AIBU to scream at this person that I can't bloody afford to go part time?!

[dottytablecloth]

Am getting so pissed off with a fellow teaching colleague.

I went back full time after my first baby and now am on maternity leave waiting on dc2.

There is a colleague at work who had her first baby and came back to teaching 3 days, good for her, I'm happy. But the thing is, she goes on constantly about how amazing working part time is, how she just loves the time at home. Will randomly say in the staff room dotty I don't know how you do it! I could never work full time with a baby, blah! blah.

Well the long and short of it is, I can't afford to go to 2-3 days a week. My school are kindly letting me come back 4 days a week after this mat leave but as I'm the highest earner even that will be a stretch, doable but we will notice it.

It's every blooming day she goes on about it, it's really starting to annoy me. Mi would love to be 2-3 days a week but I just can't afford it.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? How do I deal with this annoying woman? It maybe sounds minor but is really bugging me, as yes, I'm a bit envious.

Help me feel like I'm not the only person that has to work full time with kids please!

I went back to work full time (in a school) when DS2 was 6 months, and have experienced exactly the same - lots of sad head tilts about not knowing how I can do it, and part-timers-after-ML are the worst. "I just couldn't do it". Bet you could if you had to!

Well, yes YWBU to scream at her, but if I were you I'd say (nicely) to her that, Yes, it is hard, but, your family finances dictate that you can't do any less than 0.8, and you do find it difficult when she keeps bringing it up, as you'd love to have that choice, but don't.
End of.

A slightly different thing, but people keep asking me if I'll go back to work. I have started to say 'well if I want to keep the house and pay the bills then yes'.

People are generally meaning to be sympathetic btw, not nasty. It is hard for anyone, but doubly hard when you have a babies / babies / toddlers and no sleep.

Next time she says it smile sweetly and say "oh no, I hate spending time with my kids!".

Why is it only women have to put up with this.

Dh went back to work when dd was 4 weeks old ( 2 weeks hoilday and 2 week PL) not 1 comment about him returning to work full time.

hollie that's it! the sad head tilts, so annoying!

To be honest I work 4 days - don't have toddlers or babies, my kids are school age - and I think that it's a great arrangement. I still feel fully "in the loop" with work but really enjoy my day off! :)

How many of your male colleagues wih children does she ask as well? This drives me absolutely bats. You shouldn't be made to feel you have to explain your decision. I have stopped answering the question 'are you full or part time' on the grounds that nobody has ever asked my partner what hours he works.

I teach full time (I'm also currently on maternity leave with dc2) and will be going back full time after this.

Also meant to say that because I am 4 days I get a decent time table. The ones who only work 2 or 3 days tend to be the ones who get loads of split classes and bottom sets / no A'level. Maybe she is protesting too much!

I'm confused. I thought you said you were on maternity leave?

Just shrug back that you do it because you want to, you could ever go part-time and be at the mercy of someone's income, how 1950s, you know so many women who went part-time and were trapped with some man they no longer loved because of money, who were dumped by the man then unable to support themselves, how bored you'd be chained to the kitchen sink making small talk about nappies and toys with a bunch of feeble minded women, blah blah blah. Do this every time until she shuts up.

insancerre I've just gone on mat leave but it was constant before I went off. Have actually just had a text from this teacher wishing me well and saying I should definitely come back 2-3 days!

She doesn't want to job share with you does she?

I'd say the nuclear option here is to turn the head tilt on her and say "aren't you terribly worried that your career will stall if you only work 3 days?" I'm not sure that I'd risk it".

See how she likes it.

I work FT and have recently had similar from a home schooling mother of five who said she feared for my children and pitied my husband. She's an ex - friend now.

It's a sad fact that a man who does choose to go part-time when he becomes a father will probably get inquisitive questions and there will be comments behind his back.

As for OP's problem= what BackForGood said.

Be candid with her - say "it's great that your financial position allows you to only work 2/3 days per week, but if we want to keep our heads above water I have to work full time. I would very much appreciate it if you didn't mention it again."

Honestly, it may not even have occurred to her that you don't have a choice, so until you are upfront with her she will keep banging on about it.

Just tell the truth. Nothing wrong with saying that it's great she's happy with her part time arrangement, but that financially it wouldn't work for you. Then change the subject.
(I had similar discussions with colleagues when I went back to work on a nearly full time schedule, rather than half time).

No, she has a lovely job share teacher

just say it. People said it to me ( hopefully not in the same situation)!

dont do the ' dont mention it again' line

that sounds prissy

I would text back and be blunt - thanks for your good wishes but please stop referring to my working hours.

These ops never fail to amaze me. I really do find it hard to fathom that a grown adult cannot just say "I can't afford to work part time" (or whatever) to a colleague.

I know some people have trouble being assertive, but the comments/conversation in the op doesn't even require you to be assertive. Just to state the truth matter-of-factly. Honestly what is the big deal??

Text back - I would love to but we cant afford it with a smiley face and leave it at that