do I really only know parents of bright dc?

[m0therofdragons]

Judging by fb posts after parents evening, everyone's dc are classed by the teacher as very bright. How is everyone above average - clearly that makes no sense! I don't mention that kind of thing on fb but teacher always seems surprised that I'm not delighted my Dd is very bright. Well of course I am but I just don't know if it means anything. Yes I know her levels but maybe the rest of the class is doing better so it's hard to know what it really means. It all sounds good but maybe I'm just an excited proud parent like everyone else. Or maybe I just know a lot of geniuses .

You need to ask where does she sit in the class. Eg. above average?
But I have often wondered this myself.

I've known parents of very average ability children proclaim their offspring as geniuses after parents evening simply because their children are working at an average level. Teachers are always more positive than negative about children's achievements unless children are seriously struggling, and parents are programmed to enjoy their children's achievements.

It's highly unlikely that you only know parents of geniuses.

That's my feeling. I choose not to tell rl friends specifics about dd1. It does seem she is genuinely bright academically but at 6 I'm just going with it. Just seeing all those fb comments I can't help thinking "they can't all have had the parents evening I had, or are the teachers overly positive for all? "

I avoid FB around Parents Evening as there's always loads of posts from proud parents about how the teacher said their child is super bright and super lovely and better than all the other children etc. It's nice that so many people feel positive and proud but difficult for anyone that hasn't had a good meeting and, as you say, unlikely that everyone is above average.

as a parent of genuinely bright kids with both being on the G&T register for multiple subjects, I don't post stuff like that on FB. People assume you are either lying or boasting.

can't win.

It's annual appraisal time at my work. What's the betting most of the workforce think they are above average achievers and so expect above average pay increases?

Depends on your friends.
I don't FB, but if I did I'd have a disproportionate number of graduates in Stem jobs on the list.

They do have above average and way above average DCs. One round robin had a 1st from Cambridge to announce. His DM is lovely and not at all boastful.

If my FB friends list contained my old rural comprehensive peer group, the DCs would be far more mixed.

Just seeing all those fb comments

FB comments (or even comments in rl from people you know) are not going to give an accurate reflection.

People will post and comment on the good stuff - when the kids are excelling. You don't see many posts saying that at parents evening you were told your dc was bottom of the class and very badly behaved - because really, if that was you, would you put in on fb?

It's mixed I think. Tbh the high achieving parents I know may chat about it to me but not fb.
Just realised I meant this to go in chat... clearly dd doesn't get her brains from me

Most clever people never mention it and I think the same applies to parents of genuinely clever children. Most of our friends, even long standing ones, don't have any idea that DW is in MENSA and is an official genius or that she got her degree aged 18 and her first phd aged 22.
God knows why she's with me!

Looking forward to seeing what our 18mo twins can do!

Most kids have something they're good at, and teachers tend to phrase things in positive ways. Reading between the lines I'm pretty sure what DS teacher was saying to me at his first parents' evening last year was that he was extremely quiet in class and couldn't hold a pencil. It all sounded wonderfully positive though.

See I'm concerned about dd doing things early. Degree by 18 - how did your dw cope with her peers?

She was very very lucky in that she was also very sporty. She is very tall and played netball for England u21's (briefly until she got injured) so that offset most of the 'swot / geek ' jibes and she actually ended up being considered the popular, good looking clever one!

Again, god knows how I managed to end up with her!

Both DD are in the 'top' ability groups for their ages in their core subjects. Obviously I am very proud. But it never goes on fb. All bragging there is about their attitude at school. If the girls are praised for their EFFORT then I a. Breathe a sigh of relief, b. Congratulate them and then consider a light, 'yeay happy teachers' fb comment.
So many talented children lose their way because as the work gets harder they've never really pushed themselves.
Talent is a great thing, but effort comes from them entirely. I try to encourage that.

I don't discuss grades with any one but my dh and my good friend who has girls - 1 is very smart and one I would classify as a genius. I don't even discuss them with family. People in general I think are weird about grades and I just don't care to have those discussions with them.

Yy to that seasavage I have two very "bright" children, ie are interested in a wide range of issues and areas, learn easily yada yada but I keep stressing that effort trumps talent most of the time.
On the other hand I have a frenemy who goes on about their perfectly normal and nice child (who is - dare I say it - entirely devoid of a sense of humour) child as 'gifted'. FFS. I don't go on about my childrens' achievements ever apart from to the grandparents who love hearing this stuff. I praise my children for doing thoughtful insightful things, and quietly celebrate their achievements, and praise them for good work. Be it results or helping out.

Oh. Motherofdragons. I know exactly where you're coming from. Every parent I'd speak to it would be "Oh the teacher said he/she's dead bright ect ect, yawn yawn I'm not interested I have my own child to be proud of. I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK THAT THE NURSERY TEACHER PULLED YOU TO ONE SIDE AND SAID TO YOU DO YOU KNOW (INSERT NAME HERE) IS READING ALREADY). There's always a brighter child around the corner or you could be bragging to someone who's child has learning difficulties.
I've never put pressure on my d.d. I just ask that she does her best. No-one does or indeed can ask for more than that.
On another note. I swear I was the only one who's child ever threw a tantrum, had a bottle, was late being potty trained oh and that cried. I used to hear that all the time "My baby never cried.
But they don't have my D.D and to me she is a diamond.

DD is also 6 (have a DS who is 9) & I know both kids are bright (especially DD, I think as a parent you just know.

Tbh in RL I just don't mention it, the school recognises both DC luckily.

DS is very good at sport too.

As others have said, I tend to praise effort rather than ability as both kids have areas that they find hard (not necessarily academic subjects - DD is hypermobile so finds sports/fine motor skills tough.)

Both my ds' struggle at school. Ds2 is dyspraxic, ds1 is a plodder. I read all the couldn't be prouder of how bright my child/children are and think the nicest, best comment made about my ds1 was last year when his teacher said she had never met a child who tried harder than ds1 and was constantly amazed by the fact that despite ds1 finding literacy very hard he never gave up, always gave it his best shot. That meant the world to me. She said the same in his school report.

I choose not to tell rl friends specifics about dd1. It does seem she is genuinely bright academically but at 6...

Arf!

You're one of them too, op

One interesting thing that happened when mine moved to secondary, was seeing him put into top set maths whereas his primary school buddy, whose mother had spent years telling everyone how mathematically gifted he was compared to the rest of his cohort, was placed in the second set.

Mine read fluently by 5. Reading age of 10 or something. Is now almost in bottom set for English in Y9

Take it all with a large pinch of salt, basically.

Meh, let people enjoy their fun of their school age kids being "bright" or academic. Doesn't mean diddly squat if they don't go on to be socially, emotionally, and the rest in later on in life.

My brother was paraded through his school life for being "Bright" - now can't hold down a job, flunked uni, and can't keep any form of relationship. Now my parents think he's "wasting his potential" - If anyone had nutured the rest, he may have stood a chance, but nobody taught him how to cope with failure.

On the other hand, the dumb kids in his year - well one is a millionaire... according to their FB feeds, most seem pretty happy and successful.

Remember the opening of "Matilda"?:

It's a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the most disgusting little
blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she is wonderful.

Some parents go further. They become so blinded by adoration they manage to convince themselves
their child has qualities of genius.

Well, there is nothing very wrong with all this. It's the way of the world. It is only when the parents
begin telling us about the brilliance of their own revolting offspring, that we start shouting, "Bring
us a basin! We're going to be sick!"

And a little later:

Occasionally one comes across parents who take the opposite line, who show no interest at all in
their children, and these of course are far worse than the doting ones.

OP, why are you comparing your child to others? This is something we all do in a shamefaced way, pretending not to, but we should know better really, shouldn't we?