AIBU to scream at this person that I can't bloody afford to go part time?!

[dottytablecloth]

Am getting so pissed off with a fellow teaching colleague.

I went back full time after my first baby and now am on maternity leave waiting on dc2.

There is a colleague at work who had her first baby and came back to teaching 3 days, good for her, I'm happy. But the thing is, she goes on constantly about how amazing working part time is, how she just loves the time at home. Will randomly say in the staff room dotty I don't know how you do it! I could never work full time with a baby, blah! blah.

Well the long and short of it is, I can't afford to go to 2-3 days a week. My school are kindly letting me come back 4 days a week after this mat leave but as I'm the highest earner even that will be a stretch, doable but we will notice it.

It's every blooming day she goes on about it, it's really starting to annoy me. Mi would love to be 2-3 days a week but I just can't afford it.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? How do I deal with this annoying woman? It maybe sounds minor but is really bugging me, as yes, I'm a bit envious.

Help me feel like I'm not the only person that has to work full time with kids please!

As she's still texting you despite you being on mat leave, you are going to have to tell her to stop. Maybe one of the more tactful texts above rather than 'wind your neck in, you insensitive bitch'. Although you could use that and then blame it on hormones.

Aprilanne, what if I want to work. I dont have to work, neither does dh but we both do work. Am I as a woman only allowed to feel good about it if it keeps the wolf from the door?

Mascara it's possible they don't both work full timw

...or say absolutely nothing and just look at her!

This is what I had to do with a colleague. Firstly, she spent an entire YEAR asking me loudly when I was going to have a baby, telling me at my age I needed to get a move on, having kids was the best thing she ever did, look at all these 'saddos' killing themselves working when it was so meaningless compared to having babies blah blah blah.

All this time I was biting back the '4 years of failed fertility treatment isn't my choice, love' comments, but reckoned that it was fuck all of her business. Turns out she was desperate for promotion and it wasn't happening and guess what? I had been promoted. She just loved calling me - in the staffroom, of course - on how many hours I worked blah blah blah. Total insecurity and projection.

Then when I did get pregnant (high five IVF!), the horror stories started EVERY FUCKING DAY. Tiresome commenting and 'just you wait!' Bullshit.

As for the working arrangements conversations - arghhhh!! 'When you have that baby in your arms, you'll be hard pushed to even leave them for 3 days!' Etcetera. Am planning to come back full time for reasons I will not be explaining to anyone who is not a good friend and cannot WAIT for the daily fucking updates on what I am missing out on. No-one has said anything like this - ever - to my DH.

I reckon it is total insecurity on her behalf. She is desperate for me to say I am jealous of her in some way, I think.

Thankfully, she is only in 3 days a week

Mascara, I know it's meant as a compliment. It's a shitty and sexist one though as they wouldn't say it to a man.

I do three days and find my colleagues' attitudes beyond awful:

• I should not be allowed leave
• When I'take leave it's a "pain in the arse" for others
• I work from home for free, apparently
• Apparently I am "contractually obliged to deal with e-mails on my days off (that was my fave. I'm really not)
• I sit on my backside all day while my kids are palmed off (one is at school and the other is with me on my days off)

I probably will increase my hours when dd2 starts school next year and the MIL guilt trip nonsense has already started: "Oh no, how can you want to leave them?!". I want to shake her and point out they will both be in fecking school, hardly left.

I think that she is probably not sure that she has made the right choice and wants people to make her feel that she has. If you tell her that you would work part time if you could afford it (if this is true) then she may shut up. You could also just ignore her.

In my office we have the opposite situation in that a full time colleague is always going on about how hard she works and seems to think that she should be promoted above the rest of us because she works full time and is therefore more dedicated and committed than those of us who work part time.

There are two things here.

First is that you want your colleague to stfu about working pt, but you are unwilling to engage and tell her the truth, so she's commenting in a vacuum- not her fault she as an opinion different to yours. Give her some info.

You need to accept that her DH has a well paid job and she has the luxury of working pt as he's the breadwinner- her comments aren't a personal attack made to make you feel in anyway inferior. After all she doesn't know your situation, because you won't tell her anything.

And second, you need to accept that your DH isn't earning enough for you to work pt.

All these snippy, prissy comments are making me because they really are just dreadfully misogynistic - chained to the kitchen sink... wtf?

You need to discuss things with your DH IMO - he's not earning enough if you want to spend more time with your kids.
That's the real issue here I think.

I have just read OP again and I'm a bit confused. Firstly you say that you are on maternity leave at the moment so you don't actually have to hear colleague going on about the joys of working part time. Secondly, when you go back to work you will only be working four days a week so not full time anyway. Therefore, what is the issue and why do you need reassurance that you are not the only person that works full time?

what sorry you're confused!

As i mentioned up thread I've just gone on ML, so I've HAD to listen to this person until very, very recently.

The issue is the 'pity' at not being able to work 2-3 days a week from this person.

venus I have to say it's never occurred to me to blame dh for "not earning" enough. He doesn't have to fund me being at home in any more of an entitled way that I should have to fund him being at home.

It's just annoying when some people can't live and let live without me having to divulge my finances to them.

I went back ft when DS1 was 5 months, OH didn't have a job so I had no choice. When DS2 arrived I took 9 months mat leave but changed schools so went back full time as that was what it was going to take to get me the job at the school I wanted to work at. I've had all the head tilts, the sad faces, the sympathetic "it must be so hard"... I take it on the chin. It IS really, really hard AND really expensive with two in full time childcare but long term we will be far better off so I just say that. I'd love to be in a position to be part time or a sahm. I'm not. I do the best with the hand I've been dealt.

This may have been said already, but do people not suggest working pt because it seems to be what works financially better for many people.
Full time childcare is expensive and often more than a person earns. So suggesting somebody go pt might improve their finances as they have less childcare.

The issue is the 'pity' at not being able to work 2-3 days a week from this person.

I think people who work only two or three days a week usually do it for the benefit of the child(ren), not themselves though? You have no need to do that because your DH is at home with your child three days a week i.e. you are able to share childcare?

Morethan

Absolutely! - personal tax allowance, when HRT kicks in, when benefits stop, amount of childcare vouchers you get etc does not change no matter how many or few hours you work.

Op - try not to worry too much about going 4 days - everyone I know who works part time has been surprised at how low the impact on their pay is. In my case I work 3 days (ie 60%) but the money we have from my salary is about 70% - 75% of what I'd have if I worked full time. Crazy!

I've worked every working pattern known to man. Worst in part time IMO; full time hours for part time pay. It's crap. I just say that to people who bang on about it.

That's why I'm shortly returning to full time work (also a teacher). The time I had at home was not quality time as I was either working or worrying about what I still had left to do, I'd rather have the full time pay for the full time worry.

If it were me I would say in quite an off hand sort of a way, 'Do you know, I think it's really dreadful how women these days seem to judge each others parenting choices rather than supporting them. Would you like another biscuit/tea?'

I hate women who do this whatever happened to sisterhood?! Your family your way.

Actually you should probably just reply

"I probably would if dh worked full time Monday to Friday and earned squill ions but with me working 4 days the little ones will only be in childcare 2/3 days a week anyway."

No. You should just say what I suggested yesterday .