To let my 2 yr old son wear a tutu in public

[Onbehalfofmyhusband]

Apologies as I know this has been done to death but I need to settle an argument with my husband.

DS is 2.5 and likes to wear tutus and dresses (often borrowed from his older sister). AIBU to let him wear these in public? It's not every day, just maybe a couple of times a week. DH thinks I am.

I think it's a shame we even have to have this discussion. Kids should be able to wear whatever, colours shouldnt be assigned to a gender, there is nothing wrong with a girk who loves pink and sparkles and dresses, nothing wrong with boys who loves blue and cars and tractors, it's only when these limitations are forced that it becomes an issue.

My son is eight and wears glasses. When he chose his last pair, he found some he really liked, the lady in the shop said to me quietly "are you aware they are girls' glasses?". Huh?? They are glasses!!? Do girls have different eye needs to boys? Odd. They really suit him and he loves them.

In answer to OP, of course there is nothing wrong with your son wearing a tutu. I don't know where you live but I would be very surprised if someone "beats up" your two year old.

Quite, Worra.

Fule - you sound ever so precious with your "heavily gendered" comment.

I wouldn't. It would look stupid.
Kids should wear what they want? The same opinion when they start school?

How can anyone think anything negative about two brothers dressed as knights and playing sword fighting, odd odd odd Fule

It would look stupid.

One of the wonderful things about being little is that it doesn't matter if you look stupid, crazy, goofy etc! FGS let them be children for the brief period they get the chance! There's years and years to be conformist robot sheep.

FuleNo that could have been me in battle armour when I was that age, or my daughter. Although, Daughter's not really a girl. Gender has nothing to do with it.

I often feel mumsnet is a parallel universe in which there are thousands of 8 year old boys with sparkly nail polish and dresses going shopping and to school discos and they are never teased or bullied but feted and encouraged.
As great as that would be it doesn't happen.
Dressing up at 2 is great. Why not. Dressing up at any age is bloody fun, why not.
However we do live in the real world.
I wouldn't think it was a sensible thing to let any child wear a frilly dress to the park or a tutu anywhere but ballet class.

Yay! Dress as you wish! Big fan of whatever is clean and makes the children happy!

So long as it's genuinely his choice and not performance parenting, then fine.

All these kids going out in tutus and dressing up dresses out to the shops ect - 90% of the time look like they need a coat on to me!

Performance parenting?

Brilliant.

My son went through a stage of carrying a little handbag and wearing a purple feather boa everywhere he went, when he was about 3 or 4.
I'm sure that I got a few looks but it wasn't about being a liberal parent it was letting him express himself in a way he wanted.

Should I have stopped him playing with the dolls house or tottering around in my heels?

He is 16 now and still likes pink, hello kitty, unicorns etc and is not afraid to express himself if he so wishes.
He also likes "boys" stuff but just happens to be in touch with his feminine side.

Its who he is and he makes me massively proud that he doesn't give a shit what narrow minded views others may have.

I take an even broader view in that anyone should be able to wear anything anywhere, as long as decency is preserved. (ie not topless in church for example!)
I particularly admire Grayson Perry for indulging his cross-dressing interests.
And people in traditional costume of other countries are fascinating. Why do some people insist on everyone conforming? They'd have us all in some sort of Acceptable Uniform (like Chairman Mao Tse Tung)
Live and let live. Especially a little boy who just wants to choose to wear what he finds interesting and fun.

My DS was often seen in a tutu, fairy dress or similar at that age. He still loves going to fancy dress parties and getting his legs out in a short skirt now! It made for great birthday cards and FB posts on his 18 birthday recently - and we love looking back at his full fairy costume wearing days. it is part of who he is, and I would never have changed that.

I am more perturbed by the "heavily gendered" comment TBH. I have a younger DS, and he would be the knight costume wearing, sword wielding one. he loves play like that, he plays knights, soldiers etc for hours on end. He has never watched anything violent, we do not encourage violent play, and I do not believe he is trying to be violent, he is simply enjoying pretend play and having FUN. Boys will be boys, whatever you do - whether they are tutu wearing boys, sword bearing boys, both, or something completely different.

Its who he is and he makes me massively proud that he doesn't give a shit what narrow minded views others may have

That would make me very, very proud too.

Hmmm, I am not exactly in agreement with letting young children "wear what they want" to be honest.

My son would go out in PJ's and crocs everyday if that was the case!

They do need some guidance? My DS is still a wee bit young to understand it's colder now so he needs warmer clothing.

I have no issues with boys wearing tutu's per se BUT I don't agree with young children dictating what they wear if it's not suitable?

• when I say not suitable I mean more along the lines of flip flops in the rain / coat in summertime etc..

I'm not saying don't put a coat on them, obviously keeping them warm is important, but if my DD wants to wear fancy dress out, I let her. I just cannot get bothered about a childs choice of clothing.

WRT school, my DD likes wearing her uniform so no problems there. Though I don't feel that is a valid point to raise at all anyway

My kids didn't go out in any dressing up clothes - they're just not practical for outdoor play. They were treated the same as other impractical indoor toys - you don't take them with you when you go shopping or to the park.

My kids did once go to an ice rink fancy dress as Torvill and Dean. DD was older and taller, so went as Dean. DS wore one of her old competition dresses.

I'm fairly sure the OP's husbands problem with the tutu isn't that is not weather appropriate! The issue here is clearly should we let society's narrow gender stereotyping enter mine who our children are. My answer is a firm no, we shouldn't.

But yes, kids should wear coats in the winter. Obvs.

My DS is still a wee bit young to understand it's colder now so he needs warmer clothing.
Assuming it doesn't create a dangerous situation (frostbite, hypothermia, etc.) then they figure it out fairly quickly. Anyway, by the time they reach their teens they'll never wear coats no matter how hard you try.

I don't understand what peoples children are wearing for fancy dress that makes them so impractical. I've seen my DD and other children climbing trees in batman and superman costumes. They were not hindered in any way by the costume

Lemonade, exactly.

They may not be hindered by the costume, but the costume is unlikely to survive the experience. They're generally made from very flimsy fabric.

I have a 3 year old son and there is no way he would be allowed to wear a tutu or dress in public.

The only time my DD has damaged one of her costumes was at a fancy dress birthday party, never from wearing them out. And even the broken one is reparable. I guess I'm just not that precious about fancy dress costumes being broken.