do I really only know parents of bright dc?

[m0therofdragons]

Judging by fb posts after parents evening, everyone's dc are classed by the teacher as very bright. How is everyone above average - clearly that makes no sense! I don't mention that kind of thing on fb but teacher always seems surprised that I'm not delighted my Dd is very bright. Well of course I am but I just don't know if it means anything. Yes I know her levels but maybe the rest of the class is doing better so it's hard to know what it really means. It all sounds good but maybe I'm just an excited proud parent like everyone else. Or maybe I just know a lot of geniuses .

Shedding - that's thought provoking and not something I'd considered.

But top 1% nationally would surely come to the same thing as top 1% locally, LaQueen? So in a decent size of secondary there would be one or two at that sort of level in every year, and she'll blend in much more than at primary.

I wouldn't worry.

"Smart" or "bright" takes many different forms, and I feel for the child whose parents don't view them as such.

Publicizing this sort of information, though (on this very thread, I see!) is just another example of modern over-sharing.

Isn't that the problem with state school you are all winners type mentality though - that someone on the thread might think every parent has to regard their child as bright? Surely we want more of pull your socks up, get your finger out or you'll fail to get children working harder rather than thinking everything will be handed to them on a plate in life.

Greengrow I think it's as much of a problem with private schools. The less selective ones are often desperate to keep pupils and convincing parents their children are thriving is one way to do that.

What good will come of a parent not viewing their child as bright? They're not the decision-makers within the state system.

I keep my mouth shut.. I don't top other parents stories with my youngests and the teacher parents evening and excitement of her at having him in her class scared the crap out of me more than anything.

His brain is bigger than mine but I don't know how to handle it. I feel much more comfortable at my teens disgruntled teacher meetings about applying himself more as I know how to handle that one

Just enjoy the highs, and navigate the lows, while it all lasts.

we never know how life will turn out, if your dd is doing well be proud, i love hearing of DC I know doing well because i dont compare myself or my DC to others.

Except when gagging a rough idea of ability. not for competition purposes though.

Isn't that the problem with state school you are all winners type mentality though

Yes.

I remember watching a documentary years ago where a child psychologist was looking childrens achievements in the classroom. One thing which stuck was that she said if a child shows you a piece of work e.g. a painting, our first reaction in the western world is to say something like "that's brilliant, aren't you clever..." in other words verbally rewarding the end result RATHER than the effort the child put into creating it. We never say "I can see you've worked really hard at that/really made an effort".

My parents always used to say they all they cared about was that we worked to the best of our ability, if we achieved e.g. a C grade through working really hard, trying our best, they were pleased. If we achieved a C but were capable of an A grade then that was different.

Sadly we don't see success as being linked to hard work anymore, we are the X Factor generation.

Actually I'm not sure this was directly related to this thread, but it reminded me, is all. Apologies!!

I have nice average DDs. Someone has to say it

DD1 is in YR. At one point, even in the last half term, she looked like she was going to below expected with her speech (under SLT) but she just made the criteria for average. She was above average on world knowledge but that's because we're always answering her 'why's. She's on the middle set of homework for maths and reading (bright ! kids and those struggling get different work).

She loves school. She loves doing her reading and spellings and the other homework. She'll insist on doing the on-line math program nearly every day. I'm not pushing her above her comfort level but we're doing a lot of consolidation. My feeling is that as long as she keeps up the enthusiasm, and learns perseverance, she'll be capable of doing anything. Eventually.

It doesn't bother me when others comment on the higher levels that their children have achieved. We should all feel proud of our children for something, and if for them it's academic achievement so be it. I'm proud of DD1 for many things including catching up her speech clarity, and for being able to flail nun-chucks around correctly on her first attempt last week (karate lesson).

But some of my friends post things like that and I just think they are really pleased or relieved and so I'm happy for them. It's lovely news. What is wrong with a parent being a little proud of their children? It doesn't hurt me or my children if someone else's children are "really bright" or even if they aren't but their parents think they are. It's just nice that they are feeling happy about it

same here.

toptrumps, I have noted that too, and read about it. I heard/read it is good to then talk about the picture, and ask about it, rather than saying "brilliant, clever you" after a quick glance. Kids love it, and probably learn more, if you say: "why is the sky pink? Is that one mummy? Do you think this is a good picture?". Proper attention without overpraising.

It is such a thing to do now, overpraising our children, they are not fooled though. After our entire family praised DS after a football match he was stern:"I scored an own goal. That is rubbish. Don't tell me I was good just to make me feel better." That told us!

Cannot imagine sharing parent evening convo on my FB page, aren't people weird?

As to the word "bright", it does not mean much these days, does it?

DD2 is G&T. In top 1%, apparently, on a national scale

No wonder you were so confident of her passing 11+ .

Friends child is G and T and I am fascinated by it, I cant help but ask questions and love hearing how is getting on. Bu they are low key with it.

Agree top, I have switched to this line now - re effort praising but its tricky if the child is not putting much effort in, because its easy.

I always tell dd that as long as she's tried hard I'll always be proud of her. She's had issues about failure and perfectionism which dh and I have worked on with her. Making it clear that failing is okay and we are always here to help. She's much better and calmer now.

glad its worked, we are trying this too Mother.

i really dont want a child who beats themselves up about getting things wrong or feels depressed because of grades even well doing well, ( or not). I want a happy child who is being supported to reach potential, whatever that potential is.

there's not much to say because the school don't actually tell you very much

child is in private now and was counting to thousands as a toddler same with reading etc.

put into private school is with peers but gets extra work and / or harder work. much more open and helpful and where they can aim for with regards scholaships etc.

when I mention dc to my friends and family always a sort of - "oh well, you cant x and y and z" negative response. I never ever compare my own DC, they are what they are. Its so odd....its not like I have said - oh gosh feel so bad friends DC is way ahead...it doesnt bother me only in interesting way and fascinating.

they are lovely parents who are so proud, but never ever ever push, quite funky parents who just want intellect supported and challenged but to also stay young and be a boy and have a child hood and oodles of fun.

she rarley tells me anything I always ask. but have to be careful not to make them feel like dc is alien!

My son is severely dyspraxic and every parents evening is stressful and worrying. Infact everyday is. I wonder if the parents I have on my FB that go on about their children's achievements realise how sad they make me feel :-(

DeeDeee, at least a few of them will be posting cheery public statuses whilst secretly fretting like mad about their child's problems.

My two main Facebook 'braggers' both have seriously premature children with ongoing problems -- but the FB updates are always about how amazingly well they are doing. I think it's part astonishment and part a sort of defiance of fate, if that makes sense.

yes deeedeee, I totally agree; parents who bang on about their children being brilliant in RL are insensitive idiots. The parents are certainly not very bright as they don't consider the effect their comments have on people whose children are struggling. My kids aren't struggling at school ( at the moment, who knows re the future) but it irritates me immensely when I sit and listen to this nonsense. I think its great when my friends children do well and I understand being proud of your chidlren but I hear the most cringeworthy stuff sometimes and I just feel sorry for their children. Or even worse when it spread to the children. I gave a lift to a little girl the other day who told me she was so clever and one of the best in the year and thats why she wasn't in any of the groups as other child I was giving a lift to as shes not very clever, her mum said!!!!

It is possible that you know alot of parents who support their dcs alot and help them to do well. If you are a supportive parent yourself you probably gravitate to similar.