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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to scream at this person that I can't bloody afford to go part time?!

94 replies

dottytablecloth · 25/10/2014 18:29

Am getting so pissed off with a fellow teaching colleague.

I went back full time after my first baby and now am on maternity leave waiting on dc2.

There is a colleague at work who had her first baby and came back to teaching 3 days, good for her, I'm happy. But the thing is, she goes on constantly about how amazing working part time is, how she just loves the time at home. Will randomly say in the staff room dotty I don't know how you do it! I could never work full time with a baby, blah! blah.

Well the long and short of it is, I can't afford to go to 2-3 days a week. My school are kindly letting me come back 4 days a week after this mat leave but as I'm the highest earner even that will be a stretch, doable but we will notice it.

It's every blooming day she goes on about it, it's really starting to annoy me. Mi would love to be 2-3 days a week but I just can't afford it.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? How do I deal with this annoying woman? It maybe sounds minor but is really bugging me, as yes, I'm a bit envious.

Help me feel like I'm not the only person that has to work full time with kids please!

OP posts:
greenbananas · 25/10/2014 18:58

Tell her the truth - that you'd love to work part time, simply can't afford to and are jealous of the day that you can. Explain that it gets you down talking about it, and would rather leave the subject alone since there's nothing you can do about it.

If she carries on after that, she has issues!

Enjoy your maternity leave.

1lov3comp5 · 25/10/2014 18:58

I'm on mat leave with dc2 and my mil is driving me mad saying this as well - 'would you not go down to 3 days?' And 'aww it's going to be awful leaving the children for 5 full days, surely you could take parental leave'....i have to point out everytime that working 3 days means a 40% pay cut and that I think my kids would prefer a roof over their head to my being there a bit more Angry

Pumpkinification · 25/10/2014 19:01

Perhaps you need to be blunt with her. She obviously doesn't care about how you feel / it hasn't even occurred to her that you might not want to discuss your financial situation with her. I'd be tempted to say something pretty blunt to her, to force her to think how thoughtless she is being by going on about it.

Original poster
dottytablecloth · 25/10/2014 19:03

mintyy the point, actually, us why should I have to declare my finances to a colleague.

Surely if someone is working full time with kids (or without) it's no one else's business. It's the constant discussion about my working hours that is getting me down.

OP posts:
Phalarope · 25/10/2014 19:06

But why should you have to blame finances? Because if money were no object, we'd all be SAHMs? There is a reason I didn't choose a career in childcare and it is that longterm, I am crap at it. I am very good at my job.

It is a question that is almost only asked of women and if it annoys you, there is no need to explain or justify your decision.

ssd · 25/10/2014 19:06

agree just tell her why, though you'll probably get the head tilt and the poor you look even more!

Nanny0gg · 25/10/2014 19:08

how bored you'd be chained to the kitchen sink making small talk about nappies and toys with a bunch of feeble minded women, blah blah blah

Nice.

Yep. Try that one.

DressingGownFrown · 25/10/2014 19:08

Probably not the most mature but I would turn it back on her,
e.g,
Aren't you worried about your career?!
Don't you feel bad for your husband having all the responsibility?!
Aren't you worried about the example you set your children in the future compared to their friends with working parents?
It's so sad that you don't enjoy your job like I do. (sad head tilt)
etc

(disclaimer: work/parenting is a personal choice)

Alsoflamingo · 25/10/2014 19:10

Yup - it's stooping low, but I'd go with DressingGown's angle….

Llareggub · 25/10/2014 19:10

I've worked every working pattern known to man. Worst in part time IMO; full time hours for part time pay. It's crap. I just say that to people who bang on about it.

ArsenicChaseScream · 25/10/2014 19:12

how bored you'd be chained to the kitchen sink making small talk about nappies and toys with a bunch of feeble minded women, blah blah blah

Hmm
WobbilyFang · 25/10/2014 19:13

I teach 2 days a week and I do love it but...
a) I have no career progression and
b) Financially I wouldn't be very much better off if I worked full time, so I don't bother. Childcare is v. expensive round here, and with the extra cost of travel etc it isn't worth it.

If it made more sense financially I would probably work more. Teaching is a very important profession and you are setting a great example to your kids by choosing a career that helps others and by being independent.

FishWithABicycle · 25/10/2014 19:13

I think you should text back politely pointing out that it's a bit tactless to keep going on about the luxury of being part time, which is a luxury you personally can't afford.

Phalarope · 25/10/2014 19:15

I would say (and have said in the past) that I don't discuss my working hours unless my male colleagues with kids are also being questioned.

I admit this is a bit grumpy. But it doesn't criticise anyone else's choices, and it does stop the pestering.

Nanny0gg · 25/10/2014 19:15

Aren't you worried about the example you set your children in the future compared to their friends with working parents?

I don't get this one. Why is being a SAHP quite so wrong? If both parents agree and it's affordable, why is being at home with your children such a bad thing?

If you have to go to work, if you choose to go to work, fine. But staying at home doesn't make you a bad person, or a bad example.

NanFucker · 25/10/2014 19:15

I've just gone full time after being part time and it is so much easier, part time is rubbish, still all the stress and same amount of workload but less money.

It's horrible when people keep asking, I just started saying 'if I want a roof over my head I have no choice'

LokiBear · 25/10/2014 19:17

Are you me? Same profession, same judgy comments and I am the main earner too! I once told mil during one of her 'you could go part time if you REALLY wanted too' rants that the only way I could go part time is that if her son were to give up the job he loves and earn more money. Apparently, if I REALLY wanted it, id find another way.Hmm

paxtecum · 25/10/2014 19:21

how bored you'd be chained to the kitchen sink making small talk about nappies and toys with a bunch of feeble minded women, blah blah blah

Really?

That's not a good statement.

ArsenicChaseScream · 25/10/2014 19:21

I would say (and have said in the past) that I don't discuss my working hours unless my male colleagues with kids are also being questioned.

Now THAT is a good response.

HowDidThatWorkOut · 25/10/2014 19:23

I would just say something along the lines of..

I don't know if you realise but some people might get irritated when you go on about working part time......

.... some people don't have the luxury of giving up part of their salary...

... I just thought I'd let you know because I'm sure you don't wont to be thought of as tactless

Whippet81 · 25/10/2014 19:24

I've just gone on maternity leave I've had exactly the same - most often 'ahh bet you don't come back'. I just haven't got the choice.

Azquilith · 25/10/2014 19:25

I just tell people I'd chew my own arm off if I needed to spend all day at toddler groups and drinking coffee. Seems to work.

number2093847 · 25/10/2014 19:25

''I'd love to but its just not possible sadly''

13Stitches · 25/10/2014 19:26

I've had this, but I reply in complete honesty that I'd crack up if I went part time. I don't know how SAH parents do it , you know, I love DS but I'm just not cut out for not working. And the things I've done in the years since he arrived I'd never have managed part time. I'd also not be quite as... assertive, if I a) hadn't had him or b) worked ft.

It works for us.

(And honestly, quietly, I really, genuinely, do despair at what women taking extended career breaks will do. What about their pensions? How will they keep up with the relentless development? But then, there's plenty of teaching time left till we're 68)

emotionsecho · 25/10/2014 19:26

I would either text back, thanks for good wishes and how nice of you to offer to make up the shortfall in my earnings, or, dear me no, I couldn't countenance only working 2-3 days as then I would have to see more of the children/do more housework and work is far preferable to that.

Maybe by making some kind of response to her she may realise that she is being a little insensitive and tone down her remarks in front of you and others.