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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

..To think we British people are becoming insufferably smug and aggressive?

165 replies

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 11:35

It's Sunday morning and I'm not here to start a fight. But after a fair few years on this earth, I was asking my partner this morning AIBU for thinking we are becoming some of the smuggest, aggressive, entitled people in our history?

The last month has felt like a microcosm of this world I describe. My life is ok - I have some money, I have a great other half, I am neither rich nor poor. I live near a school, it's a house with a driveway and we like the house because it's close to local shops and the station. I don't want to move. Yet every other day I have a large car, 4x4 or otherwise it doesn't matter, blocking my driveway for at least half an hour. For what it's worth, because I am someone who works unusual hours, I actually need to get my car off the driveway. Why is it that every mother I politely speak to about this ("I'm afraid I need to use my driveway regularly, could you find another space please) either 1) glares at me 2) tells me to f_ck off 3) tells me "not to speak to her family that way" (um...I wasn't addressing her child!) the list goes on.

These mothers all tend to be the same. Glaring, aggressive, believing only in their own world. It's the usual regular suspects. Yes, I can call the council and have done. Yes, I could move house but I don't want to. It's the aggressiveness of the British woman that amazes me, with the default to tell me "don't talk to me - just solve the problem I and others have caused you". Whatever happened to starting with yourself?

The month got even better. I'm at a Sainsbury's car park, it's rammed with cars, not sure how many spaces left, in any case I find one and am looking to reverse...when lo! a woman appears from behind a parked car and stands directly in the path of my car. When I politely inquire out of the window "excuse me is everything ok" she belligerently replies "can't you see this space is taken?" and then waves forward a car about six car lengths back from behind me. What on earth?! I keep moving forward, she tells me to f_ck off (familiar words to me). I'm told I sound smug for challenging her, but to be honest this is lunacy to me. What makes her so entitled?

And then it gets ridiculous. Dinner with my friend last night. She's a teacher, 5'8", pretty, slim, lives on her own and doesn't have a whole bunch of money. She happens to be a good sportswoman though, yet tells me she is being bullied by two members of her team. These are so-called 'society women', who relentlessly criticised her this summer for "always wearing t-shirts" (!) that they felt were distracting their husbands. These women happen to be a little larger than her, richly festooned with watches etc, but are clearly taking early shots in what they perceive to be a war against her natural youth and figure. They rub it in that she has no money, as if she is there at the grace of her sponsors. They endlessly talk about how their house "has made £50,000 in the last six months" (despite not having realised its value by selling up). So what about her clothing Well, I have seen her t-shirts. They are crew neck, they fit her, she is a happy and young sportswoman who enjoys her life. What is wrong with British women?

Why are people at my friend's work so quick to criticise the Eastern European business support assistant who sits at work, never saying boo to a goose, always friendly, but doesn't fit the size 14-18 Lindt chocolate scoffing, Greek island-hopping, mortgage-comparison set? I hardly think any of this warrant her being called a 'prostitute'.

We are rapidly becoming a nation of average shaped harpies, crowing because we managed to get the bank to give us some credit; quick to boot anyone out of the way who annoys us or risks showing us up for what we are.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/10/2014 12:24

WorraLiberty

I'm British

And that ^^ has exactly what to do with the price of eggs?

exWifebeginsat40 · 26/10/2014 12:24

OP, you sound insufferable. properly, actually, please-shut-the-fuck-up insufferable. i bet that diatribe has been perfected in your head over years of feeling sidelined and never quite up to scratch. do you need a hug?

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 12:27

exWifebeginsat40 -

Are you directly telling me to "please-shut-the-f*ck-up", or do you just include indirect epithets in your sentences at random when you're trying to say something?

OP posts:
Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 12:28

Whichusername -

So a year has passed, and we're in the same position.

Apologies if you've heard this before.

OP posts:
SophiaPetrillo · 26/10/2014 12:28

The term "self fulfilling prophecy" comes to mind.

SirChenjin · 26/10/2014 12:28

Why should the OP have to do anything to stop people parking over her driveway? She hasn't done anything wrong.

SophiaPetrillo · 26/10/2014 12:32

This post isn't really about people parking over her driveway (which is a pain in the arse, but if you know when the school run is, park your car over your drive to avoid it), it's about the OP's prejudices and her determination to insist we're a nation of selfish yobs but the examples she gives hint that her own attitude may be a large part of her problem.

KnittedJimmyBoos · 26/10/2014 12:32

I think your very lucky actually, you live in a densely populated part of a very over crowded country people are fast moving and bad tempered compared to the old farmer chewing the cud on a farm gate.

I have been told many times by Polish and chinese friends that we are overly polite in this country, My polish friend said people never say hello or thankyou in shops in Poland, same with china, people bump into you and never say sorry or excuse me. Lots of prejudice and most un tackled, the society has different priorities.

We get things wrong but generally I am proud we try our best in so many areas not even on other societies agenda.

AimlesslyPurposeful · 26/10/2014 12:33

*So if someone parks outside your house, and you challenge them "Excuse me, but this is a private driveway - I'll be needing to use this in a few minutes" - then the person ignores you, you ask them again, and they say "f-ck off"

What's the deal here? Are you meant to go back inside, twitch your curtains, mutter, and call in the 'authorities' like a good person?

I think we have gone nuts sometimes...we are desperate to include third parties all the time because we've forgotten who is right and wrong and how to speak to each other.*

When you're dealing with aggressive people there are times when you do have to involve a third party.
In the situation you mention above I'd go out with my phone and take a photo of the plate if they refuse to move the car and tell them you're informing the school. They're probably quite happy to tell you to fuck off in the heat of the moment but might well be embarrassed at the thought of the school knowing they use language like that in front of their DCs.

Also, we're in Surrey too and have Community Officers (I think they're called) that hold a sort of "drop in centre" in one of our local coffee shops one afternoon a week. Do you have anything like that? It might be worth having a chat to them about what you're supposed to do when people are aggressive when they refuse to move their cars.

gamerchick · 26/10/2014 12:33

Op contact the school and ask them to get the traffic wardens out for the school run.

Our school did that and it was the most amusing thing to watch I had seen for a while.

KnittedJimmyBoos · 26/10/2014 12:34

BTW with your drive way problem you need to take it up directly with the school and ask immediate action and write down no plates to name and shame

Timetoask · 26/10/2014 12:35

Op I think by reading most of the replies you've received you are absolutely right about what the British are turning into. Once the most polite people on earth, now going down hill.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 26/10/2014 12:37

Yep, that's how we got an Empire that covered one third of the globe. By being polite.

SirChenjin · 26/10/2014 12:37

And yet the OP has been told that the solution is to simply go to the absolute, pointless, unnecessary inconvenience of parking over her own driveway every single day of the school week in order to ensure that she is able to ensure access Hmm

Of course, the crux of the matter is that there are far too many people who really don't give a shit about the residents who live next to their Cherub's school, and will park where they hell they like. And of course, they are the ones who are in the wrong, not the residents - let's not pretend otherwise.

SophiaPetrillo · 26/10/2014 12:38

Tondelay. Love it.

Maybe the OP thinks that some people just don't know "their place" any more!

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 12:38

Aimlessly Purposeful -

Thank you for this really helpful analysis and suggestion - I think the Community Officers plan sounds like the best approach, and yes - the photographing thing could definitely help with backing up some of the school convos.

Appreciate it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/10/2014 12:40

Unless of course the Community Officers happen to be British women

Then you're totally fucked...

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 12:40

SophiaPetrillo

Why does class and place have to come into it?

I don't even know what class I am. My mother, father and grandparents come from the "working class" in terms of income. I went to a university which is supposed to be the preserve of the upper class. I probably inhabit what would be called solidly middle class in terms of income, house location, or whatever other rubbish we use to measure this stuff.

So yeah, no one needs to be 'kept in their place' in my view. We just need to start talking to each other.

OP posts:
SophiaPetrillo · 26/10/2014 12:41

...and if they're slightly overweight Briitsh women with a preference for blingy watches...hmmm...you're double fucked.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2014 12:41

But OP as you succinctly put it it isn't ONLY the people parking in front of your drive that you have a beef with it's the rest of the inconsiderate lot out there.

I live on borders of SE London/Surrey perhaps I've stolen your space?!

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2014 12:42

Sophie - I'm size 12 but curvy with a penchant for blingy watches, - am I double fucked by OP then?!

SophiaPetrillo · 26/10/2014 12:43

You're the one that mentioned "class", several times in fact, you seem to be a bit hung up on it OP.

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 12:43

SophiaPetrillo -

I have nothing against these people in themselves, good luck to everyone who enjoys their life and wants to enjoy nice things.

I do have a problem with people who feel this is the ONLY way one should be, or wants to crush others because secretly all that gold and good times isn't papering over their cracks of insecurity and so they need to lash out at folk.

OP posts:
SophiaPetrillo · 26/10/2014 12:43

SuperFlyHigh. Fraid so toots. Especially if your hubby likes staring at sportswomen in tight tee shirts.