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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let my 2 yr old son wear a tutu in public

165 replies

Onbehalfofmyhusband · 23/10/2014 23:38

Apologies as I know this has been done to death but I need to settle an argument with my husband.

DS is 2.5 and likes to wear tutus and dresses (often borrowed from his older sister). AIBU to let him wear these in public? It's not every day, just maybe a couple of times a week. DH thinks I am.

OP posts:

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 23/10/2014 23:39

God I hate stuff like this.

Of course you should let your son wear what he wants to wear. It won't make him gay You're either gay or you aren't and wearing a tutu at 2 has fuck all to do with it.

Your DH is a dick.

scurryfunge · 23/10/2014 23:41

What's DH's problem?

redredread · 23/10/2014 23:42

Yanbu. He should be able to wear whatever he wants. I treasure my photos of DS1 in bonkers outfits (skirt layered over trousers, with a clashing jumper, enormous wellies and a scooter helmet).

Eddie Izzard: equal clothing rights. We should all wear what we like

rosieposey · 23/10/2014 23:43

Some men my DH included are a bit shit when it comes to this type of thing.

My DS who is 5 loves having his nails painted by his older sister ( DD1 who is 22) and DH gets really iffy about it - which makes me laugh as DD2 came out as gay 3 years ago and he has been pretty laid back about it ... maybe its a boy thing

Tell him to stop being a knobber - i do

Funkytown · 23/10/2014 23:45

i personally wouldn't but only because i wouldn't let my son where dress up clothes in public not because i would have a problem with him wearing tutus

i do think that you need to take you husbands feelings into account tho and not just let him because you think its ok
because you have reasons that you think t is fine for your son to wear them and he has reasons that it isn't

ColdCottage · 23/10/2014 23:45

Not at all. They are fun to wear. Why should he miss out. Let him enjoy

Username12345 · 23/10/2014 23:46

It depends.

I wouldn't let him wear it to somewhere I wasn't there to supervise and he could potentially be beaten up. But to the supermarket, park etc.? That's fine.

It's all fine and dandy to say 'it doesn't matter, people can wear what they like' but you have to be aware of how people behave in real life.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 23/10/2014 23:48

Who goes round beating up 2 year olds Username? Fearmonger much?

ChillingGrinBloodLover · 23/10/2014 23:48

He's 2, it really doesn't matter what he wears - if it's a tutu or a fireman sam outfit. However, your DH isn't alone in thinking it does matter... or that it embarrasses him.

I don't know why people say 'he wont catch the gay'. It's not 'gay' it's 'girlie', there's a difference - but it's still wrong to care about what a 2 year old chooses to wear.

cooki3monst3r · 23/10/2014 23:49

My 2yo DS is yet to wear his sister's clothes in public but I have left the blusher and lipstick on his face when going out!!

My little boy LOVES pink. His sisters tuto, ballet shoes, jewellery, my make up are some of his favourite things. Along with his tractors and trucks.

Of course there's nothing wrong with it. I have had a few "oh, I don't think pink is your colour" comments from friends, but no one would dare criticise beyond that!!

Something I will always feel guilty about is being in clarks trying to find a pair of sandals for DS. I tried the pink pair on him to size up as it was closest. He took a real shine to them and would have loved to have taken them home. But instead I took him round the other side and got him the grey and orange ones. Isn't that awful?!

WorraLiberty · 23/10/2014 23:49

Just do what you want on your watch and let your DH do what he wants on his.

In the grand scheme of things, no member of the public will really give a shit believe me.

As you quite rightly said, these threads have been done to death so you've obviously read them.

I'm sure you can draw your own conclusion.

Original poster

Onbehalfofmyhusband · 23/10/2014 23:51

Hooray. I was pretty confident that MN would support me. DH is looking looking suitably sheepish.

No-one is going to beat my 2 yr old up for wearing a dress. And if it does make some older boys look twice then good, it might broaden their horizons a bit and show them that not everyone has to conform to one way of dressing.

OP posts:

LadyLuck10 · 23/10/2014 23:51

I have yet to see in rl any boy using a dress. It's definitely a mn thing.
Sorry I would think he looks ridiculous and with your DH on this.

Troublesometrucker · 23/10/2014 23:52

Depends really on where he's wearing it and who's seeing him. I know a kid who went to playgroup in dresses (like everyday for a year)... he's an adult now, people still remember and rib him for it. I don't feel that young this kid really had much foresight, whereas his mum could have saved him a lot of teasing over the years to come if she had intervened.

I also feel that if my DH objects to something then as joint parents, I need to agree it with DH before I go ahead. still working on buying my 2year old DS a toy buggy and a doll

I will however point out to my DH that in any playgroup - the boys all wear the dressing up dresses and run about with the dolls and buggies, more so than the girls - likely because they are not allowed them at home, so it backfires.

iwishiwasacat · 23/10/2014 23:52

He's 2! YANBU.

My son is 3, he wears whatever he wants, dresses included, tells people he is a princess and no one has ever said anything bad about it.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 23/10/2014 23:54

The problem is not boys wearing girls clothes, its people being so damned closed minded! FFS.

WorraLiberty · 23/10/2014 23:56

My little boy LOVES pink. His sisters tuto, ballet shoes, jewellery, my make up are some of his favourite things. Along with his tractors and trucks.

And yet if you said, "My little girl LOVES pink. She loves her tutu, ballet shoes, jewellery and make up"

You would no doubt get flamed by many.

One think MN seems to have taught me is that if you raise a daughter to 'LOVE pink, love a tutu, ballet shoes, jewellery and make up' you'll have spectacularly failed as a parent.

However, if you can say you're raising a son to 'LOVE pink, love a tutu, ballet shoes, jewellery and make up', you'll have spectacularly succeeded in some way....so go figure?

vvviola · 23/10/2014 23:57

YADNBU.

There was a little guy sitting next to me on the bench at school pick up yesterday (mindee of one of the other school mums I think), happily tapping the ground with his pink plastic dress-up high heels. He couldn't have been more than 2.5

The only comments he got were along the lines of "cool shoes", and that was from the "big boys" (11 year olds) and here in NZ there's still quite manly men culture

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 23/10/2014 23:58

Personally I didn't let my kids wear play clothes outside except yo parties just because they arnt suitable for rough and tumble

I don't think anyone will care a jot. He's a toddler and it's dress up. So what.

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 23/10/2014 23:59

My girls loved pink and my boys would t have been seen dead In dressed but hey ho.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 23/10/2014 23:59

My DD loves pink. She likes to dress like a princess and have her nails painted.

She also likes to climb trees, play football and wrestle.

I let her do what she wants (playwise) and wear what she wants as I believe it is her right to do so. Who am I to decide what she should wear?

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 24/10/2014 00:00

Exactly so worra

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 24/10/2014 00:01

I also let her wear fancy dress out anytime she wants. Childhood is too short and children should be able to make the most of it.

She does always get asked if she's been to a party. She just does a look.

BreadForBrains · 24/10/2014 00:03

Dp was a bit eyebrow raisey about ds pushing the dds old dolly buggy up to school one day to pick them up to school. Until I pointed out the perfectly valid fact that dp always did the buggy pushing when the dc were young. Soon shut him up.
Id think a 2 year old in a tutu was cute. I have a 2 year old, he looks cute in anything to me.
For me, there's a grey area over about the age of 4/5 where it's a bit 'odd' for boys to be wearing girls clothing (not tutu maybe, but dresses?) because yes, I do think dresses are for girls, not boys.
I'd never say anything though, people are entitled to dress themselves as they wish.

iwishiwasacat · 24/10/2014 00:03

When people object to boys liking "girly things" all I hear is "Being a girl is wrong!"

Would your husband object to his daughter wearing trousers or other "boyish things"?

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