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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

..To think we British people are becoming insufferably smug and aggressive?

165 replies

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 11:35

It's Sunday morning and I'm not here to start a fight. But after a fair few years on this earth, I was asking my partner this morning AIBU for thinking we are becoming some of the smuggest, aggressive, entitled people in our history?

The last month has felt like a microcosm of this world I describe. My life is ok - I have some money, I have a great other half, I am neither rich nor poor. I live near a school, it's a house with a driveway and we like the house because it's close to local shops and the station. I don't want to move. Yet every other day I have a large car, 4x4 or otherwise it doesn't matter, blocking my driveway for at least half an hour. For what it's worth, because I am someone who works unusual hours, I actually need to get my car off the driveway. Why is it that every mother I politely speak to about this ("I'm afraid I need to use my driveway regularly, could you find another space please) either 1) glares at me 2) tells me to f_ck off 3) tells me "not to speak to her family that way" (um...I wasn't addressing her child!) the list goes on.

These mothers all tend to be the same. Glaring, aggressive, believing only in their own world. It's the usual regular suspects. Yes, I can call the council and have done. Yes, I could move house but I don't want to. It's the aggressiveness of the British woman that amazes me, with the default to tell me "don't talk to me - just solve the problem I and others have caused you". Whatever happened to starting with yourself?

The month got even better. I'm at a Sainsbury's car park, it's rammed with cars, not sure how many spaces left, in any case I find one and am looking to reverse...when lo! a woman appears from behind a parked car and stands directly in the path of my car. When I politely inquire out of the window "excuse me is everything ok" she belligerently replies "can't you see this space is taken?" and then waves forward a car about six car lengths back from behind me. What on earth?! I keep moving forward, she tells me to f_ck off (familiar words to me). I'm told I sound smug for challenging her, but to be honest this is lunacy to me. What makes her so entitled?

And then it gets ridiculous. Dinner with my friend last night. She's a teacher, 5'8", pretty, slim, lives on her own and doesn't have a whole bunch of money. She happens to be a good sportswoman though, yet tells me she is being bullied by two members of her team. These are so-called 'society women', who relentlessly criticised her this summer for "always wearing t-shirts" (!) that they felt were distracting their husbands. These women happen to be a little larger than her, richly festooned with watches etc, but are clearly taking early shots in what they perceive to be a war against her natural youth and figure. They rub it in that she has no money, as if she is there at the grace of her sponsors. They endlessly talk about how their house "has made £50,000 in the last six months" (despite not having realised its value by selling up). So what about her clothing Well, I have seen her t-shirts. They are crew neck, they fit her, she is a happy and young sportswoman who enjoys her life. What is wrong with British women?

Why are people at my friend's work so quick to criticise the Eastern European business support assistant who sits at work, never saying boo to a goose, always friendly, but doesn't fit the size 14-18 Lindt chocolate scoffing, Greek island-hopping, mortgage-comparison set? I hardly think any of this warrant her being called a 'prostitute'.

We are rapidly becoming a nation of average shaped harpies, crowing because we managed to get the bank to give us some credit; quick to boot anyone out of the way who annoys us or risks showing us up for what we are.

AIBU?

OP posts:
AimlesslyPurposeful · 26/10/2014 12:45

Parking across a drive is effectively blocking a car in. It's incredibly selfish and just not the done thing.

The short term solution does seem to be that you park across your own drive on mornings when you may need to use the car but it's so wrong that you should need to do that because inconsiderate twats don't give a shit that they've blocked your car in.

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 12:45

SophiaPetrillo -

Nah, I'm ok. I don't really care about class, hence why I don't care about "keeping people in their place" (a comment clearly based on hierarchy, even if you yourself didn't start a discussion around the word "class")

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2014 12:45

Sophia what makes me laugh is people who consider themselves middle class (eg a cut above the rest) are probably more lower middle class/working class because surely if you work, you're working class.

OP - your uni that was the preserve of the upper classes, well my SIL went to Oxford got double first in art history i think but there's no way she'd even describe herself in the way of class, she's not snobby like that.

pearpotter · 26/10/2014 12:47

It seems a bit biased against women drivers in the OP's posts. The people I notice causing most problems are delivery drivers parking thoughtlessly at rush hour and causing a mile tailback of traffic, or white van men driving aggressively, and the massive lorry that blocked me in my drive recently - twice - all driven by men.

pearpotter · 26/10/2014 12:49

if you work, you're working class.

I work. I'm a lawyer. Am I working class?

2minsofyourtime · 26/10/2014 12:49

Surrey seems to be the bastion of this type

I understand where you are coming from, Surrey is fairly wealthy in some areas and it goes to their head once money get involved. I've found particularly in Surrey if your not fanically equal your hired help and spoken to and treated accordingly.

SophiaPetrillo · 26/10/2014 12:50

Not much obsessed with class OP with your references to "these so-called society women".

As I suspected, this is a wind up. You're probably a Samantha Brick/Katie Hopkins professional troll wannabee but you're not very good at it.

I don't know anyone like the people you seem to be mixing with. I have decent friends with real values who aren't obsessed with money or jewellery or the price of their house. It's unfortunate that you seem to attract these people or fail to have anyone decent to socialise with. Maybe if you didn't judge them on their dress size they might be a bit kinder to you.

pearpotter · 26/10/2014 12:51

I agree, KJB, I find most people very polite and tolerant often in very crowded circumstances.

jellyandbeans · 26/10/2014 12:52

I actually agree with you op, too many shouty types who think the moon and stars revolve around them. I was brought up differently to this. Its sad but nothing to be done i am afraid. You do meet nice people though. Just not that many in life unfortunately.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2014 12:53

pear yes. working class. but if you think you're middle and upper too then so be it

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 12:54

SophiaPetrillo

I don't judge them on their dress size.

I notice that they are judging others on their t-shirt size (!!) and draw inference that perhaps they are not so happy with their size.

As for class, I am using someone else's framework (one I don't believe in myself) to draw inference as to what people might think I am.

Yes, if you're a lawyer and you work, you're working class - of course that's the case by word definition, but this is just semantics - the traditional meaning of class (one I hate but is still prevalent in places) is still known by many.

This is a cul de sac, not what I was originally trying to say, but hey - such is message forums.

OP posts:
Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 12:55

jellyandbeans -

Thank you.

OP posts:
SophiaPetrillo · 26/10/2014 12:57

Really? So I mis-read your reference to size 14-18 Lindt stuffing? Hmm, if that's not a judgement on dress size then I really don't know why you saw fit to include it in your OP.

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 12:59

SophiaPetrillo

No that's a fair comment, I shouldn't have framed it in that way.

I didn't frame it that way in my original post. However once the usual madness started, I drew a sweeping, slightly florid reference to these people tormenting my friend.

They don't half bang on about how great Lindt is though, a little like those great pioneers who first discovered Boden in the early 1990s.

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2014 13:00

OMG the traditional meaning of class, are you really THAT old fashioned OP?!

when my snob of a grandfather was alive (his parents were servants but high up ones to German nobility, he had nannies, private tutors etc) he certainly banged on about being upper/middle class despite in the end having lost all their money and he was now on his uppers (I think the term is).

I think my mum ocasionally referred to us as middle class when we were kids.

But if I did a straw poll amongst our friends really I don't think we choose to use labels like class to define us.

SophiaPetrillo · 26/10/2014 13:01

I have no interest in either Lindt or Boden or Pandora or many other things that seem to get under your skin. I really think you need to lighten up, most of us are independent thinkers, you seem to have surrounded yourself with people who are not.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2014 13:01

OP - Lindt is good though maybe not as good as hmmm I don't know....

but you'll get ganging up on anywhere in any offices and sometimes yes people use someone else to gang up on and for whatever reason. I'm sure the person they gang up on is quite able to fight their own battles, unless it's bullying then she should see HR.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2014 13:02

Sophia - so you don't want this nice Lindt bar here? Cake but should be chocolate!

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 13:02

SuperFlyHigh

Nope, I'm not that old fashioned.

I don't really care.

I was trying to make a point in reply to someone talking about 'putting people in their place' which I think is patently absurd.

We should be a nation where anyone can achieve anything, and where home ownership, inherited wealth, land and status shouldn't either propel or hold back people.

If you however think those days have been completely dispatched to the history books, then I'd like some of what you consume each day.

OP posts:
pearpotter · 26/10/2014 13:03

I'm certainly from a working class background, and don't mind being called working class at all, but I think most people would laugh me out of town if I called myself anything other than middle class.

Bellerophon · 26/10/2014 13:04

SophiaPetrillo

I agree with you.

OP posts:
SophiaPetrillo · 26/10/2014 13:04

Thanks SuperFly but I'm not that keen on chocolate. And I'd probably buy the Aldi version anyway Blush.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2014 13:04

OP you banged on about what class you were just now and getting worked up over what others say/think and it impacting on you.

I'm sure if you actually spoke to these people involved they're not as bothered as you are about it. And with that I'm out of here!

SophiaPetrillo · 26/10/2014 13:05

I agree with you. There's your answer then, change your friendship group, avoid the ones that wind you up.

Back2Two · 26/10/2014 13:06

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