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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

..To think we British people are becoming insufferably smug and aggressive?

165 replies

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 11:35

It's Sunday morning and I'm not here to start a fight. But after a fair few years on this earth, I was asking my partner this morning AIBU for thinking we are becoming some of the smuggest, aggressive, entitled people in our history?

The last month has felt like a microcosm of this world I describe. My life is ok - I have some money, I have a great other half, I am neither rich nor poor. I live near a school, it's a house with a driveway and we like the house because it's close to local shops and the station. I don't want to move. Yet every other day I have a large car, 4x4 or otherwise it doesn't matter, blocking my driveway for at least half an hour. For what it's worth, because I am someone who works unusual hours, I actually need to get my car off the driveway. Why is it that every mother I politely speak to about this ("I'm afraid I need to use my driveway regularly, could you find another space please) either 1) glares at me 2) tells me to f_ck off 3) tells me "not to speak to her family that way" (um...I wasn't addressing her child!) the list goes on.

These mothers all tend to be the same. Glaring, aggressive, believing only in their own world. It's the usual regular suspects. Yes, I can call the council and have done. Yes, I could move house but I don't want to. It's the aggressiveness of the British woman that amazes me, with the default to tell me "don't talk to me - just solve the problem I and others have caused you". Whatever happened to starting with yourself?

The month got even better. I'm at a Sainsbury's car park, it's rammed with cars, not sure how many spaces left, in any case I find one and am looking to reverse...when lo! a woman appears from behind a parked car and stands directly in the path of my car. When I politely inquire out of the window "excuse me is everything ok" she belligerently replies "can't you see this space is taken?" and then waves forward a car about six car lengths back from behind me. What on earth?! I keep moving forward, she tells me to f_ck off (familiar words to me). I'm told I sound smug for challenging her, but to be honest this is lunacy to me. What makes her so entitled?

And then it gets ridiculous. Dinner with my friend last night. She's a teacher, 5'8", pretty, slim, lives on her own and doesn't have a whole bunch of money. She happens to be a good sportswoman though, yet tells me she is being bullied by two members of her team. These are so-called 'society women', who relentlessly criticised her this summer for "always wearing t-shirts" (!) that they felt were distracting their husbands. These women happen to be a little larger than her, richly festooned with watches etc, but are clearly taking early shots in what they perceive to be a war against her natural youth and figure. They rub it in that she has no money, as if she is there at the grace of her sponsors. They endlessly talk about how their house "has made £50,000 in the last six months" (despite not having realised its value by selling up). So what about her clothing Well, I have seen her t-shirts. They are crew neck, they fit her, she is a happy and young sportswoman who enjoys her life. What is wrong with British women?

Why are people at my friend's work so quick to criticise the Eastern European business support assistant who sits at work, never saying boo to a goose, always friendly, but doesn't fit the size 14-18 Lindt chocolate scoffing, Greek island-hopping, mortgage-comparison set? I hardly think any of this warrant her being called a 'prostitute'.

We are rapidly becoming a nation of average shaped harpies, crowing because we managed to get the bank to give us some credit; quick to boot anyone out of the way who annoys us or risks showing us up for what we are.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2014 13:44

But OP these situations won't magically change every time they're posted on here, you can't change what people say/think/do.

and you've posted not one but 3 different scenarios, deliberating being goady.

that's not say I don't agree with you to some degree and think your situations deserve your defence of them but they won't change overnight.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2014 13:44

deliberately...

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 13:46

I don't think they will change overnight. Did I ever insinuate thus?

MN is useful for hearing the spectrum of solutions; solutions which we can then try and apply into our daily lives in the hope of shifting the needle to a more positive space.

Three scenarios show the similarity of approach people in my world are taking. It's my viewpoint, I have a right to be able to express it - if it sounds like a call to changing everyone's behaviour overnight, then I will try and rephrase in future.

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2014 13:48

No you didn't but you seemed to be standing on your soapbox and complaining about these scenarios...

of course you have a right to express what you like, but unless YOU change others views then nothing will change in your own little world.

Ever heard of pay it forward? That's what I try to do. And ignore the negativity around me.

Carrierpenguin · 26/10/2014 13:52

OP yabu. I live in Surrey in a busy suburb of London. I don't recognise what you say at all and I have never been told to fuck off by a stranger or had the parking problems you describe. This is despite the fact that I live in a controlled parking area where parking is at a premium.

I don't know where you're from but you sound quite racist towards British people.

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 13:55

Carrierpenguin

I am British, I am from Britain. Is it now racist to analyse our own kind?

Good for you for not experiencing those problems. So presumably because you haven't experienced them, they cease to exist.

sigh

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/10/2014 13:59

You're not 'analysing our own kind' at all.

You're making huge, sweeping generalisations about British women, based on your tiny little experience of life.

Have you ever lived in Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland? If so, have you experienced this too from the women there?

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 26/10/2014 14:01

What is 'our own kind', surely we're just people?!

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 14:05

WorraLiberty

I've lived in two out of three of those places.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/10/2014 14:08

Fascinating... and yet you still make sweeping, sexist statements about British women.

Oh well.

Carrierpenguin · 26/10/2014 14:21

op the point I was making is that I've lived in a busy part of Surrey for twelve years and never had the issues you complain of. None of my friends or neighbours have ever mentioned this either and I think they would if they were being told to fuck off.

Right now the road outside my house is crammed with cars. I've never known an argument. You must live in a very unlucky part of Surrey to encounter such aggression.

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 14:31

CarrierPenguin

Tell me where this idyll is, so I can visit immediately and renounce my clearly warped personal views.

OP posts:
LiverpoolLou · 26/10/2014 14:32

I tend to think that if you're constantly encountering aggressive people in different places and situations then the problem is most likely to be the one common denominator: YOU!

Smilesandpiles · 26/10/2014 14:34

There's something in the water.

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 14:35

LiverpoolLou

ok...

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 26/10/2014 14:36

Have to agree with LiverpoolLou, sorry OP, but I do. I've lived in busy parts of Surrey for years, now another busy south east area. Never experienced any of the issues you say you have. It's like an alien world you are talking about.

NoMarymary · 26/10/2014 15:03

I must admit though some wierd things go on re the school run!

Most people go out of the way to help us. DD is disabled, but the one disabled spot in the school car park is usually taken by someone totally non disabled, but I just car dump and no one official will ever moan if I point to the taken disabled spot!

What bugs me though is there is a family with a huge new range rover and they have a mildly disabled boy who walks reasonable distances in leg splints yet his parents insist on the disabled spot effectively blocking off 2 other spaces which could be used and making for even more congestion! After all they have the RIGHT to use the disabled bay even though pulling forward means their boy has to walk less far Confused

DD is in a wheelchair and can't walk at all and I JUST CAN'T BE BOTHERED Grin

stayanotherday · 26/10/2014 15:51

I agree OP that some people are stuck up and entitled. I get this occasionally because I look very non threatening and they think they can. I'm getting better at being assertive and they have a shock when I call them on it!

fatlazymummy · 26/10/2014 16:35

Just read through your op again, I noticed you didn't mention any British men. Don't you come into contact with them op, or do they behave like perfect gentlemen?
Just thought I'd ask, seeing as the thread title mentions British 'people'.

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 17:13

fatlazymummy -

I'm going to stick to the perimeters of what I've experienced recently and not add things from either the past, or the figments of my imagination, just to serve whatever statistical sample set you want.

Yes there are plenty of beastly men out there, just as there are plenty of beastly people of all nationalities.

If I want to open a discussion however on Britishness and why people are acting a certain way, do I have to bring into this experiment a "control" sample of British men's behaviour just to keep you comfortable?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/10/2014 17:31

Bellepheron - if the parents are blocking your car in, you can ring the police - it is an offence to do this.

However, YABVU to categorise an entire nation, based on your, albeit unpleasant, examples. I do not block people's drives, act in an entitled manner in car parks, swear at strangers or bully women who are younger and/or slimmer and/or more attractive than me. Nor,to the best of my knowledge, do the people I know - friends, family, acquaintances

So - are you being unreasonable to be annoyed/enraged/irritated/disgusted by the things you have witnessed or had happen to you? No, you are not. But are you being unreasonable to assume everyone is like this? Yes - undoubtedly.

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 17:52

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius -

Thank you for your considered reply and fair point..

OP posts:
KERALA1 · 26/10/2014 18:06

I got flashed at repeatedly as a teenager whilst in France but don't extrapolate from that that all Frenchmen are dirty perves. Your reasoning doesn't make any sense.

ChelsyHandy · 26/10/2014 18:39

I get the impression that quite a high proportion of the rest of Europe shares the OP's views. Certainly I've heard it said many times from non-Brits that Britain is weird, British women are fat and ugly, etc.. Obviously those aren't mt views, but a lot of Europeans seem to think it. Have lived off and on in different parts of the Europe, including the UK. Currently in Scotland. Some parts of Scotland (the more northerly) are lovely, but I cannot believe how unfriendly it is. When you try to go out on your own, without a man by your side, to make new friends, to meet people, you get asked "Who are you here with? Are you on your own?" and then people will either feel sorry for you and if you are lucky, invite you to join them although by then you feel so small and unusual you are really uncomfortable or ignore you. Its like the 18th Century.

Theres a certain type of sort of slightly old fashioned formality of manners that the UK just seems to lack. I just cannot believe how many people are abusive. I went into my local gym the other morning, it is in a secondary school but is open to the public, and is beautiful, and well equipped. All I could hear was "f" this and "c" that from a group of men in their fifties. Everyone else was ignoring them. I went up to them and asked them quietly if they mind toning down the language and got the biggest load of abuse you could imagine. It was before 9am and there could have been secondary school pupils in there using it before school.

This is not a one-off. Obviously it doesn't happen every time in a gym, but theres no knowing when some random individual, male or female, will suddenly start having a go at you, including full on swearing and ranting, for something you have inadvertently done to antagonise them. Sometimes it is even daring to be moderately successful at something, in other words to be slightly different or to stick your head above the parapet.

I think a lot of it is to do with how car dependent a country it is. It menas people take less exercise and are obsessed with not having their car journeys held up. Its spectacularly badly organised in terms of transport systems.

The other thing I notice here is the abuse of women, particularly if you dare to be over 30. There is no respect for mature women, other than in a role of mother or grandmother, etc.. But the women seem to encourage it - I can pretty much write off any female friend once she has had children in terms of ever doing anything social with her again (save a few valiant exceptions!), while my French, Italian, Dutch, etc female friends seem to manage to continue living normal lives, including social lives, doing activities, etc..

mimishimmi · 26/10/2014 18:54

Some people are just obnoxious. They can be from any nationality. In my very South Asian neighbourhood, I get potshots for being a 'goree'. They are usually from the South Asian equivalent of the women you describe, others are lovely. Some double park right in the middle of the street while waiting for their relatives to come out of restaurants/grocery shops, many park in 'no parking' zones, a few ignore the road rules at crossings and roundabouts.

YABU to think it's solely a British phenomenon.