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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to scream at this person that I can't bloody afford to go part time?!

94 replies

dottytablecloth · 25/10/2014 18:29

Am getting so pissed off with a fellow teaching colleague.

I went back full time after my first baby and now am on maternity leave waiting on dc2.

There is a colleague at work who had her first baby and came back to teaching 3 days, good for her, I'm happy. But the thing is, she goes on constantly about how amazing working part time is, how she just loves the time at home. Will randomly say in the staff room dotty I don't know how you do it! I could never work full time with a baby, blah! blah.

Well the long and short of it is, I can't afford to go to 2-3 days a week. My school are kindly letting me come back 4 days a week after this mat leave but as I'm the highest earner even that will be a stretch, doable but we will notice it.

It's every blooming day she goes on about it, it's really starting to annoy me. Mi would love to be 2-3 days a week but I just can't afford it.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? How do I deal with this annoying woman? It maybe sounds minor but is really bugging me, as yes, I'm a bit envious.

Help me feel like I'm not the only person that has to work full time with kids please!

OP posts:

carlsonrichards · 25/10/2014 19:27

But it might serve to shut her up, pax.

13Stitches · 25/10/2014 19:27

worked pt (duh)

ArsenicChaseScream · 25/10/2014 19:29

If you use any of these suggestions that denigrate other people's lives or working patterns, you will instantly lose your moral high ground of course.

redexpat · 25/10/2014 19:32

How about fuck off and mind your own business you boring condescending insensitive cow.

Too much?

ArsenicChaseScream · 25/10/2014 19:33

Maybe a smidge red

littleducks · 25/10/2014 19:34

Well if you are going to say something harsh now is probably the time, then blame it on the late pregnancy hormones

I get the sad tilt head thing that ds is in nursery at age 1. I have 3 children. I have spent 5 years maternity leave/sahming in total. Dh was back at work the next working day. Nobody ever flipping tiltled their head at him.

Oh and I'm back part time and i can't afford more nursery so he is only there 2.5 days and still all the head tilts.

PinkSquash · 25/10/2014 19:36

I would just ignore her, her life can't be that great if she needs to keep bleating on about it!

Original poster

dottytablecloth · 25/10/2014 19:37

The laugh of this is that my dh is home with our child up to 3 days a week during the week, depending on his shift pattern. Yet, i'm still expected to want to or have to work 2-3 days by this person.

OP posts:

unclerory · 25/10/2014 19:47

Phalaropes response is sensible but might still get her back up because she will no doubt think of you asa jumped up feminist (says the jumped up feminist). All the evil working full time is better responses are fun to type but few would actually say them. I tell people that I went slightly crazy when on maternity leave and am very glad that I have the opportunity to return to work because if I'd been of my mothers generation that had no choice who knows what would have happened.

In response to her text a simple but blunt 'how much DH and I choose to work now we have a family is none of your business so stop commenting on it' will no doubt work.

Phineyj · 25/10/2014 20:21

I also work 80% in teaching following DC and this week I have had two colleagues basically call me a slacker because I wasn't working on...drumroll...parts of days when I'm not paid to work (I don't get the 20% as a full day unfortunately). I told one of them he could enjoy my working pattern too if he took a 20% pay cut and didn't mind paying for travel and sorting childcare for 5 days! I wasn't sure what to say to the woman as she was pa about it and has form for such comments. You can't win OP, so you may as well be blunt.

aprilanne · 25/10/2014 22:38

i was a sahm for a long time .my choice but my hubby had a good job .if you must work for your family,s sake then don,t feel guilty .my mother worked full time .it never affected our relationship .i adored my mum .you do whats best for your family just ignore her stupid smugness .

nooka · 25/10/2014 22:59

I had a few head tilty comments from other mus in my anti-natal group about going back to work, and they were incredibly annoying because they were all total projection. I never had any intention of being a SAHM or going part time, and I was/am totally happy about that. So I stopped seeing them. Obviously this isn't an option with work colleagues. Still as you are now on maternity leave perhaps you could just block her on your phone and hope she has moved on by the time you return?

As a reply, perhaps the shut down response of 'that doesn't work for us' (about going part time)/ 'our arrangements work for us' might do the job?

Mascaramascara1 · 25/10/2014 23:00

I've had this, but I reply in complete honesty that I'd crack up if I went part time. I don't know how SAH parents do it , you know, I love DS but I'm just not cut out for not working. And the things I've done in the years since he arrived I'd never have managed part time. I'd also not be quite as... assertive, if I a) hadn't had him or b) worked ft

I find that...odd. You'd 'crack up' if you had to work less? Really?

I totally get why some people choose to work full time, or part time, from genuine choice. I can understand why some (me included) wouldn't want to be a 100% SAHM. And obviously there are those that have to work ft. But there is such a thing as living to work when really, we should be working to live. I think it's a little sad tbh if the thought of dropping a day (for instance) really fills you with genuine horror.

cerealqueen · 25/10/2014 23:03

just tell her that you'd love to but can't afford it and her mentioning it is quite frankly, upsetting and a bit crass.

Mintyy · 25/10/2014 23:26

Dotty, I think you are getting disproportionately wound up by this one person, who doesn't seem to be particularly bright. Next time she says something say "OMG cluelesscolleague, you seem to be obsessed with my working hours! what's all that about then?"

BackforGood · 25/10/2014 23:36

If you use any of these suggestions that denigrate other people's lives or working patterns, you will instantly lose your moral high ground of course

This ^

LindyHemming · 26/10/2014 02:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DaisyFlowerChain · 26/10/2014 08:02

Just tell her you work full time as you want to set your child a good example of being able to support yourself without relying on another adult to do it for you. Should shut her up.

JassyRadlett · 26/10/2014 08:11

I'm the main earner and I get both these and 'I don't know how you manage it' comments.

I have two stock responses:

'Unfortunately, my kid has really expensive hobbies, like having a roof over his head and food on the table'

And if people are being really irritatingly patriarchal:
'I just feel a bit sorry for the children whose fathers don't have an equal role in their upbringing, I'm lucky because DH is such a great and committed dad.'

fairylightsintheloft · 26/10/2014 08:21

I worked back up from 2 days to the now 4 after ml and its great. I get a level classes and feel fully in contact but don't have a form. My school have been v v good to me with regards to my changing needs and have so now accomodated dhs request to work 5 days over 4 so he can do a school run. If you just want to move on from the conversation just say 'well, horses for courses - full time suits me' though depending on how well you know her you may want to say that ft is a necessity - I do think you are overthinking it a bit.

Xenadog · 26/10/2014 09:05

I'm also a teacher and have gone back this term 0.7 and find it a struggle. I would struggle more if I went back full time. However if I had to I could do it (lots of my friend have after all) but for me it wasn't ideal. Anyone who wants to work full time or needs to has my utmost respect regardless of the industry they are in.

I think, OP you need to just say to your colleague that you are happy with your decision to return full time just as you are sure she is happy with her decision and it's really not a point of interest to you. Can you now move the conversation On? There's no explanation, no reasoning and hopefully she gets the message.

PrincessOfChina · 26/10/2014 09:11

Your tirle's a bit misleading as you are going back part time. I'd just tell her you're doing what works for you.

Mascaramascara1 · 26/10/2014 09:12

Just tell her you work full time as you want to set your child a good example of being able to support yourself without relying on another adult to do it for you. Should shut her up

Why does everyone seem to assume part-time = shit money/dependance?

I have 3 day off a week (0.8). Further, I work two long days and 2 day's until 2.30 so finish before the dc are out of school. So they only know I'm at work between 3.30-6.30 on a Monday and Tuesday.

Should I arrange my hours so that I'm not at home 5 evenings a week just to show them I'm working?

Mascaramascara1 · 26/10/2014 09:15

'm the main earner and I get both these and 'I don't know how you manage it' comments

I think some people are being over-sensitive tbh. Maybe this sort of comment is actually meant as a compliment?

Both working ft when you have kids is bloody hard. You're constantly on the go and it's one hell of a juggling act.

2rebecca · 26/10/2014 09:19

Tell her to stop it if it annoys you. "You keep going on about this, can you please change the record. Your pattern of work suits you mine suits me. "

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