is being anti British, sexist and closed minded then yes, I'm 'attacky' if you like...

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 26/10/2014 13:19

I don't see 'attacky' posts.

OP's I'm not here to start a fight implies that she suspected she was going to get some strong opinions back.

SophiaPetrillo · 26/10/2014 13:20

You're all over the place OP. You've just agreed with Sparky that you've been attacked and that these posts "prove your point" then you say you welcome challenge and you appreciate some of my comments.

I won't be contributing to this thread anymore, I've said my piece. Good luck to you OP, I hope you resolve your issues with your driveway and feel less antipathy towards women who have the temerity to be over a size 14 and have a liking for Lindt and Pandora.

In the words of Duncan Bannatyne..."Ahm oot!" Grin

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 13:23

SophiaPetrillo -

I can't explain any clearer the difference between examining an argument, and taking swipes at a person.

There's both in this thread, but if people can't differentiate then fair enough.

I don't have antipathy to women who like Lindt, I never mentioned Pandora, I don't really care what people do but I DO care if they decide to make my friend feel wretched because she doesn't fit their mould.

OP posts:
NoMarymary · 26/10/2014 13:26

Wow! Parallel universe. I only rarely get that response from people. DH does quite a bit though but he is himself aggressive and entitled in certain circumstances (driving) As for the driveway thing. Move your car in front of your own driveway first thing so it can't be blocked.

DemelzaandRoss · 26/10/2014 13:28

I agree with the OP. No matter what race you are you should be polite. Everyone should have access to leaving their house. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a typical example of a nasty, uncaring person who has been taught no manners. This is then passed to the next generation etc, etc. it's really not rocket science.

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 13:29

NoMaryMary -

You and others have the right idea, I know - I guess I'll move it in front of the driveway as a trial, and see what happens.

It obviously rankles however to have to put my car on a dropped kerb/white yellow line that I paid for (thereby potentially risking censure from the council) all because others can't actually walk more than 200 metres.

However as one of the commenters said here, this is not a fair world so why expect it to be.

Thanks again NoMaryMary, will give it a try..

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/10/2014 13:30

I think most people would agree with that Demelza

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 13:30

white yellow line?

I meant white driveway line, next to the yellow line on the road.

OP posts:
Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 13:31

DemelzaandRoss

thank you for putting so succinctly what I couldn't.

Lord forbid a free school or something opens on a road where a poster lives on, and they have to confront this..

OP posts:
Corestrategy · 26/10/2014 13:34

UANBU - However, just let it go over your head as its the only way to deal with it.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2014 13:37

OP - my mother lives on a road near a school - the parking rules changed a few years ago. no she doesn't have a drive, yes some people do, yes you get rude mothers/fathers who hog spaces etc but generally they're polite. as others have said speak to the school, community police etc

I think what gets most peoples' goats here is your 'poor you' attitude as if you and your friends/colleagues etc are the only people to get nasty comments, whether it be at work or supermarket car park etc.

It happens to all of us, however some of us have better things to do than whinge about it on MN.

Viviennemary · 26/10/2014 13:40

I disagree absolutely. A lot of people are far too tolerant and let themselves get taken advantage of by selfish people.

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 13:40

SuperFlyHigh -

So we can talk about bosses who text us while on holiday (yep, it happens to all of us) but we can't talk about things like this on MN?

Please do drop me a PM before every time I post, so I can keep within your form guidelines.

OP posts:
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